A Woman's Needs

[ms.lau]

hmmmmm.....

virtualvagabond (post #235)

thank you for your comments. i would respectfully draw your attention to the title of this thread 'what do women want?'. your post explains to us all what you want from a woman. perhaps you should start a relevant thread, your thoughts are irrelevant to this one. you also tell us all that we have a lot to learn about being 'real women'.

thank you for being so patronising and self-centered.

love 'n' peas

[David_Old_Jersey]

The original post was pretty wide ranging and wasn't restricted to only responses by women.

IMO would seem rather bizarre to restrict responses only to women, it's not as if they are all the same........or many (most? ) know WTF they really want, let alone can speak for all da sisters . Same as for men - thanks to CF I have recently discovered that there be a large number of fellas who piss on there feet on a regular basis and like to watch each other use the head, I would be embarrassed to think that anyone thought they spoke for me simply because we share a gender ..........besides, I have my own foibles

FWIW I think CF is pretty civilised when it comes to female members - but no one gets an automatic pass simply for being a woman, nor corralled into women only sections - IMO that would be sexist The downside is that the internet provides an equal opportunity to be called on when being a moron

[ms.lau]

d-o-j

if the above is a response to my last post, i think you missed the point or i wasn't being clear. virtualvagabond was being patronising. he also said much about what he wanted. this thread isn't about what he wants.

much has been said by yourself and other guys that is relevant, interesting and sometimes funny. i certainly didn't intend to imply that men had no right to post on this thread (and i don't think anyone else did, either).

if it wasn't a response to my last post please ignore this message!

love n peas

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by ms.lau

d-o-j

if the above is a response to my last post, i think you missed the point or i wasn't being clear. virtualvagabond was being patronising. he also said much about what he wanted. this thread isn't about what he wants.

much has been said by yourself and other guys that is relevant, interesting and sometimes funny. i certainly didn't intend to imply that men had no right to post on this thread (and i don't think anyone else did, either).

if it wasn't a response to my last post please ignore this message!

love n peas

Not specifically to you. Not all my posts are well thought out - but it's the internet, so they don't need to be

I can see how Virtualvagabond's contributions could be taken as "sexism". and if it is taken that way, then IMO it is sexism (for that person). IMO Folks are right to make their opinions known on stuff like that just doesn't mean they being right matters - but in any event of interest to others even where they disagree.......and of course one woman's sexist pig is another's thoughtful gentleman - and both be right

The easy solution is.........don't marry him


IME most people are a mixture of the good, the bad and the ugly. If you find the perfect partner it's exactly like finding the perfect boat - it means you missed something , or didn't understand what you actually need ......but half the fun is looking, and the other half is signing onboard regardless

[zeehag]

as a woman on board, i found a new need last night--inn ensenada-- i needed a protector from banditos--LOL-- so i grabbed my trusty louisville slugger gaff--has HUGE heavy hook on it--and i presented LA LOCA to their faces---- with a light on them-- flashlite-- they didnt need to be reminded that slugger could squash a melon..... they ran away--now i am la loca and prolly will be safe for tenure here---LOl- all women, even ladies.. NEED a decent louisville slugger on board.....i still have my outboard, which was in their sights for removal-- they even touched it .... but not for long.......

[VirtualVagabond]

Originally Posted by ms.lau

hmmmmm.....

virtualvagabond (post #235)

thank you for your comments. i would respectfully draw your attention to the title of this thread 'what do women want?'. your post explains to us all what you want from a woman. perhaps you should start a relevant thread, your thoughts are irrelevant to this one. you also tell us all that we have a lot to learn about being 'real women'.

thank you for being so patronising and self-centered.

love 'n' peas

What an interesting bunch of responses! Not totally unexpected I guess.

Ms. Lau, I can understand your reaction. I took a shot at you and erin, because you set yourselves up for it. At least you're courteous in your response and that get's a big thumbs up from me. I hope that is not me being patronising... too often that's the way approval get's interpreted.

Of course I totally disagree with your, and some others', interpretation of post 235 as sexist or patronising. It's opinionated maybe, but that's what forums are... a collection of opinions, yours included.

What is sexist about the RESPECT (thanks Zeehag... good word) that I, and men with happy, loved, contented partners, have for women? We respect them too much to expect them to have to put up with crappy standards on our boats. This is a bad thing?
And as for the bucket-head situation, it's just as disgusting when guys have them, and my reaction would be the same. Nothing sexist there.
I said as much about what women do to bring out the best in men as what we can do for them.

Wasn't the whole bra burning feminist thing to get respect and show women could be equal to men? But when I go a step further and put women on a pedestal, just a little one, it's sexist and patronising.

