Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 11-02-2016, 04:43   #1036
Registered User
 
jeanathon's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: WNC mountains U.S.
Boat: 1968 Hinterhoel Redwing
Posts: 498
Re: The New Joke Thread

These are bad, but . .....



Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing.

When do you know a banana wants to dance? When you see a banana shake!

A: why are you looking so glum? B:I’ve lost my root vegetable. A:
don’t worry, it will turnip.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

I just got hit by a rented car. It Hertz!

I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.

‘I stand corrected,’ said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
__________________

__________________
Let's ban together to ban sillycone....
jeanathon is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2016, 19:39   #1037
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

#Meanwhile In Cyberspace....
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Wrong Ex.jpeg
Views:	228
Size:	30.2 KB
ID:	118787  
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2016, 19:41   #1038
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

#Meanwhile In Cyberspace.... version 02
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Wrong Ex - 02.jpeg
Views:	221
Size:	30.7 KB
ID:	118789  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2016, 05:54   #1039
Registered User
 
Lohi's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Second to the right, and straight on till morning
Boat: Couch Potato
Posts: 65
Images: 19
Re: The New Joke Thread

Been following a certain thread and for some reason this song keeps popping in my head..

__________________
After all I have no nationality and am not anxious to claim any. Individuality is more than nationality.
Lohi is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2016, 06:47   #1040
Registered User
 
ontherocks83's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Boat: Checkmate Strobe 201
Posts: 1,538
Re: The New Joke Thread

........
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	MIND.jpg
Views:	169
Size:	64.7 KB
ID:	118811  
__________________
-Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum
-Molon Labe
ontherocks83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2016, 12:01   #1041
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

Ain't this the truth!
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	miley cyrus hammer.jpg
Views:	216
Size:	123.9 KB
ID:	118823  
__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 15:08   #1042
D&D
Registered User
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Yamba, Australia
Boat: Lagoon 440, #406
Posts: 1,394
Re: The New Joke Thread

Signs?

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (1).jpg
Views:	250
Size:	38.8 KB
ID:	118937


Name:   signs (2).jpg
Views: 513
Size:  15.4 KB

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (3).jpg
Views:	288
Size:	108.3 KB
ID:	118939

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (4).jpg
Views:	303
Size:	80.4 KB
ID:	118940

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (5).jpg
Views:	241
Size:	118.1 KB
ID:	118941

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (6).jpg
Views:	231
Size:	34.1 KB
ID:	118942

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (7).jpg
Views:	232
Size:	46.2 KB
ID:	118943

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (8).jpg
Views:	240
Size:	48.3 KB
ID:	118944

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (9).jpg
Views:	231
Size:	21.1 KB
ID:	118945

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (11).jpg
Views:	242
Size:	19.0 KB
ID:	118946

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (12).jpg
Views:	239
Size:	91.0 KB
ID:	118947

Click image for larger version

Name:	signs (13).jpg
Views:	240
Size:	36.4 KB
ID:	118948
__________________
...throw off the bowlines...sail away from safe harbor...catch the winds in your sails...EXPLORE...DREAM...DISCOVER...

www.floatingimpressions.com.au
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 15:38   #1043
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

International sign for marriage.
Attached Images
 
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 15:48   #1044
Registered User
 
ontherocks83's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Boat: Checkmate Strobe 201
Posts: 1,538
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Internation sign for marriage.
Whoa! I would have guessed something completely different and inappropriate
__________________
-Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum
-Molon Labe
ontherocks83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 16:08   #1045
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ontherocks83 View Post
Whoa! I would have guessed something completely different and inappropriate
Git yur mind out'a the gutter, mate!
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	super-uncomfortable-family-photo-photo-u1.jpg
Views:	248
Size:	49.0 KB
ID:	118963  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 16:15   #1046
Registered User
 
Adelie's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: El Ciudad del Mission San Diego de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 2,464
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Git yur mind out'a the gutter, mate!

Why? It's kinda fun down here!


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
SailboatData
Adelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 17:50   #1047
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

101 things NOT to say during sex




1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

6. Try breathing through your nose.

7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out.

11. Person 1: This is your first time..right?
Person 2: Yeah.. today

12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by
the Hour!

13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

14. Do you accept Visa?

15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your
friend!

18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains,
okay?

20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I
learned at the zoo!

22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I
just steam-cleaned this couch!

25. Got any penicillin?

26. But I just brushed my teeth...

27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

29. I want a baby!

30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

34. I think you have it on backwards.

35. When is this supposed to feel good?

36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it be-
longs!

37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

38. Is that blood on the headboard?

39. Did I remember to take my pill?

40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...

42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..

45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance..

47. No, really... I do this part better myself!

48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to
inflate!

49. This would be more fun with a few more people..

50. You're almost as good as my ex!

51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed
with rotten potatoes?

53. You look younger than you feel.

54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.

55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.

57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...

58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is
overrated.

60. What tampon?

61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

64. I have a confession...

65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck
home!

66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

69. You'll still vote for me, won't you?

70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

71. I really hate women who actually think sex means
something!

72. Did you come yet, dear?

73. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you
tell me who you're fantasizing about...

74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no
time!

75. Does this count as a date?

76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

77. Hic! I need another beer for this please.

78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

79. Q: You can cook, too right?
A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)

80. When would you like to meet my parents?

81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone
I really like...
Woman: Yourself?

82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with
names.

84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.

85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few
phone calls?

86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off.
Do you have a light?

87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Dober-
man.

88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".

93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!

94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

95. Is this a sin too?

96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...

99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

101. You mean you're NOT my blind date
__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-02-2016, 22:08   #1048
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

Yet again stretching the limits of the PC culture, here:
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Assisted Suicide.jpg
Views:	289
Size:	39.9 KB
ID:	118994  
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-02-2016, 13:32   #1049
D&D
Registered User
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Yamba, Australia
Boat: Lagoon 440, #406
Posts: 1,394
Re: The New Joke Thread

> The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
> >
> >
> >
> > My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks, "Who does something like that?!?"
> >
> >
> >
> > I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > The speed with which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the **** storm that's coming.
> >
> >
> >
> > Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' .....If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... your life sucks!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's going to get me something.
> >
> >
> >
> > On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. ...This is upsetting news to me............ I had no idea I was Japanese.
> >
> >
> >
> > I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
> >
> >
> >
> > I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
> >
> >
> >
> > What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their nose?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow
> > that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life."

__________________
...throw off the bowlines...sail away from safe harbor...catch the winds in your sails...EXPLORE...DREAM...DISCOVER...

www.floatingimpressions.com.au
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-02-2016, 14:15   #1050
Registered User

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Central California
Boat: Catalina 30
Posts: 842
Re: The New Joke Thread

JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

OMG! It's true!
__________________

__________________
Bill
...........................................
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ribeye.
jongleur is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 20:51.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.