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Old 30-06-2016, 00:59   #16
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Ha, I heard a funny one once long ago in a far off land. A charter boat (why do they so often start like this!) Called charter base.

Errr charter base this is xxxx ummm alls well, but we need a diver sent out to the bay...

Um. Ok then, are you sure you need a diver? Whats the problem.

Yes we NEED a diver, we have a major rudder issue!

Umm ok then, maybe we can fix it from onboard, would you mind telling me exactly what has happened to the rudder, does it still turn?

This is Xxxx I can assure you we are going to need a diver for this one. The rudder is on the bottom, we have no rudder.

Ohh Ok, did you run aground, is their any other damage?

No, I rather not discuss how it was lost, but maybe a diver can put it back. We still have the tiller and the bolt...

Ok we have a boat and a diver on the way. Over

Anyway things went hush for a bit.

Turned out (via the grapevine) that they had a party, and to clear some space in the cockpit they thought they would unbolt the tiller that was cluttering up the space.

Unfortunately the tiller and its bolt was the only thing stopping the heavy spade rudder sinking. They didn't notice the rudder stock dropping as they undid the bolt until it suddenly disappeared out the bottom! I bet they didnt look forward to the call the next morning.. Very sheepish they was.

Thing is I think they were pretty experianced sailors, just a few bev's and a bright idea to ruin the night.
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Old 30-06-2016, 14:21   #17
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Last year, I was sailing in bad visibility when a fisherman called the local MRCC on VHF. He had just met a small motorboat with 2 elderly people on board. They seemed lost and had asked him for the direction of an island nearby. He gave the info but they started in the wrong direction and were then out of sight. The fisherman was worried and asked for instructions.

The MRCC called the local Customs airplane and asked the pilot to find the motorboat in the fog, then direct the fisherman to it, and requested him to bring the elderly couple back to safety, which he did.

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Old 03-07-2016, 02:36   #18
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

In Ionian Sea last year -- on channel 16

CG CG CG this is sailing vessel ZXDUH

CG - what is your emergency

ZXDUH - we are in a cave

CG -- Say again

ZXDUH -- we are in a cave - we sailed into a cave and we can't get out

CG - what are your coordinates -

ZXDUH -- not sure but in the big cave

there was a bit more but we got fascinated that anyone would do such a thing -- it was charter boat by the way
they switched channels and we lost them
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Old 03-07-2016, 06:48   #19
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

An old aviation joke that may have been true, but never gets old.:



Unidentified Aircraft With Hot Mike: "oh man, I'm all f####d up"

Navy Sherman ground controller: "transmitting on ground frequency, say your call sign"!

Silence

Navy Sherman ground controller: "aircraft transmitting on ground frequency, say again your call sign"!

Secondary aircraft on frequency: "the kid said he was f####d up--not stupid"





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Old 03-07-2016, 10:34   #20
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Vessel - Help, help help, coast guard, coast guard,

CG - Vessel calling help, this is CG Seattle. Do you need assistance?

Vessel - Yes , we are lost. (there goes one of the usually requested pieces of info)

CG - Where we you this morning?

Vessel - Friday Harbor.

CG - What is your intended destination?

Vessel - Anacortes.

(How does one get lost on a clear day in the San Juans?)

CG - Do you have a GPS on board?

Very long pause.

Vessel - What's a GPS?
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Old 03-07-2016, 12:42   #21
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Too cute, even disregarding that the messages are in violation of regs.

Just to put my oar in the water, there is the story of a bareboat charter calling in for some more anchors to be sent out.

The charter company was confused and responded that there were three anchors on board. The bare boaters came back with "yes but we've anchored three times!"


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Old 03-07-2016, 15:43   #22
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Quote:
Originally Posted by cabo_sailor View Post
...

The charter company was confused and responded that there were three anchors on board. The bare boaters came back with "yes but we've anchored three times!"
Ha, I used to live near a Moorings base. Often when working on my boat, I would leave the VHF on their working channel just for entertainment.
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Old 05-07-2016, 02:32   #23
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

We were about to enter New York harbor a number of years ago and we saw a nasty storm coming. We reefed and set up for a nasty but short storm as our radar gave us a idea of it's depth. It hit and was very nasty. We suddenly heard

boat -- (womans voice) screaming -- MAYDAY MAYDAY

CG -- who is call may day

boat -- we are near the harbor entrance and it is bad please send someone

CG -- are you anchored or underway

boat -- anchored

CG --what are your coordinates

boat -- I don't know

CG -- what is the description of your boat

boat -- gave description

another boat (a charter fishing boat) -- lady are you in the boat behind and described their boat

boat -- yes - please help

another boat -- lady you are not in danger - you anchor is set well and you are not moving your boat is safe as you right behind me and I can see you well -- now please get off the radio as there may be true emergencies out here and you are not one -- CG the boat seems very secure and we will monitor

