Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rating: Thread Rating: 4 votes, 4.50 average. Display Modes
Old 09-07-2019, 15:30   #5791
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4,074
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2019, 21:22   #5792
Moderator
 
Jim Cate's Avatar

Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 14,670
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Yeah, but if they are silly enough to argue politics they are likely lost too.

Jim
__________________

__________________
Jim and Ann s/v Insatiable II now northbound, lying outside Cape Hawke harbour for the night.
Jim Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2019, 21:28   #5793
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4,074
Re: The New Joke Thread

I'm not sure which is sillier. Arguing about politics, or arguing with a joke.
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2019, 06:41   #5794
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,913
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

I’ve recently been told that I should live every moment as if it was my last.

My neighbors are starting to get annoyed with the constant screaming and crying.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2019, 06:41   #5795
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,913
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2019, 06:42   #5796
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,913
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Me: No.

Judge: (covers mic) What do I do?
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2019, 16:54   #5797
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines until May
Boat: Boatless Now
Posts: 10,954
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"
Shocking isn't it!
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2019, 17:02   #5798
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Philippines until May
Boat: Boatless Now
Posts: 10,954
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh

He inquired, --- "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,---- "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, ---- "What is it?"

"It's a planet," --- replied God, --- and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" --- inquired Michael, ---- "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things..."

God continued pointing to different countries. --- "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, --- "What's that one?"

"That's Arizona , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Arizona are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.

They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, --- "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled, --- "I will create California…Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there.".
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
The measure of a man is how he navigates to a proper shore in the mist of a storm!
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2019, 12:25   #5799
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4,074
Re: The New Joke Thread

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2019, 12:26   #5800
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4,074
Re: The New Joke Thread

Speaking of Arizona...

socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2019, 17:39   #5801
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,913
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure.

So I told him if he didn’t stop bleeding right away, he’d die.
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2019, 17:40   #5802
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,913
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Don't stop working till your bank account looks like a phone number.

Me: Hello, operator?
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2019, 21:14   #5803
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4,074
Re: The New Joke Thread

When HIV first became a thing, San Francisco found it necessary to modify their CPR procedures for first responders.

The new procedure was changed from administering mouth to mouth resuscitation to standing over the victim and yelling, "If you don't breathe, you're going to die!!"
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2019, 05:14   #5804
Senior Cruiser
 
GordMay's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
Boat: (Cruiser Living On Dirt)
Posts: 35,345
Images: 241
Re: The New Joke Thread

__________________
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"



GordMay is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2019, 11:47   #5805
Registered User
 
Eigenvector's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Mostly Texas
Boat: Lagoon 37 TPI
Posts: 242
Re: The New Joke Thread

A few good ones.........
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	1.png
Views:	169
Size:	358.9 KB
ID:	195827   Click image for larger version

Name:	2.png
Views:	161
Size:	329.8 KB
ID:	195828  

Click image for larger version

Name:	3.jpg
Views:	154
Size:	130.9 KB
ID:	195829   Click image for larger version

Name:	4.png
Views:	152
Size:	254.5 KB
ID:	195830  

Click image for larger version

Name:	5.png
Views:	158
Size:	388.3 KB
ID:	195831   Click image for larger version

Name:	6.png
Views:	161
Size:	255.9 KB
ID:	195832  

Click image for larger version

Name:	7.png
Views:	153
Size:	294.0 KB
ID:	195833   Click image for larger version

Name:	9.png
Views:	148
Size:	382.5 KB
ID:	195834  

__________________

__________________
======================
Don't Tell My Mom I Work In the Oilfield,
She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse.
Eigenvector is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:43.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.