The New Joke Thread

[svmariane]

Female ATC: Airline123 descend and maintain FLxxx.

Airline 123: Descend FLxxx pilots discretion.

Female ATC reams the pilot: DESCEND NOW! IF I WANTED YOU TO GO AT PILOTS DESCRETION, I WOULD HAVE SAID.......BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Huge pregnant pause, dead quiet.

Finally an unidentified voice says: Was I married to you once?





<enough for now...... >

[Saleen411]

Continuing the aviation theme....true story.

Lufthansa to ground control.....Vee must return to zee gate.....vee are missing some passengers.

United to Lufthansa.......Did you check zee OVENS???

Lufthansa......Dats not funny United.

Thought I was gonna wet myself.

[Joel E Felt]

How many blondes does it take to change a light blub?

None! They'll all sit in the dark and bitch about it!!

[Pelagic]

Only Eleven hours till New Year 2016 here in the Philippines.

All the best to my CF friends near and far for their laughs and even the bad ones:thumbup:

[CHAZ]

Jimmy to Junior:
"Hey Junior do you know what's a penis?"
"No, but I can ask at home and I will know tomorrow."
At home Junior goes to his Dad and asks:" Dad, do you know what's a penis?"
Dad is a bit taken back by the question but answers:"Ah, yes I know. Come with me to the bathroom and I will show you!"
In the bathroom Dad pulls down his trousers and points at his manly hood. "This is a penis and it is a 'perfect penis'."
Junior thanks his Dad and goes to bed a bit smarter.
The next day at school Jimmy asks Junior:" You know now about this penis thing?"
"Yeah," says Junior, "come to the bathroom and I will show you!"
In the bathroom Junior pulls his trousers down and points at his penis and says:"This is a penis, and if it were 2" shorter it would be a perfect one."

[D&D]

The paper today announced the winners of this years Burlington Liars’ Conference: #1 “I grew up in a family with 16 children. I never got to sleep alone until I got married.” #2 “It has been so dry here the river is only running every other day.” #3 “According to research presented at the 2015 World Climate summit, a major climate shift occurred as the result of hot flashes experienced when the Baby Boomers reached menopause.” All winners were from Wisconsin. At least we’re good at something.

Happy New Year to all!!!

[goat]

Originally Posted by D&D

The paper today announced the winners of this years Burlington Liars’ Conference: #1 “I grew up in a family with 16 children. I never got to sleep alone until I got married.” #2 “It has been so dry here the river is only running every other day.” #3 “According to research presented at the 2015 World Climate summit, a major climate shift occurred as the result of hot flashes experienced when the Baby Boomers reached menopause.” All winners were from Wisconsin. At least we’re good at something.

Happy New Year to all!!!

They said they're from Wisconsin.

[svmariane]

So welcome to year 2016 AD. Or 2558 BE over there in Thailand.

For your entertainment, I've linked to

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QyYaPWasos

A bit dated, yes, but still..... And I would have posted it in that "likability" thread but, you know, folk were getting serious over there! Hope you enjoy the (short) vid.

Warning: some strong language, some adult themes, no nudity.

We didn't start the Flame Wars!
Peeps were hatin' on it
Cuz I left my comment.

[Pelagic]

That's funny and well done.....you should post it on the likeability thread

[svmariane]

OMG !!! This is TOO good and true to believe!!! OMG !!

I need some help from all of you CF people - and even all of you lurkers who haven't actually joined CF. Yet. {By the way.... Why DON'T you join???}

Anyway - the point is this... Read, please....

According to Good Morning America, this is NOT A HOAX! Mark Zuckerberg has announced that he is giving away $45 billion of Facebook stock. What you may not have heard is that he plans to give 10 percent of it away to people like YOU and ME! All you have to do is copy and paste this message into a post IMMEDIATELY. At midnight PST, Facebook will search through the day’s posts and award 1,000 people with $4.5 million each as a way of saying thank you for making Facebook such a powerful vehicle for connection.

See the potential???? C'mon, folk! Join Facebook, copy & paste that para. You TOO could be a multi-millionaire!!!!













Disclaimer: I haven't joined Facebook. So If you win, send half of your winnings to me for the helpful hint.









Additional disclaimer:
I'm gearing up for 1st April.
Stay tuned.

[goat]

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by svmariane

OMG !!! This is TOO good and true to believe!!! OMG !!

I need some help from all of you CF people - and even all of you lurkers who haven't actually joined CF. Yet. {By the way.... Why DON'T you join???}

Anyway - the point is this... Read, please....

According to Good Morning America, this is NOT A HOAX! Mark Zuckerberg has announced that he is giving away $45 billion of Facebook stock. What you may not have heard is that he plans to give 10 percent of it away to people like YOU and ME! All you have to do is copy and paste this message into a post IMMEDIATELY. At midnight PST, Facebook will search through the day’s posts and award 1,000 people with $4.5 million each as a way of saying thank you for making Facebook such a powerful vehicle for connection.

See the potential???? C'mon, folk! Join Facebook, copy & paste that para. You TOO could be a multi-millionaire!!!!

Disclaimer: I haven't joined Facebook. So If you win, send half of your winnings to me for the helpful hint.



Additional disclaimer:
I'm gearing up for 1st April.
Stay tuned.

Screw FB. It sounds like just another way to ad to their inventory (for profit). People complain about privacy, yet they spill their guts out to the world through social media. These forums are bad enough.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by goat

Waaiiiit a minute......

You're not THIS goat, are you?????

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Screw FB. It sounds like just another way to ad to their inventory (for profit). People complain about privacy, yet they spill their guts out to the world through social media. These forums are bad enough.

Did you possibly miss this little itty bit of info at the bottom of my post, or possibly not know what it means????

Originally Posted by svmariane

Additional disclaimer:
I'm gearing up for 1st April.
Stay tuned.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Did you possibly miss this little itty bit of info at the bottom of my post, or possibly not know what it means????

No! But my discontent towards social media still stands.