Connecting with the ladies....

[marleman]

Hello everyone,
I came across this Forum during an extensive search of 'somebody to talk to'....isn't the internet so useful for this!? While I realise that this discussion board is primarily for the serious blue-water cruisers out there, I know that many of you seasoned sailors often have a partner along - and it is you ladies to whom I particularly wish to address my comments/questions.

But first an introduction. My name is Marlene and I live in Adelaide which is the capital city of South Australia. Apart from some recreational sailing I have never seriously considered this as alifestyle. But 6 years ago I met a wonderful man who is hell-bent on buying a yacht big enough to live aboard and go blue-water cruising. He has quite a bit of experience... but I don't, although I am keen to support him.

I am very interested in hearing the 'stories' from the ladies out there....was the cruising life-style your idea? What was it like to begin with? What were your biggest challenges? What would you do different if you could go back to the beginning of your cruising days? What advice would you give me? Oh, if you guys also have an opion, please also feel free to add your comments!

Thanks so much, and I look forward to hearing from you,
Cheers,
Marlene

[Beachsister]

Hi Marlene, I just read your post...you sound very fortunate to have someone to go on these wonderful adventures with. I have noticed that alot on men on this forum have a difficult time understanding why women have a harder time letting go of the shore and heading out to sea to live. I guess it is natural for us to have roots and a home base so I suppose it is important for both parties to understand that. I lived aboard for only about 6 months and it was several years ago....One thing for sure is the cabin becomes very small if you are with someone that is not compatible with you. I wish you luck...It should be wonderful!
Joan

[marleman]

Hi Joan,
Thanks for your reply...I was starting to believe that this forum was populated only by half the cruising population!

My partner and I are up to the stage of actually purchasing our yacht and because it is currently situated in a regional city, our first foray will be a 2-3 day journey! I was imagining that the first cruise might be a couple hours out on a sunny Sunday afternoon!

Nevertheless, I am keen to embrace a new lifestyle and look forward to the adventure......lets just hope that the current gale-force winds die down by then

How does everyone cope with things like sea-sickness? I am not too sure how I'll go. And of course you mentioned Joan about living in close confines. I admit to being a bit worried about how we will get 'space' from each other. Currently I can go for a walk to cool off!

Oh well...like they say, there's only one thing more frightening than failure...and that's regret. I'll give it a go...

Cheers,
Marlene

[Troubledour]

marleman, I'll add something in a day or so. I'm a guy that would like to get out there myself (partly because I'm the sort that likes to think things through & modern lifestyles don't have much at all to do with thinking anything through).

I'm not with anybody atm that I'll ask to join me, maybe by the time I get going but either way, I'm going.

I can say now that I can look back on past relationships & know beyond any question which ones wouldn't have worked in the confines of a small boat. With the couple of "maybes" I'm thinking of women that read a lot or play a mean game of chess or are otherwise able to entertain themselves. Women that don't freak over things like a navigational glitch or mechanical problem but instead know that glitches happen and that skills resolve them. Women that are good at making do with & enjoying what they have instead of wistfully looking over the fence (rail), etc.

I don't mean to sound harsh about women & hope that I don't. I suppose some residual bits of hostility may leak out from time to time, I'm fairly freshly single again & she got my toys. What I'm really saying is that men are the wanderers & explorers, women are by nature nesters. This isn't at all a bad arrangement, it's worked well for a while now & will continue to if we continue to adapt.

As a couple do you both have the ability to understand each other’s natural inclinations? It sounds like you're plenty willing to try nesting on the boat, will he understand & take it in stride when "window treatments" appear in his conveyance of exploration ? Will you understand when he's still tinkering with the rigging a year after it looked a-ok to you ?

I'd just say listen to each other & maybe listen more to what's not being said than to what is being said. We all have our unique motivations & couples that "face the same way", whatever the individual impulses are, work ... they just do.

Hmmm, maybe I landed on something there ... disregard the "in a day or so" thing.

Troubledour

[marleman]

Hi Troubledour,
Thanks for your honest comments here....I think it's all very well to talk about the advantages of different hulls, advise about sails and share galley tips, however a candid discussion about human relationships on board a boat is essential for people like me who really want to "share the dream". Not everyone does, I know, but continuing to maintain a relationship aboard a yacht is often just as important as maintenance of the vessel! Well, that's my opinion anyway and I'll get off my soapbox now....

I'll admit to being one to worry in advance about things, but this is often my way of planning....thinking through the 'what-if's' and then figuring out what I need to know/do etc to be able to deal with any eventualities. I'm definitely not a "worry-wart" though and I'm quite adventurous and often take risks. I also enjoy change and I enjoy doing things just a bit different than anyone else

He already knows that I plan to change the curtains...AND the cushion covers. We've even discussed colours. I've said that I can live with the benchtops but he must have guessed that I'm not thrilled with them and has already talked about changing them.

OTOH, I know he is happy only when surrounded by mechanical and electrical devices and various other thingies. He will ALWAYS want some new toy for the boat and can be very good at justifying why we just can't do without it!

He loves to sail....I'm not sure about the sailing yet but I love to travel - especially off the beaten track.

So.....perhaps it will be OK, but I guess only time will tell.

Cheers,
Marlene

[Daniel Grant]

Marlene,
I read your post with interest as well as everyone's replies. It seems these posts were sometime ago. I was interested in how the two of you have adjusted to life aboard? You were so energetic and had good insight into the dynamics of your relationship with each other and with the boat. I look forward to an update. There is a new book by Mark Nicholas The Essentials of Living Aboard An Important Guide For New LiveAboards. It may go by Living Aboard. I found it very enlightening and recommend it. I am new to the list which is why I am so late in responding to your post. Dan