Your Better Half . . . In or Out ?

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by First Mate

It took me a year, but I convinced my hubby we needed a blue water boat instead of a coastal cruiser. good thing too, that I convinced him, as he will likely be the one to repair everything on it (of course I'll pay absolutely rapt attention to everything he does so that I'll also know how to do it be able to supervise him better in the future.....).

now his top priority is that the engines have excellent access all around and preferably good head room in the engine room - so he can repair it (yes! him! not me! he he!)

now all we have to do is buy the boat....

Fixed that one up for you.

[gbendaly]

out

for as long as the boat is on the move , my wife is content and even happy, as soon as we become becalmed she becomes restless and in a bad mood. more over she cannot spend more than one night aboard
she always finds a reason to complain if its not the heat it is the mosquitoes if it is not the humidity it is the hard mattress if it is not the motion it is the noises etc.. one good point though, she never gets seasick and is an excellent cook
as far as the cruising lifestyle is concerned I must sadly admit...she's OUT

[First Mate]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

Fixed that one up for you.

no fooling you

[k2kamahele]

My husband is a "water" person and a good sport, but he had never sailed until he met me. I can't say I have been able to show him the best side of sailing with some of the conditions we have been out in, as sometimes we would have to get somewhere or get back to work, despite what the weather was doing. Still, I think he is starting to look back on some of those times with a sense of pride having survived, LOL! The fact that he is still here gives me hope that he is IN, for the "big picture" of someday cruising as a lifestyle. I do feel bad that he never "volunteers" to go sailing, or looks at the weather and says "lets go out and see if we can fly the spinnaker".
That would be dreamy!

[iiii]

My wife is definately IN!
We sailed around the Great Lakes for a few years on small (22 to 25') boats.
One day at a freinds house we were discussing an article about a couple cruising the Bahamas and beyond, when out of the blue my wife say "I think I'd like to do that." A year later we bought a Morgan 34 and cruised it for nine years!
That ended in 2002, when we ran afoul of Francis.
Now we are getting ready to head out again next year for the Bahamas and East Coast and then to the Easern or Western Carribean.

[Charlie]

Jury is stillout. It was part of the prenup. We would go cruising but not sell the house to do so. As soon as I get the house paid off we can do it. But will she want to leave the house? Don't know. We met her doing foredeck on a race boat. But don't know if she is up for the cuising lifestyle. I have to go in order to be true to myself. I've been working on it for 20 years now.

[Olorin]

She's definitely "In".

When we first got together I had a Hobie 18 and we were in our early 40's. As she was game enough to climb out on the trapeze with me flying a hull I knew she was the adventurous type. So now with a more appropriate vessel we are going to go blue water cruising and see the world.

[sailingmonica]

My husband designed and built MONICA for me as a gift for our 30th. None of us ever sailed before, or set foot on a sailboat for that matter, but we always wanted to, but couldn't afford it. So he decided to build one, and I took to it like a fish to water.

I sail, I dock, I plot courses, I am a HAM operator, I fish, I cook, I clean (even under the engine), I go up the mast - anything. And I love it.

There is nothing like being on night watch on an ocean passage, under the stars, sailing into the moon's reflection.

As for my husband, after he gave me MONICA and the incommensurate joy that came with her, he can do no wrong by me for the rest of his life.

[Joli]

She's in. Sailed and raced her whole life. Here is a sequence when we were shooting a race. I didn't know how close she was crossing the charter boat till I looked at the pics afterwords. I guess she crosses like I do, aim at the primaries and forget about the rest of the boat.

[Joli]

Here she is. St Martin, post racing the Heineken Regatta. We enjoyed a couple of days of sight seeing.

[Southern Star]

My girlfriend/partner (I shudder) from when I first joined this site is definitely out - and good riddance! Wait a minute, that's not with this thread is about? Damn, I was so looking forward to having the opportunity to read people's honest assessments of the state of their own unions.

Anyway, my new (and vastly improved) one is definitely in - not only to sailing, but to me and our current path. How do I know that she is not, like she who shall remain nameless, just playing along with me about the sailing part in order to enjoy a life in the Caribbean? Like any good trial lawyer, I generally place more reliance upon physical evidence rather than what people say. But where on earth can one find 'physical' evidence of her love for the boat, sailing and the sea?

Like many women she has a tendancy to constipation (and an aversion to smelly washrooms). I have found that for many women, this problem is only exacerbated in a boating environment, where one is typically confined to a comparitively small space equipped with the usual uncomfortable and recalcitrant marine toilet. To my delight (OK, that may be a bit strong come pump-out time) she is as regular as clockwork on the boat (EVERY morning around the same time). But as soon as we return shoreside, she again becomes constipated. Please understand, this is not a one-off thing, it has become the norm both during and after any stay on the boat for more than a day.

Just last night she told me how much she was looking forward to getting back on the boat Friday night (after a one week absence). I had hoped for a glowing review of my seamanship, the joys of our refurbished vessel and an overnight passage to a pretty anchorage but intstead, her nonetheless heart-felt comment was followed by: "I am so bloated, I haven't been able to go since we got off the boat." To her suprise, I responded that I was so very glad to hear that.

Cheers!

Brad

[barnakiel]

My first mate is probably the model bridge officer. She is a good person, an intimate friend, an intelligent pilot, a sensual lover and a toughest watchkeeper. She is worth her weight in gold and diamonds (not much of it - just 90 lb;-) and even so it would be a bargain. If she refused to go with me, I would abduct her and lock in her cabin and then open the door only when well offshore. But by now, she goes with me out of her own will (6 years now, 5 ocean crossings, 35 000 miles+). If she opted out I would do everything to make sure she can follow her dreams and ambitions. If possible, I would go along.

Frankly, I think they key is in respecting the other half's needs and speaking up openly on our own needs, dreams and frustrations. I have met very few successful sailing couples, but I have met very many couples where one sails while the other does his/her own things, and then whenever possible they join to share the other's joys and sorrows. And I met dozens of sailing couples that split, but I believe it was not the sea, the sea was just the catalyst.

The survivors are those couples that share the same values as well as those who are smart enough to combine their efforts towards achieving both her and his (or her/her or his/his) targets.

Love brings understanding, respect and patience to all relationships and if we can chase the dream it is great but if we can chase our dreams it is also a very lucky occurrence.

Once my dream was to sail around the world, and thanks to my first mate we turned the dream into reality. Now my dream is to live a happy life, perhaps in a remote mountain hut doing all the little maintenance jobs (how do you anti-foul a wooden roof anyway?) while she will have her full of gardening/cooking and snow trekking. And if some more sailing comes in the package that's all I am asking for.

Hugs to all the community,
barnakiel, the lucky circumnavigator

[sailingmonica]

Brad,

Posting the particulars of your girlfriend's bowel movements for all to see may cause you to become single very quickly. Just a thought...

[Ocean Girl]

Barnakiel, What a great post! So insightful.

No comment on the er uh.. BM problem, except eat more fiber and drink more water (ok- the nurse in me couldn't resist)
Cheers,
Erika

BTW- I'm in, now where's my better half?

[Southern Star]

Not if she doesn't read this site! Sorry, its actually a true story right down to the conversation last night - I just couldn't resist! And anyway, another (and far more important reason) that she is 'in' is that she has a passion for seeing and experiencing new places and things, she is a quick study, she has a terrific sense of humour and she is not a prude! We'll be fine, thanks.


Brad