By the way, that bra burning thing was a great idea . Would never have caught on if a guy had thought of it of course, but it was great
Unfortunately it's a bit like tattoes... not such a good idea when you get to 50

What women fail to recognise is that YOU'VE made us what we are. We're just great big puppies looking for approval. We've been wrapped around your fingers so often we make Cirque du Soleil look like an old age home.

So, back to the OP's question... What women need, in my opinion, based on having had plenty women come sailing and never had one that did not enjoy the experience, is a decent head, heatable water, reasonable galley.
Also, if she hasn't sailed before, patience, a skipper who understands that her first sailing experiences need to be enjoyable, non scary ones until she gets the feel for it. He also needs to be happy to explain how things work, what they're called and be a confident, non shouter!
He also needs to be able to do all this in a non patronising manner, be non sexist, and remember her rights and equal status. He needs to have a high regard for political correctness, cologne and pink tee shirts.

Yeah... I think that about does it for now...

[perchance]

Originally Posted by ms.lau

hmmmmm.....

virtualvagabond (post #235)

thank you for your comments. i would respectfully draw your attention to the title of this thread 'what do women want?'. your post explains to us all what you want from a woman. perhaps you should start a relevant thread, your thoughts are irrelevant to this one. you also tell us all that we have a lot to learn about being 'real women'.

thank you for being so patronising and self-centered.

love 'n' peas

Are a woman's needs that much different than a mans? Aren't two heads better than one? ( no double entendre intended) She wants a warm cozy place she feels safe in. Well so do I. I recognize that her focus is different than mine and let it go at that but we watch each others backs. It takes both of us to float the boat.
Speaking of two heads, the one forward is hers and for company. The one aft is for going on and off watch and beer drinking in the cockpit.

[VirtualVagabond]

See the expressions without the cologne and pink tee shirt?

[VirtualVagabond]

Ok... so no pink tee shirt, but look at the reaction to that cologne!

[VirtualVagabond]

Just be a quiet, confident, understated skipper...

[VirtualVagabond]

And our basic sailing 101 class photo.... she's going to expect you to have a couple of these...

[erinsavov]

Seriously? I mean really?
I provided my own damn boat thank you very much. When I arrived on this island I only had 40 bucks in my pocket, determination and a smile. And within three months I had purchased my Lillypad and gained the respect of people here. Yeah she doesn't have a real head but she is MINE. The head is actually a modified porta potty. I have done my own wiring, fixed dinghies and fought with outboards and figured out to have the hot water I wanted for showering. It is NOT disgusting NOR have I lowered my standards.
I have done plenty of sanding, varnishing, anti-fouling, scrubbing, organizing, cleaning the bottom regularly etc. And YES SIR I still look freaking hot when I slip on my black dress and heels. I am deeply offended that you would even state that I have got a lot to learn about being a woman. You don't even know me. Fool.
When I do meet my Mr Wonderful we will have an awesome partnership which will include all the tiresome boat duties as well as the joyful ones with a huge healthy doses of affection, kindness, passion and respect.
He certainly wont think that I am disgusting because I have to use a porta potty for now. He will probably be really proud to have a partner that is willing to do the best with what we would have together and we will plan together how to improve things.

PS. Maybe it's because of guys like you ....

Erin

Originally Posted by VirtualVagabond

Ms.Lau and Erinsavov, and all those who applaud them.

You females have got a lot to learn about being 'women'!

Like most men, I'm totally capable of being a disgusting lazy low life slob on my own. I don't need any help at all. And I don't need a partner who can also just muck along at that level.

I want a woman on my boat to give me a reason to rise above all that. It's why Eve was tossed into the Garden in the first place... it gave Adam a reason to make the Garden nice. The result? Adam liked the Garden a whole lot better too.
No woman will ever crap in a bucket on my boat. It's digusting and unnecessary, because I refuse to lower my own standards to that level. If you haven't found a man who'll 'man up', go waitress for a week and buy a goddam porta potty at least.

Here's the deal, and it's pretty simple.
I'll provide a good 'home' that's safe and has at the very least the basics, like a real head, and water and cooking facilities. It's no big deal. I'm a guy, it's what we do.

In return, all I need (and have) is a companion who appreciates it, AND has maintained a little of her female mystique, femininity and dignity.
I don't want to see tampons, know that periods are heavy this month... in fact I don't even need to know its happening, other than a comment like 'lousy timing' if the mood was heading that way... I don't even want to hear farts, and I treat her with the same courtesy.

That doesn't mean being too precious to be practical either. She rolls up her sleeves and varnishes and antifouls, and cooks and cleans.

You know what? I'm happy to go the extra mile to treat her like a princess, because the flip side is that I get treated like a king. Somehow we both think we're getting the better end of the deal.... but I know I really am...

P.S. I do raise my hat to all women who are out there living the life on their own steam

[hummingway]

I don't know if anyone is trying to wind someone else up or not, but if you are, I would suggest you rethink that strategy. If you are feeling wound up I would suggest a deep breath.

