The New Joke Thread

[ben2go]

I became an athletic supporter at my old high school.






Double meaning depending on how your mind is oriented.

[LakeSuperior]

Why did the dyslexic republican politician have to suspend his campaign?

Because he vowed to put an end to texas.

[LakeSuperior]

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an old sailor named Walter Barnes.

"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The old sailor tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,

"I outlived all them ********."

[LakeSuperior]

In 2004 my wife and I decided to stop buying a real Christmas tree every year and buy an artificial one instead. It will be better for the environment, we thought.

And now, after buying and throwing out 15 artificial Christmas trees, I am starting to have second thoughts.

[GordMay]

[LakeSuperior]

Two communists are sitting on a porch in a nudist colony. One says “Have you read Marx?”

The other says “Yes, I think it’s these wicker chairs”.

[LakeSuperior]

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me.

I'm fine - I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

[socaldmax]

"Hol up! Hol up! Lemme get my shirt off!"

https://imgur.com/gallery/PABqkXv

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[Eigenvector]

at least 5 characters

[Discovery 3]

Two blokes walked into a bar,you’d think the second guy would look.

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Hopefully after the first one goes up in flames, the rest of them wise up fast. Whichever kid(s) don't, throw that one in next.

Geeze your harsh, you meant to throw the boxes in the fire.