A Woman's Needs

[off-the-grid]

Originally Posted by atoll

as a bloke im in total agreement with ocean girl and zeehag,there is a new breed of single women out there,every bit as adventurous as their male counterparts.

WHERE?

osirissail may take it too far with his generalizations, but the thing about stereotypes is they're it least somewhat based in truth. These adventurous types you keep referring to are the exception, not the norm. Men and women alike. There's plenty of people out there who dream of adventure, but most are just dreamers. They tell you how wonderful they think it is what you're doing, how they'd love to do it, say things like I wish. But that's all they'll ever do is wish. Or they say "I'd love to retire on a sailboat!" Great! Why don't you look me up in 30 years.

Even in my short time experience, I've witnessed some of the scenarios mentioned earlier. Boat is too small to bring everything I own. Need to be close to all the creature comforts of a major US city. And yes the water maker and outboard comment from my initial post wasn't even a joke. And this, even coming from women who are sailors, divers, water lovers. Doesn't exactly make me too hopeful.

Also, most of the people on this forum seem to be older than me. So, where does a youngin (as someone put it) find an adventurous woman closer to my own age? Do these friends of yours have daughters?

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by grunzster

Also, most of the people on this forum seem to be older than me. So, where does a youngin (as someone put it) find an adventurous woman closer to my own age? Do these friends of yours have daughters?

This is a general problem. Many clubs / sports that require large amounts of time for participation generally find that their membership ages are under 21 and over 40. There is a big gap in the 20 - 40 range for both male and female. That's because most of us between those ages are busy building families and careers. The career eats up your day time and the family eats up your nights and weekends.

Once the kids are old enough those parents now have time, money and experience on their hands so something like sailing or flying becomes practical.

Whilst it is true to say that most parents are emotionally bound up with their children and grandchildren, that emotional connection is stronger (generally speaking) in women than it is in men, so it is not surprising that women need to stay in contact with their family more often than men.

Men and women have different needs. Both want to have fun, so both need to compromise.

[boatman61]

Example from 20yrs ago.... I was happily living aboard my 24ftr... with 6 ft headroom... and dating a couple of ladies... decided I'd had enough of working winters in Poole harbour with frozen fingers, nose, and feet hauling moorings and salvaging boats left out over the winter storms...
2 weeks before I sailed lady No1 stated she was selling up to join me on my voyage south... ok I said sort out some gear and bring it on board.. leave the rest at your Mom's and we'll head off.
Following week I get back from work and the boats floating below its waterline by nearly 6in....
Panic subsided when I looked inside and saw the saloon piled near to the roof with black bin liners full of clothes etc... just then she pulled up with a car full of more stuff... first argument/discussion about necessary gear on a boat and 47 pairs of shoes are not essential...
One month later we bought a 32ftr on a shared ownership... my independence was now gone...
We sailed south to the Med where after a few months her daughter convinced her over the phone that her life was in danger...
I'd only teamed up for a bigger boat and at the first chance I'd throw her over the side... she would not calm down so I got the boat made out entirely in her name to ease her fears.. if she died her daughter would get the boat... worked for a while then daughter had a kid... boat went up for sale...
I ended up back in the UK boatless and living in a bedsit while I got my **** back together...
This or similar has happened to me more than once so forgive my pessimism Zee and others...
I have learnt from experience that the 'man' in a womans life often sits pretty far down the list in a womans priorities... no matter how much they say they love you...
Nope.... I'm not bitter.. its only money and I've got my strength and health so I can make it.. tougher at my age but still do-able... just now things will only ever be on my terms and I'll NEVER CO-OWN AGAIN...

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by ideeal

Hi, I have sailed about 25,000 miles with my wife and both she and I need the comforts of hot water, a dry bed and and a boat that sails well which includes a good motor when there is no wind. Without thoses fetures we would not have cruised for so long.

Is there a rule that says that men must only sail a poor boat with cold water and a wet bed? I want a water maker, a warm dry boat and a comfortable warm bed for me and Mrs Minty otherwise the deal's off......

Equality!!! If the women can be comfy then so can I.

[off-the-grid]

Originally Posted by mintyspilot

There is a big gap in the 20 - 40 range for both male and female.

Yup! And I'm right in that middle gap...although getting closer.

