Why We Stay Safely Tied to the Dock

[thinwater]

Many years ago I read a humorous article by famous Scotish ice climber, Tom Patey, titled "The Art of Climbing Down Gracefully." It discussed the many reasons, or at least rationalizations, used by aging climbers to avoid admitting publicly that they could no longer make the grade at the local crag. A few, paraphrased, below:

* The gamey leg ploy. Seldom succesfull, so many climbers have more interesting injuries and disabilities than yours.
* The family man ploy. "I just can't take the same risks, that I used to." This can work, if you were a bold climber; it depends on the company and what history you have. Only applies to expedition climbing.
* The frone wind ploy. Bad weather, or at least the wrong weather for the climb in mind. Mostly a mixed ice and rock climber's ploy.
* Wrong gear ploy. Show up with Everest gear at a warm cliff. For practice.
* The old-man-of-the-mountains ploy. Talk about how the new game just isn't the old game. Beter have some real miles on you for this to work.

Sailors - or rather those tied to the dock - have a similar list of reason they can't go on a cruise:

* Need a blue water boat ploy. No you don't, not for coastal cruising. Go out and get some practice while you save your nickles.
* Just can't get crew. Why did you get a boat you can't manage single-handed, or at least with inexperienced crew. People go around the world alone; coastal cruising shorthanded is not exceptional. It just requires thought.
* I need (this or that bit of safety kit) before it would be responsible. Other than the basics, they didn't exist 30 years ago.
* I need (this or that bit of electronics) before it would be responsible. Other than VHF, it didn't exist 30 years ago. Take a chart.
* That is not a cruisers' harbor; no boat of real draft can mange. If this was a 7-seas sailor I would bite. For a Chesapeake Bay sailor, why did you buy a boat with a draft that kept you at home?
* I must haul-out for the season, from October to May. In the great lakes, nuf said. South of Baltimore, I have sailed 4-season for 25 years. Yes, some winterization is still required, but actually less if the boat is kept in the water and used.

At least 1/2 the boats in any marina set all summer. Even more stay too close to home, never venturing out of site of their home slip. So, what real, humorous, or just plain odd explainations you have heard for boats that don't move? I shouldn't talk right now; I've been motionless, working on 2 lame engines for several weeks now, but I do hope to be going in a week or so. My "bum engine" ploy will then be played out.

We ought to be able to make a thread of this.