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Old 09-04-2016, 18:30   #1231
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Boat Intercepted Off the Texas Coast!


The Navy intercepted a boatload of people off the Texas coast today.
This placed the Navy in an awkward position as the boat was not heading to the USA, but towards Mexico and Central America.
Another surprise finding was the people were American retirement age seniors. Their claim was that they were trying to get to Central America or Southern Mexico as they wanted to return to the US as illegal immigrants. Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate American retirees.
It is believed the Navy gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.
We are booking on the next boat out. Let me know if you want to join us.
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Old 09-04-2016, 19:45   #1232
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Things to ponder. Stop me if you've heard these before.....


1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

4. What if there are no hypothetical questions?

5. Is there another word for synonym?

6. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

7. What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

8. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

9. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

10. How is it possible to have a Civil War?

11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

12. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
Why do they call it "rush" hour?
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Old 09-04-2016, 22:05   #1233
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
Boat Intercepted Off the Texas Coast!


The Navy intercepted a boatload of people off the Texas coast today.
This placed the Navy in an awkward position as the boat was not heading to the USA, but towards Mexico and Central America.
Another surprise finding was the people were American retirement age seniors. Their claim was that they were trying to get to Central America or Southern Mexico as they wanted to return to the US as illegal immigrants. Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate American retirees.
It is believed the Navy gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.
We are booking on the next boat out. Let me know if you want to join us.
Notice that the person at the helm, and presumably the Captain, is a woman? And also, apparently, a blond? Just thought it worth a mention.....

Actually, many of them seem to be blond (or blonde)... Well, except for that baldish guy looking at whales or something instead of paying attention to the rowing.
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Old 09-04-2016, 23:45   #1234
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Notice that the person at the helm, and presumably the Captain, is a woman? And also, apparently, a blond? Just thought it worth a mention.....

Actually, many of them seem to be blond (or blonde)... Well, except for that baldish guy looking at whales or something instead of paying attention to the rowing.
Technicalities!
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Old 11-04-2016, 16:13   #1235
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Technicalities!
Oops..... Just trying to slide away from politics. NTTAWWT



Anyway....

Sign posted in the local cafe:


Tubby or not tubby,
fat is the question.
Try our low calorie lunch.
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Old 12-04-2016, 04:06   #1236
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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....

Sign posted in the local cafe:


Tubby or not tubby,
fat is the question.
Try our low calorie lunch.
Shakespeare would have liked that and added....
....Whether it is nobler in the behind or to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous Fortune Cookies
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Old 12-04-2016, 09:45   #1237
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Re: The New Joke Thread

If only...
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Old 12-04-2016, 09:46   #1238
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Re: The New Joke Thread

So true...
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Old 12-04-2016, 13:22   #1239
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Canadian rioter...
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Old 13-04-2016, 08:24   #1240
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Re: The New Joke Thread

History...
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Old 13-04-2016, 21:13   #1241
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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History...
I like and appreciate your jokes, socal.... really. But.....

"Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."

{This was quoted by Mark Twain in a lecture, and is still commonly misattributed to Twain, but actually comes from Charles Dudley Warner.}

Which got me to thinking that everybody complains about the political situation, but nobody does anything about it.

Except for a lot of people in the former members of the Warsaw Pact, the former republics of the Soviet Union, plus the South Africans, the Tunisians, the Libyans, the Egyptians, the Syrians, the Sudanese, the Kurdish, and folk in Tibet, in Nepal, in Somalia, and in bunches of other places around the world. And now it's happening in the USA.

It's a matter of demographics, education, job opportunity, and a score of other factors. Don't like recent world political changes? Well, outrun the bus, get aboard the bus, or get run over by the bus. Times change. Empires rise and fall. While some have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo, others benefit from the revolution. And revolution is happening now. Today. Deal with it.


Sorry about addressing politics in what should be a joke thread.
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Old 13-04-2016, 21:16   #1242
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A man robs a bank and takes hostages.
He asks the first hostage, 'did you see me rob the bank'.
The hostage answers 'yes'. The robber, promptly, shoots him in the head.
Then he asks the second hostage if she saw him rob the bank.
The hostage answers, 'no, but my husband did'.

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Old 13-04-2016, 22:38   #1243
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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I like and appreciate your jokes, socal.... really. But.....

"Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."

{This was quoted by Mark Twain in a lecture, and is still commonly misattributed to Twain, but actually comes from Charles Dudley Warner.}

Which got me to thinking that everybody complains about the political situation, but nobody does anything about it.

Except for a lot of people in the former members of the Warsaw Pact, the former republics of the Soviet Union, plus the South Africans, the Tunisians, the Libyans, the Egyptians, the Syrians, the Sudanese, the Kurdish, and folk in Tibet, in Nepal, in Somalia, and in bunches of other places around the world. And now it's happening in the USA.

It's a matter of demographics, education, job opportunity, and a score of other factors. Don't like recent world political changes? Well, outrun the bus, get aboard the bus, or get run over by the bus. Times change. Empires rise and fall. While some have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo, others benefit from the revolution. And revolution is happening now. Today. Deal with it.


Sorry about addressing politics in what should be a joke thread.
Yes, I think you went way off the deep end there.

It was a joke, it struck me as funny and true, nothing more.

I certainly don't read anything about you into any of your jokes, and I certainly wouldn't presume to lecture at you like a schoolkid over any of them...
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Old 14-04-2016, 14:57   #1244
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Yes, I think you went way off the deep end there.

It was a joke, it struck me as funny and true, nothing more.

I certainly don't read anything about you into any of your jokes, and I certainly wouldn't presume to lecture at you like a schoolkid over any of them...
Agreed. You're right. I over-reacted. My mistake and I should have hit delete instead of the submit button for that post of mine. Please accept my apologies.
James
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Old 14-04-2016, 15:25   #1245
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Agreed. You're right. I over-reacted. My mistake and I should have hit delete instead of the submit button for that post of mine. Please accept my apologies.
James
Gladly!

Let's get back to some more jokes!
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