It is difficult to see any light in all this darkness. You have good and caring friends here. We will always be there for you. What has been said here rings true to me. It seems the right thing to do is cast off the lines. The spirit that is hers will be with you. It will guide you.
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: Wow - what a ride!"