Separated...

[Dashley]

Hi All,

Long time reader, first time poster.

I recently separated from my wife of 9.5 years as she would not agree to sail off into the sunset with me. I am now looking for that someone to do just that with.

Currently in Australia and looking to travel abroad to find the right person/boat. Open to all options.

Anyone need a new crew member?

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Dashley

Hi All,

Long time reader, first time poster.

I recently separated from my wife of 9.5 years as she would not agree to sail off into the sunset with me. I am now looking for that someone to do just that with.

Currently in Australia and looking to travel abroad to find the right person/boat. Open to all options.

Anyone need a new crew member?

Good on you for having the courage to live your life......most dont.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[nauticalnomad]

Best get yourself out of Australia and buy a yacht in the med and sail to wherever.
Darwin is a good start also if you want to stay local. Dynah beach yacht club in Darwin has a good noticeboard there looking for crew to Asia etc. Im an Aussie in Spain at moment. Im always looking for crew.

[ErikFinn]

Welcome to the forum Dashley.

[GordMay]

Greetings and welcome aboard the CF, Dashley.

[Sandero]

WOW that sounds a bit selfish... I'd like to read about how this went down...

[fxykty]

Originally Posted by Dashley

Hi All,

Long time reader, first time poster.

I recently separated from my wife of 9.5 years as she would not agree to sail off into the sunset with me. I am now looking for that someone to do just that with.

Currently in Australia and looking to travel abroad to find the right person/boat. Open to all options.

Anyone need a new crew member?

Hey Dash,

I was in the same situation a year ago - finally separated from my wife of 22 years as we realised that our lives and dreams were wildly divergent. Now I've got a new partner, we're in the process of buying an offshore cruising catamaran, and we've got a 3 year plan to rent our home, quit our jobs and sail off into the Pacific (we're in NZ).

If you're lucky, like I was, you'll find a new partner who has the same dream as you before you go cruising. But I think that in general your chances are better if you choose the lifestyle first, then develop a relationship within that lifestyle.

As for going abroad, I agree with what others have written: in AUS you have two choices:

1. Head to Darwin and find a crew position on a yacht heading somewhere offshore. Though it's a bit late in the season for leaving Australia - you may need to wait to next April.
2. Head to Europe and look for a yacht in the Med. Spend a season or two getting to know your boat, then head off on your circumnavigation.

In either case chances are you'll find, or will be found by, a new partner in the course of these activities.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Sandero

WOW that sounds a bit selfish... I'd like to read about how this went down...

Yer selfish! Wanting to live your life!!! The word selfish always gets thrown around when someone dosent conform to anothers (or society's) plan for them.
I must be the most selfish of all! Yet happy.
Go for it, dont look back, enjoy.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Sea Dreaming]

Originally Posted by Sandero

WOW that sounds a bit selfish... I'd like to read about how this went down...

We are all "self-ish". Altruism is really selishness too. Its means my need to assist meets your need to recieve, between two people they are both "selfish", but some couple share similar needs and some dont. "Selfish" as an argument is manipulation disguised as "morality". Its a bullies argument. Nothing more.

[Sandero]

I dunno... and know nothing about this couple and why they got married and how they may have changed.

Dreams? This is sort of a weird concept everyone is buying into. How about goals! Set some goals and work toward them.... without destroying the lives of others in the process.

No we're not ALL selfish and self centered.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by Sea Dreaming

We are all "self-ish". Altruism is really selishness too. Its means my need to assist meets your need to recieve, between two people they are both "selfish", but some couple share similar needs and some dont. "Selfish" as an argument is manipulation disguised as "morality". Its a bullies argument. Nothing more.

Definitely. Some are just more honest than others. And as you said the word "selfish" gets thrown around to bullie others. Often people that play martyer are envious of others that don't.

Sent from my vivo Y35 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Sea Dreaming]

Originally Posted by Sandero

I dunno... and know nothing about this couple and why they got married and how they may have changed.

Dreams? This is sort of a weird concept everyone is buying into. How about goals! Set some goals and work toward them.... without destroying the lives of others in the process.

No we're not ALL selfish and self centered.

Think about it logically, from the moment you are born you seek to survive. Often survival means community because "many hands make light work". Your ultimate aim, however, is to benefit for yourself. You and others come together to out if your own "selfish" needs. But both you and community benfit in general.

This "selishness" is not negative. Its simply that, you are your number one priority. Focusing on that "your self" makes survival possible. This is not the same as sacrificing others for your own ends. That kind of focus is closer to psychotic.

There is no negative intent in recognizing that you and you community no longer have a mutually benficial arrangement. Its just life.

[CSY Man]

Sad to separate because of a boat or a "dream".
Had the choice myself. Ditched the dream and kept the wife.
Fortunately I did the cruising/liveaboard thing 30 years ago with a previous wife while in my 20s.
With current wife we only cruise part-time, Florida and the Bahamas. Would have liked to do it full time again, but decided to stick with my wows, regardless how tempting it would be to set sail into the sunset and seek out a likeminded bikini woman who would not be scared of the horizon.

[barnakiel]

Sorry to hear about your separation. I hope for you and for your ex you will each have a better life now, living towards your actual goals.

I think if you are in Australia, go tire kicking in Australia: meet the sailing people, look at boats, 'mix up with the sailing crowd'. Go for it, see what happens. There are amazing things happening and at times they happen just behind the corner.

All the best, fair winds,
b.

[landlockedsquid]

Originally Posted by Sandero

WOW that sounds a bit selfish... I'd like to read about how this went down...

Originally Posted by Sandero

I dunno... and know nothing about this couple and why they got married and how they may have changed.

Dreams? This is sort of a weird concept everyone is buying into. How about goals! Set some goals and work toward them.... without destroying the lives of others in the process.

No we're not ALL selfish and self centered.

So he should not be selfish and let her control his life and live unhappily ever after not living the life he wants while she lives happily ever after so as not to be "selfish"?
Thats called slavery.