Here we go again, I lost
a nice long post...damn it.
Quitting drinking was a piece of cake compared to quitting smoking. I ache to this day, 35 years later, as I recall
the misery of quitting smoking, for weeks my skin would crawl after a meal or if after I was blessed with that other thing.
My last months of drinking i suspect may have been just a bad habit. I really am not sure that I am a full fledged alcoholic. I do not know if I can control it. I have, as many people, done some stupid things drinking but my bell has been rung. I have never been arrested or charged with DWI, mostly because of just pis$ poor law enforcement. I certainly did deserve it on many occasions.
When I lost
a son back in 89 I had a job with all the overtime I could handle. So I worked my 14hrs, drank a beer
or 2 on the way home, ate, showered, went to bed
, got up and did it again, day in day out. This time when my personal life fell apart, I was retired, had no place to go except the bar, and that became a habit.
I would go to the bar about 4, go home about 7 and continue to drink at the house, I never left the bar plastered, and one of the regulars commented, after I quit, that he had never seen me drunk. Maybe he had eye trouble and just could not see it. But I never left there slurring or stumbling.
Word got out to my family
, insofar as I was alone, that I was drinking a bunch, and admiring my small firearm collection while crying in my beer. Therapy was listening to George Jones and Willie while downing lotsa booze.
Next stop, Baylor, north campus, the Hospital not the University (I am a Baylor Grad now
) Baylor North, in Fort Worth, not Waco
. Spent a week there and I still wonder if it was the treatment or the change of envorment?
Now as for my current
attitude, I am not too sure as to my alcoholism, was I just following bad habits or so I have a physical addiction, or a mental addiction or no addiction? Quitting was no big deal, no DT's have not nor do I miss it at all EXCEPT when eating the steak or Italian, and only red wine. I am toying with the idea of partaking at the aformentioned meals
. Should it go beyond that I will know. Fancying myself as disciplined I will quit for good. Still have not decited yet. No hurry on that decision, I think I have a lot of years left.
Thats my story and I am sticking to it.