Both big brother AND big sister are watching.

[VirtualVagabond]

Originally Posted by erinsavov

Take it from someone who knows. A female cruiser just wants to be part of the lifestyle and I can bet you that she is already contemplating just what changes she needs to make to adjust to the lifestyle.
But here are a few things that I find necessary as a female cruiser living on her own little sailboat.

1. While under sail she's not going to be too concerned about taking showers and such no more than you are. From my offshore experience a sponge bath in the cockpit was perfect. But when your in that lovely anchorage etc a nice warm shower is essential. The solar bags do not always do the job and on top of that I typically like to shower in the evening or mornings and of course the solar bag is cold. BTW I live on an island in the Virgin Islands. I have to shower in the cockpit and my boat has no through holes. A previous owner has fiberglassed over them. So I purchased a Zodi hot water heater and rigged a spot to hang one of those camping shower/privacy enclosures. The Zodi did not get good reviews but I really like it and it has worked well. Most of the time I put the pump into salt water. Take a totally enjoyable and non water conscious shower and then switch the pump over to a bit of fresh water just to quickly rinse the salt off. The privacy for taking a shower in the cockpit was the hardest to figure out BTW.

2. We female cruisers do our very best to give up curling irons, hair straighteners and blow dryers. But we do still want to use these items on occasion. So have a good inverter. The hair straightener and curling iron are not too bad on the battery. Blow dryer on the other hand is terrible.

3. She will simply want to have room for her clothes and a spot for her toiletries. Where she doesn't have to move a ton of stuff to get to it. Same thing as any guy would want.

4. The person who wrote this is completely ignorant and wrong, offensive and no female would want to be around him....
"Hate to break this to you Greg, but to be succesfull in attracting quality female companions of prime age and decent body mass-index, you should talk to your banker about obtaining financing for a crewed mega-yacht with unlimited air-conditon, TVs, maids, entertainment and an itinerary for good shopping utilizing your hard-earned credit card of course."

5. I am perfectly happy with my little two burner stove. I have no oven and no refrigeration. A small dutch oven can be used to "bake" stuff.

6. I have to use a bucket for my head. I have torn apart a port-a-potty and placed the seat with it's lid on top of bucket. It's gross of course and really look forward to having a real head but in the meantime it works quite well and I dump it, rinse it and put a tiny bit of bleach and some sea water.

Good luck to you and your lady.
Erin

Firstly, it probably wasn't very diplomatic to mention names, so to the extent that it caused you and ms. lau embarrassment, I apologize.

However, I was just quoting you and passing an opinion fairly similar to your own. You called it gross, I called it disgusting. Same meaning, different terminology. (quote in bold to illustrate)

I also complimented any women, yourself included, who are out there living the cruising life on their own steam.

You're obviously a strong woman with strong opinions, opinionated even! (again, in bold to illustrate)
Well, I happen to be the male equivalent.

And Mr Hummingway, sir, I'll behave. I have to admit I was winding things up a little... it's just so easy, and fun

[Butler]

Hey all! Whoopee! Genders afloat ! Hmmm... new reality tv show???
IMMO We all (I’m talkin both genders) have our types that we are drawn too to some extent or another and we all have our own feelings about how the power balance in our relationships works out. Throw in a cruising lifestyle and we have compounded the scope of “discovery” exponentially. There is more exploring going on here than coastlines and islands. Looking through the thread it’s easy to see that in our community gender borders have plenty of added angles and can be more fluid.
One reason I’d rather sail with my grrl than alone is what it has meant to me, and I think to her, about defining and enriching what has been a pretty crazy and for both of us sometimes pretty damn frustrating relationship. What keeps the wheels turning in this craziness are some basics: Good sex… (blessedly something we both see as foundational) plenty of talking, talking, talking, the fact that she still beats me consistently at dominos and I her at cribbage, same tastes in music, love of dancing. She keeps me from getting obsessive about the boat and keeps me focused on” pleasure” .
My biggest challenge in love has been my attraction to very feminine women who are powerful and can use tools hers is being drawn to vey butch men who don’t always need to be tops and know there way around the kitchen… hard enough combos on shore but throw in a boat and things get even more interesting! WE love the ocean, enjoy the physicality and skills development part of sailing and are just oddball enough to be happy to be done with mainstream landlife.
I am still dancing because of her and can keep a smile in tough spots and she has become even more independent and pared down her clothes and shoes to where we don’t have to tow a wardrobe barge.
While I don’t believe that real love needs to be “worked on” and it’s more about indulging affection at all times and enduring, this has not been easy at all and just like cruising it’s not for everyone.

Hats off to all of us for wrestling all this and to our spirit of adventure … it’s what seperates us from the shore-bound!