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Old 16-04-2008, 21:12   #16
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Thank you for that, your so right. You remind me that was a time when being alone on the water was the most joyful moments of my life!

Hey David I was born and raised in San Fran! I have always dreamed of sailing in her BAY! Never been there on a boat, I've only sailed the east coast! I bet it's wonderful! I miss the whole Bay are so much.

One thing I do have a lot of is time, patience and optimism toward the future! It's is true that there is a period of hurt and anger! Thankfully I'm a pretty laid back person, life is to short to hang on to negativity like that for long!
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Old 16-04-2008, 21:16   #17
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Old 16-04-2008, 21:17   #18
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That one bad egg didn't change my opinion of men! I still love men! I do need to brush up on my single handed sailing. It's time I become the cmder. of my own ship! I still want a great first mate who doesn't I'm a 29 year woman. Loving and sailing are the two greatest things in life!
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Old 16-04-2008, 21:40   #19
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Originally Posted by mermaidserena View Post
Thank you for that, your so right. You remind me that was a time when being alone on the water was the most joyful moments of my life!

Hey David I was born and raised in San Fran! I have always dreamed of sailing in her BAY! Never been there on a boat, I've only sailed the east coast! I bet it's wonderful! I miss the whole Bay are so much.

One thing I do have a lot of is time, patience and optimism toward the future! It's is true that there is a period of hurt and anger! Thankfully I'm a pretty laid back person, life is to short to hang on to negativity like that for long!
mermaid,
It is indeed a great place for sailing. There are plenty of people on this forum who live here. If you are ever visiting here I would imagine that you may be able to get hooked up with a member for a daysail. I hear there are lots of horny old men on this forum...LOL...just kidding. I know for a fact though that there are lots of very nice people on this forum and I hope you find the latter if you ever visit here. In fact, I met in person one of the forum members at the Oakland Boat Show today...he and his wife are both very nice.

David
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Old 16-04-2008, 21:47   #20
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Yes, they are great things and even better when they are not co-dependant and yet also not mutually exclusive.
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Old 16-04-2008, 22:21   #21
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Drilling a boat is unforgivable. People can just not get along sometimes, and in that event, they should just move on; peacefully. But destroying a boat? That's just mean. So...

Don't be mean in reply.

It would be wrong to take his drivers license number, date of birth, SSN, bank account information, et al, and submit same to some of the zillion Nigerian scams running loose on the internet.

Yep... just plain wrong...
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Old 16-04-2008, 22:26   #22
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Sorry, but co-dependent is psycho-babble. Couples are dependent on each other in so many different ways and that is a good thing. I LIKE doing things for my wife and if that makes her dependent on me then so be it. She does the family finances and I depend on her to do them....if that makes me dependent on her then so be it. That is not a bad thing.
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Old 17-04-2008, 01:09   #23
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It seems that some people get a little touchy about wasting the endless ocean of cyberspace discussion on something other than sailing (even if it involves the sinking of a sailboat) Yes my boat was scuttled! Total Bummer dude!
I love to read a bit of human drama - when it happens to someone else

As you say "total Bummer dude" .........welcome aboard
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Old 17-04-2008, 05:38   #24
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Ms M,

A very sad story indeed. It sounds like you fell for a rather impulsive immature man who obviously had other attractive qualities. When we are smitten it is hard to see our partner clearly.

Back in the 90s I met a gal and had a fling with her when I was living aboard in the Caribe. It all seemed so romantic to both of us, loving sailing living on boats and so on, we just dove into the relationship. She had a boat too, but really needed a captain as her husband had divorced her and they had joint custody of the boat and were to split their use, 6 months for each as I recall. She needed to sail it back to the Canaries. It's a long story. They always are. Shorter version is we were not suited for each other and reality bit hard.

I attempted to bring us for a soft landing, but she took a different approach; had an affair with a much much younger man, started smoking and drinking and ended up need some psychiatric help. Very sad.

Your fella took his rage and jealousy and destroyed something you loved. WOW. That hurts.

Navigating into any serious committed relationship needs both the heat of passion and the cool of reason and dispassionate analysis. We are too easy to let our passions take us into toxic relationships.

You are a young woman and I am sure you can and will meet the right sailor. I know when I was single and looking for the right "sailing" life partner, I couldn't make the match. But I did try out a few.

My advice which is not worth anything, is to sail with others, couples and so forth, single men and work on getting your own boat and being self sufficient as a sailor and live aboard. I know several women who have done just that. One used to teach sailing. She did need some help doing offshore passages, but she was a full on captain and had a lovely yacht which SHE got in her divorce and worked on for many years.

My boat is moored in the east end of LI and if you are out that way and interested in sailing, send me a PM. You need to be on the water and moving on.

