Fail on my wife's first sail

[Cotemar]

Originally Posted by Ray4Man

We were under a wind advisory so I should have just stayed on the hook.

Sounds like you new what the problem was before you left.

Next time leave on a Calm Advisory and all will be good. She will sit back and read a book and you and the dog can eat a bag of chips. Its a win win. Happy Wife Happy Life

[maytrix]

Gotta start smaller next time. Although too little wind and she might bitch about that too

Clearly she likes boating, just be sure to take her out on a more appropriate day and maybe you will have better luck. But if she likes power boating, she may just be the type that doesn't like just sailing along slowly.

[shorebird]

We have a friend who was nervous about being on the water in any kind of boat, but we finally talked her into a "ladies sail" with 3 others, including my wife. We set sail in 10k winds out into English bay, and sunshine, and after some wine and cheese, she was really beginning to relax. at least until I overcranked on a winch, and had the winch handle pop out of the winch, out of my hand, and fly across the cockpit smacking her in the back and leaving a big bruise. Just couldn't hit the bulkhead, or someone else, could it? she still loved a fish and chip lunch at Bowen Island, and thought the sailing was great. I still tell her she saved me a $50 winch handle that would have gone overboard without her.

[denverd0n]

Originally Posted by Ray4Man

We were under a wind advisory so I should have just stayed on the hook.

Well, here's your big mistake, of course. First time with anyone, and most especially anyone who is apprehensive about the idea of sailing in the first place, should be on a very calm day. Wait for a day like that before you try to convince her to go out again.

Then, too, did you explain heeling to her? You need to do that. It scares a lot of people, most especially people who are used to power boats that do not heel. In fact, it scares a lot of people who really LIKE to sail, but have a fear of tipping over.

Good luck on getting her out to enjoy it again sometime.

[Ray4Man]

Thanks for all the responses. She is definately a keeper, married 26 years now. And she's not giving up on sailing, she jumped right in and grabbed the tiller so I could deal with the boom.
We stayed in the marina, grilled brauts and opened the beer cooler after that. It was still a good day.

[JanetGroene]

All is not lost, Ray. I like the suggestion that she take sailing lessons on her own. She felt she had no control and she perceived that you were not really in charge of the situation either. I am not prone to hysteria but I really did lose it on our first sail. My husband couldn't swim and I didn't know how to bring the boat about if he fell overboard. He learned to swim and I learned to sail. Problem solved because we both felt we could control our situations.

Originally Posted by Ray4Man

Hello Forum Friends,

This is my second season with a sailboat, it's only 21' and I have single handed it many times. My wife has been uneasy about getting on any sailboat and many of my lake friends feel the same way. Only because you can't hit the throttle and steer the boat to exactly where you want to go and without any patience.

So with that said, I finally got my wife on the boat this weekend for her very first time. We left the marina with winds of 8 - 17 knots. We were under a wind advisory so I should have just stayed on the hook. But anyway, the wind suddenly kicked up to 30 - 40 knots and the boat heeled over to about 45 degrees, the first time I had been in this position. As I veered the boat into the gusts to dump the wind from the mainsail, the boom slid up the mast and popped out, swinging freely to the starboard side. (no, I didn't realize the thing had to be tied at the bottom of the mast, it is now.)

The wind never let up for the rest of the afternoon and she was not enjoying this at all so that was the end of this adventure. There are a lot of things I could have done, (reef the mainsail for instance) but she was already done with this craziness.

Needless to say, she says she won't be out there in anything over 15 mph winds. And quote, "you better get the ski boat fixed". So even though she didn't say she will NEVER sail again, I know as she tells the story around the campfire, my other lake friends will say, "see, that's why I'm not getting on a d^&N sailboat."

Just thought I'd share how I wasn't as ready as I thought and I'll probably have more room on the boat for me and my dog.

Ray

[Lake-Effect]

Originally Posted by Ray4Man

Thanks for all the responses. She is definately a keeper, married 26 years now. And she's not giving up on sailing, she jumped right in and grabbed the tiller so I could deal with the boom.
We stayed in the marina, grilled brauts and opened the beer cooler after that. It was still a good day.

From this post, it sounds like she's got the right stuff to be a sailing spouse.

We also have a small boat. What worked for us:
- Some husbands can teach their spouse, some can't. I can't. She took basic cruising lessons on her own - mixed class and great instructor.
- She should be an equal. This means she also gets to pick destinations and plan trips, make the call to go out or not if the weather's iffy, take the tiller etc. Reef when she says reef.
- 7 seasons sailing together and with others, including club events and an annual get-together with 8 to 10 other couples with small boats. Always something to look forward to.

Good luck

[sparau]

Rent / borrow / buy a little skiff on a hot sunny 10-25kn day in a location with shallow water and have fun at tipping it over?

Tis my strategy but then I'm dealing with minnows also.

It has been interesting to note the reactions of a 6, 9 and 40 y.o. learning to sail, they all think a worn laser 2 is fast I say this to point out that even though I was trying to keep things fun and calm and well within my comfort zone it was stressful for them to some degree.

[Tx J]

Howdy Ray,
You'll probably get it worked out OK, just have to pick a moderate weather day next time; those near gale force ones can worry anyone, let alone a neophyte.

When I was dating my ex many, many moons ago I sailed a Hobie Cat around SPI (with Corpus Christi, one of the windiest places anywhere much of the time).
Began taking her out sailing (she was a total landlubber, had never been on the water at all IFAIK) for some screaming hull-flying 'fun', she was a good sport about it and we never dumped it, thank the FSM (it was actually pretty moderate whenever we went out, planned it that way).
We took some pictures back then, and for her recent birthday party/family get-together (we're both getting to be as old as sand now), I printed a bunch of nice photos of the kids and snuck in a couple of (much younger) us sailing the Laguna Madre back then in there too (her on the rail, me on the trap, both soaking wet from wave busting spray).
There were some comments made on the flyin' Hobie pics, like: "Was that really you grinning on a 'boat'?", and I quote her response:
"Smiling? Ha! That was the 'Smile of Fear' you see there.".
So, you had better tread (or reach) lightly, they have very long memories. :]

[Rakuflames]

Taking a boat out of that level of winds with your amount of experience was asking for a rough ride, and a scary one for someone not used to sailing. Your wife is right to not want to go out on that boat beyond 15 mph winds. She's showing good judgment and I would urge you to follow her advice. You don't mention what sailing lessons you took, but it sounds as if you weren't fully familiar with the mechanics of the rigging, etc. when you went out on that day.

In addition I would urge you to watch the weather forecasts. Wind doesn't suddenly kick up like that for no reason. Can your boat be reefed? Do you know how to do it? Is it set up for quick, easy reefing? The time to reef is when it first crosses your mind. On that day, you should have left the dock reefed. Did you?

[sww914]

There's nothing I can say that you don't already know...