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Old 25-09-2010, 21:02   #1
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There Is Hope . . . Wife Says She Will Go . . .

I thought my outing this summer on the Cheasapeake was a failure as the Wife didn't really warm to the idea of a cruising life during the trip... but yesterday, out of the blue, she says, "you know, I think I could do that"... Ha... now all I have to do is get the bucks lined up.... small detail... so for any of you out there who have a reluctant other half, don't give up hope.. mine has gone from "No Way, Stop Taking About That" to "I think I could do that".... just took about 3yrs ....go figure...

Cheers
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Old 25-09-2010, 21:19   #2
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Just get her stuck into the preparation and outfitting at which women excel over men. My wife, who did not know the pointy end from the blunt end, was invaluable bringing a broken down cruising boat (Transpac 49) back to seaworthy condition. She learned the systems and gear long before she know how to read the wind and sail close hauled. Now I would trust her on any passage, coastal or offshore. She is a better navigator than I because she is familiar with the latest and greatest electronic and computer assisted aids. I can still do a noon sight and figure the reduction tables out better than her, though... small satisfaction! Capt Phil
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Old 25-09-2010, 23:38   #3
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G'day, mate. Good on you! Your heading in the right direction. A tip...make sure that future cat has plenty of water making capacity for daily showers and a good fridge to keep the wine cold...that will help to extend the dream even further. All the best. Cheers.
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Old 26-09-2010, 03:05   #4
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Yeah, I agree with Phil to give her meaningful tasks now so she can enjoyable become involved from day uno.

However, I wouldn't just roll up and say: You're a woman, get all the provisioning organised and get a spreadsheet on the computer....

Maybe a more psychologically devious method is called for. Such as saying: "I'm ordering 365 cans of SPAM for our first year. What's your opinion?"

The more she is involved the more she will 'nest' and that, I believe is the key. Females need to feel their safe, secure place in the whole world is on the boat. Their nest.
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Old 26-09-2010, 19:14   #5
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GOOD DEAL
Our first RTW to help make her more comfortable about cruising, I made her a deal..

We would leave our home in Fla., do the islands all the way to Aruba, at which point she would pick which way to go. West around the world, North back home finishing the Caribbean or east to the Med.

Worked out great, no pressure on destination and plenty of time to get acclimated to cruising....

Still together, so somerhing must have been done right, planning on second trip now...
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Old 26-09-2010, 19:25   #6
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What if you're ...say...15 years in and she's still saying, "No way, stop talking about that"?
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Old 26-09-2010, 21:53   #7
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eh..my wife has done the 180 too..one trip sailing..hooked. we slept on the boat last night, and she bailed early, because the vee berth mattress sucks and hurt her hip..so today she is talking about custom fit mattresses...it is an amazing change to witness...she picked up the new latts&atts today..and drooled over the sailright sewing machine..guess she wants to learn to make sails..she's been sewing since age six..I doubt she will mess with provisioning and organization...'s my forte..

Good luck with yours..try to get her out sailing under pleasant circumstances and make it as fun and pleasant as possible..take her on weekend trips with stops to see stuff she likes...
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Old 04-10-2010, 14:04   #8
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Go where?

Quote:
Originally Posted by capcook View Post
There Is Hope . . . Wife Says She Will Go . . .
You got me thinking this is a divorce thread for a while, there!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ishmael View Post
What if you're ...say...15 years in and she's still saying, "No way, stop talking about that"?
See above comment...
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Old 04-10-2010, 14:42   #9
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Let her have some ownership. Took me a while but I realized that the reason I love sailing is the freedom I have to set it up the way I want and go where I want. Your wife might not want to have a completely active hand in construction input and cruising destinations but once I realized that I wouldn't be happy if I was on someone else's boat, I started (and still try) to make sure that she knows its her boat and her trips too. And honestly, she does a great job making it a wonderful home.
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Old 04-10-2010, 14:57   #10
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the boat has to go from being guy turf to being couple turf. simple things like ordering a real mattress go a long way. for me, I had to get it through my thick head that fire extinguishers didn't belong smack in the middle of a bulkhead. safety was still important, yes, but aesthetics held trump. we mounted the fire extinguisher near the floor, and she began cruising the galleries to find just the right piece of art for that bulkhead. it suddenly became her boat as well.
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Old 04-10-2010, 16:39   #11
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Congrats.
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Old 04-10-2010, 18:31   #12
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I agree with you, Bash, but as Mark pointed out, not a good idea to drop her in the deep end and not offer any input on decorating and provisioning. I would always ask her for an opinion on things mechanical, rigging issues, etc even though she might not have a clue what I was talking about... great learning experience. Sometimes when you ask a newbie for input, you get an unvarnished question in return causing you to think to yourself... 'why didn't I think of that?'. We always referred to the boat as 'our home' not my boat. I hadn't thought much about it but Mark's comment on the female nesting instinct is right on the money.
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Old 04-10-2010, 18:51   #13
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Most important thing I saw in your post was that she said: "I think I could do that"

Guys grow up internalizing the adventures we plan for our lives. Women, often, grow up thinking of different things. While you've been sailing and hoping she "likes it"; her thinking and internalizing of the experience has probably been a lot different. To me "I think I could do that" sounds like a big accomplishemnt for the two of you!
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Old 04-10-2010, 19:07   #14
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Old 04-10-2010, 19:57   #15
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I was that women... we live on the Chesapeake Bay. I liked being the weekend warrior on the boat, and only liked fairwind days. We came to the agreement that we summer at home on land, and winter south on the boat. We are leaving this weekend. We did it last year and loved it. Next year we are talking about a two year trip ... something I would have never agreed to 2 yrs ago. Still not fond of strong heeling, but he eases off when he sees me tense up. Make her comfortable and keep your cool. Oh and lots of drinks for after you set the anchor
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