CG -- thank you and please let us know if things change
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Old 05-07-2016, 03:30   #24
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Sitting in my local Areo club having a coffee with others as we casually glanced out the window as a 777 (can't recall what it was but its virgin airlines) came in to land and touched down. As it headed down the runway and then out of site of our club rooms a casual, 'whoa big momma, whoa' came over the radio followed by a snickering from the control tower.
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Old 05-07-2016, 04:25   #25
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

And then the guy says "But this channel works fine".
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Old 05-07-2016, 04:33   #26
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Quote:
Originally Posted by stevec195 View Post
An old aviation joke that may have been true, but never gets old.:

Unidentified Aircraft With Hot Mike: "oh man, I'm all f####d up"

Navy Sherman ground controller: "transmitting on ground frequency, say your call sign"!

Silence

Navy Sherman ground controller: "aircraft transmitting on ground frequency, say again your call sign"!

Secondary aircraft on frequency: "the kid said he was f####d up--not stupid"

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that cracked me up
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Old 06-07-2016, 10:31   #27
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

At night, heading home to Vancouver from Halkett bay July 2014, as we were approaching First Narrows/Lions Gate Bridge we heard the following on 16:

Vessel (in very raspy/lethargic voice): Help Me, Help Me
CG: Vessel calling help this is the Canadian Coast Guard what is your location and the nature of your emergency?
Vessel: We hit a rock near Second Narrows Bridge. Everyone fell into the water. There is blood everywhere. Oh my god what did I do.
CG: How many people aboard etc
Vessel: They’re all gone. So much blood.
CG: How many people aboard, any vessels nearby able to assist etc

At this point the Vessel just keeps rambling about how much blood there is and how he killed everyone and they’re all dead, over and over.

The coast guard and harbor police switch to another channel to organize the search party as it is clear that the vessel is not coherent anymore. The hover craft goes zooming past our sail boat. 30 minutes later the coast guard gives the all clear again on 16 and says that everyone one is accounted for. End of transmission. WTF happened?

Searching the news the next day we find an article telling of a drunk speed boater that dropped off some passengers and was heading home alone when he ran around at full speed in the dark near Second Narrows. He flew threw his windshield and somehow managed to swim back and board his grounded boat and radio for help. No fatalities. I guess through all that he forgot that he dropped off his passengers (lucky them)
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Old 06-07-2016, 10:53   #28
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

I was a radio operator for 20 years so I have more than a few. Hard to pick just one. Okay - got it.

One very very busy night I was on VHF giving pilots radio checks and frequency assignments. 8-10 planes all called at once. I acknowledged them by callsign and told them what number they were in line. When I lifted my foot off the pedal I heard "This is Bulls__t". So, I'm not going to sit still for that and asked

"who said that?"

And I hear"

"American57 negative bullsh__t"
"Speedbird253 negative bullsh__t"
"Lufthansa standing by, negative bulls__t"

all the way down the line.

I had put all this on speaker so the rest of the radio room could hear it. I swear the tears were running down my face and I couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the shift.
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Old 06-07-2016, 10:54   #29
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Caller - Help, help, coast guard, please

CG - Vessel calling help, this is CG... do you need assistance?

Caller- Yes , we are lost and its foggy

CG - Where are you located?

Caller – on Mero Beach

CG - What is your destination?

Caller – Kingston

CG - Do you have a GPS on board?

Caller – No

CG – Please anchor your boat, wait until the fog dissipates and keeps in contact

Pause…

Caller – We don’t have an anchor… we are in a Jeep.
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Old 06-07-2016, 11:33   #30
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Re: Things You Hear on the Radio

Not nearly as good as some of the others... But I'll play.

Out sailing right off of Dana Point. Had 2 crew on board, one knew kinda how to sail, the other was a first time newbie. Was watching a whale along with 10-15 other boats. (Those that know socal, knows that ends up a big horseshoe shaped line of boats around the whale)

Anyhow, fog rolls in, thick enough vis is restricted to < 100 yards or so. My crew looks a little worried and asks what we're gonna do. I say we're getting away from all these boats near us, and we're getting away from the harbor entrance 'cause it's gonna be a cluster. So we just sail out to sea a ways. Making 5kts or so under sail.

20 min later or so a panicked voice comes on the radio:
<SV hunter 34>: DP harbor patrol! We've lost power and are in the harbor mouth. We can't see because of the fog!

<HP> (standard stuff about location, souls on board, etc... tells em to drop their anchor)

I _almost_ picked up the mic and told em to put out a sail and head west........ But that would have been a bit jerky.
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