You'll be fine. Stay away from hard drinkers.
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Old 17-04-2008, 05:59   #25
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The worst day of my life ...All for spite.
Ouch – can’t offer any learned advice on the relationship side except, good riddance --have had far too many sinkings of my own and none refloated – but as dismal as watching something sink that has a lot of your sweat equity in it, the good thing is that bit of yourself will carry to the next vessel, and the next…

Oh, and Welcome…
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Old 17-04-2008, 06:02   #26
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Sorry, but co-dependent is psycho-babble. Couples are dependent on each other in so many different ways and that is a good thing. I LIKE doing things for my wife and if that makes her dependent on me then so be it. She does the family finances and I depend on her to do them....if that makes me dependent on her then so be it. That is not a bad thing.
I agree with David here.

I'm as co-depenent as they come. I can't even function without my wife around. I have learned that on this delivery. Sailing isn't the same without her.

But to the original poster: That's one crazy story. You have to do a better job pre-screening the applicants. Being 29 and into sailing, I'm sure you realize you can write your own ticket when it comes to selecting men who are sailors. Sailors seem to consist of couples, but also a huge number of single men who haven't found a girl who is into sailing - because they are rare.

I recently dropped off my crew for this delivery I'm on. She was a 27 yr old female (I'm 36, my wife is 28). I didn't get along with the crew well because she had portrayed herself as a professional looking to get into a career on megayachts, but when she showed up, she couldn't wake up until 10AM, smoked, wasn't interested in boats, couldn't do anything in the galley, ate Cheetos for breakfast, etc... I couldn't piece it together for a while, until we stopped at our first marina. She vanished within 15 mins and was gone all night. She had maybe 3 drinks in the first half hour of our docking, and when I went to the bar later with a friend where she was, strangers were warning me that she was drinking too much.

Well, I figured it out. She obviously needs AA.

DefJef is absolutely spot on with his advice. Also, my point with the above story is that even though this girl was well... what I describe above, she had a gaggle of half a dozen guys hoping when she left my boat she'd jump ship onto theirs. One "lucky" guy won out, but a girl who is willing to go sailing is rare among many *many* single men with boats. You can be a lot more choosy!
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Old 17-04-2008, 06:33   #27
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Serena, as a prosecutor I can only urge you to go to the police if you have not already done so. I hope that you saved the little note on your dinghy (as it would provide terrific corroboration), or at least that someone else saw it before you destroyed it. Regardless, go to the police.

Please understand that this man is dangerous - the physical violence you describe (choking) can lead quite easily to death. The sinking of your (I gather jointly owned) vessel is also indicative of someone who can be expected to engage in stalking behavior: 'burning the nest' at tremendous cost to yourself (and I assume to some degree, himself) tells me that he is an incredibly controlling individual who will not readily settle into the idea that you are carrying on, let alone that you will some day become involved in a relationship with someone else.

I can understand why you would want to post this here if you expect that he will read it; I just hope you appreciate that it could set off someone who has already shown an incredible need to control you and a willingness to resort to significant violence in order to achieve it.

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Old 17-04-2008, 07:29   #28
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all I can add

All I can add to this discussion is that IF you can see her mast and IF the only hole was made with a hole saw, raising her should be a cinch. Plug the hole, seal all opening and either pump her out with a large volume pump or place lots of large truck inner tubes inside and inflate via scuba tanks. That should get her floating enough that a smaller pump over days will do the trick.

I am very sorry to hear this.

Best of luck to you.

And one more. Every person who sails double handed should be a competent single hander. All it takes is one small incident to make double handing single handing.
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Old 17-04-2008, 07:34   #29
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Sully,

Having lived a fair amount in English Harbor I am familiar with the mega yacht crew babes. These are the people who want to be close to the rich and powerful and have dreams of meeting some prince charming on board, owner or one of the guests to suck them into the easy life. They are gossipy social climbing creatures who are trying to trade on their "looks" and suffer polishing stainless steel and cleaning perfectly clean yachts to be able to live way about their pay scale as most of these yachts are often without the owner or guests aboard.

Of course the proper approach would be to study in a marine school and become a qualified crew. The chicks are nothing but bar maids with little mega yachtie uniforms. What a turn off!

You shoulda know that the minute she told you what she was going for and told her to find another yacht to practice on. Bad Sully!
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Old 17-04-2008, 09:10   #30
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Wow, that is a total bummer. Like several others, I recommend contacting the police about it. Who knows what sort of physical and mental abuse he will inflict on his next female partner. For HER sake, you should get a lawyer and prosecute him, perhaps a judge will force him to undergo counseling because he obviously has some control issues.

Sounds like you are ready to be commander. There are plenty of men who'd jump at the chance to serve as mate, put out an ad or something.
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