[osirissail]

While Grunzster and Mintyspilot are much more tactful and polite, less brutal than I, I would say that the underlying message is the same. Men are from Mars and N.A. women are from TJMaxx.
- - Also remember that "exceptions" do no make a rule and "generalizations" only require 51% to be valid.
- - My concern is that if the young men - anybody under 60 for males - who want a vibrant and compatible mate for long term cruising, who isn't worse for the wear due to gravity, then they had better stop looking for the 4-leafed clover in a field of crabgrass. There are certainly some lucky finds in that field of crabgrass but you might just end up as old as me before you find one. This is one case where definitely the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (border).

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by boatman61

just now things will only ever be on my terms and I'll NEVER CO-OWN AGAIN...

15 Years ago I went into business with a friend and we set the company up in joint names. Within 12 months I realised what a mistake I had made as his attitude to money was worrying. I took over the accounts side and took a good look, worked out my share took the money and left him a resignation letter and the keys on his desk. After that I started on my own from scratch.

It's not just women that can make co-ownership a nightmare.

Two years after I quit I got a call from the Inland Revenue and a large bank, both looking for my ex-partner who had skipped out leaving large debts. I got out in time, lucky me....

[off-the-grid]

Originally Posted by boatman61

I have learnt from experience that the 'man' in a womans life often sits pretty far down the list in a womans priorities... no matter how much they say they love you...

Although maybe not from experience as much, ad definitely believe there is at least some truth to this. When I was rotting away in cubicle land, it was amazing just how many women had a billion pictures of the kids, friends, etc, at their desks...yet not even one photo of the hubby, never wore the wedding ring, etc.

Another reason I'm on the fence, but swaying WAY towards NO, about ever having kids. It would kill me knowing that I'm that low on the totem pole for someone I love.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by mintyspilot

Is there a rule that says that men must only sail a poor boat with cold water and a wet bed? I want a water maker, a warm dry boat and a comfortable warm bed for me and Mrs Minty otherwise the deal's off......

Equality!!! If the women can be comfy then so can I.

Minty... never had a wet bed on any of my boats before the last coupla years.. but then I'm working my way back up.. and it takes a while to get that ball rolling uphill again...

[Ram]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Minty... never had a wet bed on any of my boats before the last coupla years.. but then I'm working my way back up.. and it takes a while to get that ball rolling uphill again...

You gotta keep your hatch closed if you want that bed warm and dry

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by Ram

You gotta keep your hatch closed if you want that bed warm and dry

Ram... open or closed... when everythings in need of re bedding and sealing.. the forehatch is a crap home job.. one wave jumping on board means a few wet days... but hell.. its not a warm dry bedsit in London or somewhere so I'm not complaining... even wet sleeping bags warm up... eventually...lmao

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by boatman61

...the forehatch is a crap home job.. one wave jumping on board means a few wet days...

Oh - it's a faulty HATCH that causes the wet bed! I thought it was that you had ....... errrr.... ummmm.... spilled beer in rough seas!

[atoll]

having been a card carrying chauvinist for many years,and now i have been forty for a few years now.
i actually really enjoy sailing as crew for my female skipper friends, suddenly my observations and advice are valued,no stress to impress,the shoe is on the other foot.
being a skipper is all about decisions,and generally making the correct one,every body wants to be valued,its amazing how many couples sailing slip into roles.

him dominating,her submissive,no wonder there is a high failure rate amongst people sailing on boats.

should be deriguerre for couples to swap roles in command situations,also let the girls take out your pride and joy,whilst you sail with the boys,most men are quite suprised how well wifey can handle handle a yacht in an all girl situation.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by atoll

having been a card carrying chauvinist for many years,and now i have been forty for a few years now.
i actually really enjoy sailing as crew for my female skipper friends, suddenly my observations and advice are valued,no stress to impress,the shoe is on the other foot.
being a skipper is all about decisions,and generally making the correct one,every body wants to be valued,its amazing how many couples sailing slip into roles.

him dominating,her submissive,no wonder there is a high failure rate amongst people sailing on boats.

should be deriguerre for couples to swap roles in command situations,also let the girls take out your pride and joy,whilst you sail with the boys,most men are quite suprised how well wifey can handle handle a yacht in an all girl situation.

Why do I get the feeling that your wifes started reading this forum lately...

[atoll]

wive's ,not wife my dear,starting a commune...........