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Old 04-12-2015, 12:09   #721
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A farmer stopped by his local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware shop and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed shop and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the shop he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 14 gardenia close?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
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Old 04-12-2015, 18:11   #722
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Fantastic News concerning Pensions and Benefits in the UK.





نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيستنقش

ديوار و چشم

خيره
ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نوراگر رفت سايه. ر رفت نور اگررفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار وچشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگرنميدان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفتديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگرنمي دان نور اگر رفت سايهپيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيرهماسايه
ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفتسايهپيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشمخيره ماپيدا

نيست نقش

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.
So of course, being me - I had to run it through Google translate, which identified it as Persian :

"If the light is not shaded by role
Wall-eye
Staring
We do not know the other under the shadow Nvragr. In the light Agrrft not find the shadow of the wall, eyes staring at us as if the shadow of the shadow of light Dgrnmydan. Rftdyvar and eyes staring us in the role of Don Sayhdgrnmy light if the wall of the eye Sayhpydanyst Khyrhmasayh
We do not Sayhdgr the wall and staring eyes light if Rftsayhpydanyst the wall and Chshmkhyrh Mapyda
It is not the role of"
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Old 04-12-2015, 18:48   #723
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
So of course, being me - I had to run it through Google translate, which identified it as Persian :

"If the light is not shaded by role
Wall-eye
Staring
We do not know the other under the shadow Nvragr. In the light Agrrft not find the shadow of the wall, eyes staring at us as if the shadow of the shadow of light Dgrnmydan. Rftdyvar and eyes staring us in the role of Don Sayhdgrnmy light if the wall of the eye Sayhpydanyst Khyrhmasayh
We do not Sayhdgr the wall and staring eyes light if Rftsayhpydanyst the wall and Chshmkhyrh Mapyda
It is not the role of"
Yep.
Makes about as much sense as recreational sailing huh.
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Old 04-12-2015, 18:49   #724
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
So of course, being me - I had to run it through Google translate, which identified it as Persian :

"If the light is not shaded by role
Wall-eye
Staring
We do not know the other under the shadow Nvragr. In the light Agrrft not find the shadow of the wall, eyes staring at us as if the shadow of the shadow of light Dgrnmydan. Rftdyvar and eyes staring us in the role of Don Sayhdgrnmy light if the wall of the eye Sayhpydanyst Khyrhmasayh
We do not Sayhdgr the wall and staring eyes light if Rftsayhpydanyst the wall and Chshmkhyrh Mapyda
It is not the role of"

Sounds about right. Makes as much sense as most gov't proclamations.
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Old 04-12-2015, 21:54   #725
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time.

At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be

$25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."
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Old 04-12-2015, 23:46   #726
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Click image for larger version

Name:	<a title=Men and Women.jpg Views: 304 Size: 32.4 KB ID: 114342" style="margin: 2px" />

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Old 05-12-2015, 04:03   #727
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Fantastic News concerning Pensions and Benefits in the UK.





نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيستنقش

ديوار و چشم

خيره
ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نوراگر رفت سايه. ر رفت نور اگررفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار وچشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگرنميدان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفتديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگرنمي دان نور اگر رفت سايهپيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيرهماسايه
ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفتسايهپيدانيست نقش ديوار و چشمخيره ماپيدا

نيست نقش

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.
Was that on White House letterhead?
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:29   #728
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Canibul View Post
Was that on White House letterhead?
No, our White House proclamations are in Kenyan, not Persian.
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Old 05-12-2015, 18:03   #729
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I liked this
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Old 06-12-2015, 13:17   #730
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
No, our White House proclamations are in Kenyan, not Persian.
Tsk Tsk Tsk...... Kenyan?

In Kenya, "...(t)he Bantu Swahili language and English, the latter of which was inherited from colonial rule (see British Kenya), are widely spoken as lingua franca. They serve as the two official working languages."


My Politically Incorrect post for today
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Old 06-12-2015, 13:52   #731
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Re: The New Joke Thread

J'ambo, B'wana. Habari za m'chana? Unauaa kiSwahili?
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Old 06-12-2015, 14:06   #732
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Re: The New Joke Thread

J'ambo. Mimi ni kutoka Austria.
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Old 06-12-2015, 14:15   #733
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
No, our White House proclamations are in Kenyan, not Persian.

I'm sorry. Can you repeat that in English, I don't speak Klan.


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Old 06-12-2015, 14:43   #734
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
I'm sorry. Can you repeat that in English, I don't speak Klan.


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Maybe I'm a little slow but can you explain what made you think that post was racist?


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Old 06-12-2015, 14:55   #735
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Re: The New Joke Thread

It was the original post implying messages in "Kenyan" (the Arabic or Persian script) might have emanated from the White House, being a direct slur against the nationality - and colour - of the current POTUS.

Who was born in Hawai'i, according to his birth certificate and the official records.
And last time I looked, Hawai'i was part of the USA.

Continuing the conversation implicitly supports the former racist remark.

Anything that highlights a person's racial differences in anything but a positive light is 'racist'.

Even when it's meant to be funny....

And that final comment of mine could even be considered racist.

But only by those who have PC for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
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