I also like pilot chatter and ATC jokes...
This is not a joke...
I live near an FBO and have a wide band radio
that can hear everything from LF/MF to 1.8GHz in UHF. One day a young female pilot apparently didn't follow ATC instructions and screwed up in lining up for her approach. The male ATC got a little agitated with her (which seemed unprofessional to me at first) and told her to get in the back of the lineup 3 mi out and try again.
As she approached for the second time, she repeated back the left runway instead of the right. The ATC yelled back at her, "RIGHT RUNWAY! RIGHT RUNWAY!" Apparently she was lined up properly, just repeated it back wrong. After she touched down, she reported so to the tower, who said, "Turn right at the end, park that thing and go back to school! You have no business flying and endangering others!"
I thought that was a pretty harsh thing to say to anyone, much less a young lady, but after listening to this same calm ATC for months and never hearing him yell at anyone else, I'm starting to think this may have been a pattern with her. Or maybe it was his daughter. Who knows.
Now for the joke...
There was a DC-9 coming in for a landing and as he approached, he saw an old tattered Cessna 152 sitting on a taxiway waiting to take off on the same runway after he was done. THe DC-9 slammed into the ground more so than landed, and the Cessna pilot quipped, "Nice landing!"
Stung, the DC-9 pilot replied, "Cute little plane. Did you build that yourself?"
To which the Cessna pilot immediately retorted, "Yes, from DC-9 parts
that fall off after rough landings like yours. I see enough parts
on the runway right now to build a second plane."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport
are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747
pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I