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Old 29-01-2008, 07:28   #1
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Water into Wine

To my fellow cruisers who enjoy a glass of wine ... and to those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.

There is no need to thank me for providing this valuable information: I do it as a public service.
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Old 29-01-2008, 07:39   #2
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Quote:
There is no need to thank me for providing this valuable information: I do it as a public service.
Thanks now I have a good excuse for the fact that I drink to many beers a day.
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Old 29-01-2008, 07:45   #3
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I'll thank you anyhow
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Old 29-01-2008, 07:59   #4
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Further evidence supporting the efficacy of drinking;

Start Retirement Planning Now:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling refund,you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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Old 29-01-2008, 08:20   #5
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Thanks Gord for inspiring me, I think I will crack a can of Bud Light now and start funding my 401 Keg Plan.
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Old 29-01-2008, 09:06   #6
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A Boozer's Tale




I never drink beer on a Monday,
Cos Monday's the day fer mi health
An' the wife's got me countin' them units,
I've just got to take care o' miself
So I merely have wine wi' mi supper,
An' just the one litre OK?
Then a rather large rum in mi coffee
An' I calls that mi sensible day

I never drink wine on a Tuesday,
Cos Tuesday's mi weightwatchin' club
It's the day when I eat nowt but cabbage,
The day I don't go much fer grub
Now a diet demands plenty fluid,
Summat light an' completely fat-free
So I've chosen that strong German lager
An' I just have five pints wi' mi tea

I never drink lager on Wednesday,
Cos Wednesday's the day fer mi jog
It's tracksuit an' trainers at mid-day
Then I'm off up the road wi' the dog
First stop's at the Globe fer some Guinness,
Three swift ones'll get me to grips
Then I carry on round to The Shepherds
Fer three more an' a burger an' chips
I make sure that I'm suitably rested,
Then I sprint back to our garden wall
In a time of under twelve minutes,
An' it's four 'undred metres an' all

I never drink Guinness on Thursday,
Cos Thursday's mi day to relax
I likes to sit out in t' back garden
In mi brown zip-up cardie an slacks
After lunch I might stroll by the river,
Breeze in at the Fisherman's Drop
Where I lounge on the terrace all lordly,
Sippin' shandy, but beawt any pop
Then cos I've been good through the day like,
She'll allow me to waver a smidge
So mi evenin's spent watchin' the footy
Wi' a few packs o' Boddies from t' fridge

I never drink Boddies on Friday,
Cos Friday's mi night on the razz
An' we meet in The Firkin at seven,
Owl Nodger an' me an' Fat Baz
Oh The Firkin's a beer-drinker's heaven,
Wi' fifteen real ales from the jug
An' we start wi' the ones in the tap-room
An' we works our way round to the snug
By midnight we're all talkin' gubbins
An' we're off fer a curry up town
But there's summat not reyt about curry
Cos I never seem t' keep the stuff down
We 'ave a good laugh wi' the waiters,
An' Baz moons his bum fer a joke
Then I'm home fer a nightful o' passion,
Cos I'm known as a passionate bloke

I never do much on a Sat'day,
Cos Sat'day's mi time fer a think
Cos me an' the wife are not speakin' today,
I'm a drunken, fat pig an' I stink
So I sit near the lavvie pretendin'
That really I'm feelin' just great
But I'm goin' right off that Indian food
If it leaves me in this bloody state
It's later I make the decision,
On my forty-third trip to the bog
There's only one thing cures an upset like this
An' they call it the 'air o' the dog
I ring Nodge an' Baz on mi mobile
An' both of 'ems likewise in pain
So we're back in The Firkin at quarter-past-six
An' we do it all over again

I never say Firkin on Sunday,
Cos Sunday's mi day to repent
I'm ashamed of all o' that boozin' I've done
An' all o that money I've spent
I begs the wife fer forgiveness
An' I promise I'll alter mi ways
An' she gives me a kiss an' a cuddle,
Like she did in our newly-wed days
We watch Songs of Praise on the telly,
Then a nice pot o' tea an' some cakes
An' I swear now I've climbed up the ladders,
I'll never slide down any snakes
But it's borin' on telly on Sunday,
An' I can't say I'm ever impressed
So I 'ave a walk out round the village
An' stop off at the Collier's Rest
Now the beer's a bit crap in The Collier's
So I leave an' pop round to The Swan
Where I flatten a shed-load o' Tetley's
An' I'm bloody well back to square one

So I never drink beer on a Monday,
Cos Monday's the day fer mi health
An' the wife's got me countin' them units
I've just got to take care o' miself





Copyright; Steve Morris
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Old 29-01-2008, 10:09   #7
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I heard once that acohol will make you smarter.. seems that drinking acohol will kill brain cells,
now think of the heards in Africa, the weak or ill of the heards are kill off first, leaving the stronger of the heard to multiply, thus getting stronger even yet.
And if the cells of the brain are anything like the heards of Africa, the weak or ill cells are killed first, leaving the stronger cells to devide and gro stronger, thus making you smarter.. and this fact is know as in any bar, the person who has drank the most, KNOWS ALL!!
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Old 29-01-2008, 11:16   #8
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mmanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed
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Old 29-01-2008, 11:21   #9
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That's cliff clavin's alcohol theory.... more or less

Quote:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But, naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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