Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 08-10-2015, 08:38   #496
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 4,636
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a gin and tonic?"

The bartender smiles and replies, "For you, no charge."
Good job it wasn't an electron or the bartender would have had to pay him - electrons are negatively charged.
__________________

__________________
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 08:43   #497
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 4,636
Re: The New Joke Thread

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
--------------------
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
--------------------
__________________

__________________
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 09:01   #498
Registered User
 
Adelie's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: El Ciudad del Mission San Diego de Alcalá en Alta California, Virreinato de Nueva España
Boat: Cal 20
Posts: 2,475
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by carstenb View Post
HI Stu



Care to explain? ONce the car achieves the speed of light (the fastest speed possible in the known universe) turning on the headlights will have no effect since light cannot travel faster than light (And it doesn't matter that the platform from which the light is trying to emit is already going that speed, as noted with the air inside the car and sound).



Light can't "jumpstart" by being in a vehicle that is already going at lightspeed and therefore when the headlights are turned on the light will be going at twice the speed of light.



I readily admit to not being a physicist - but I'm generally not completely lost behind the wagon, so I'd really like to know

Because the rate at which time advances changes for people or objects in an accelerated frame of reference. However fast you are going if you measure the speed of light in a vacuum it will be the same whether you measure it in the direction you are traveling, opposite that direction or cross-wise.


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
A house is but a boat so poorly built and so firmly run aground no one would think to try and refloat it.
SailboatData
Adelie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 09:39   #499
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,488
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

How does experimentalist physicist tell if a lady is ticklish?

He gives her a test tickle.
__________________
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 11:30   #500
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 5,530
Re: The New Joke Thread

Shall we rename this

...'The Nerds Joke Thread'.....:

Cant wait until we get into the big bang theory.......
__________________
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 12:18   #501
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,488
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

An old favorite and classic appropriate for this point in the time-space continuum.

Relativity.

There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
__________________
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 13:48   #502
Moderator
 
Seaworthy Lass's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2008
Boat: Aluminium cutter rigged sloop
Posts: 11,770
Re: The New Joke Thread

In case any chemists are feeling left out:

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under sustained attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ. "NaCl over NaOH!" he transmits.

"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" came the reply.
__________________
Our custom built cutter rigged sloop is for sale:
48' Aluminium Bluewater Cruiser For Sale
PRICE SLASHED


"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." Isak Dinesen
Seaworthy Lass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 14:00   #503
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,488
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
In case any chemists are feeling left out:

A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under sustained attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ. "NaCl over NaOH!" he transmits.

"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" came the reply.
You're killing me!!!!! Nice.
__________________
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 15:07   #504
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: So Cal
Boat: Catalina 30
Posts: 804
Re: The New Joke Thread

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
__________________
jeepbluetj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 16:39   #505
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 4,636
Re: The New Joke Thread

To get off the technical jokes for a while:

There are three kinds of people in the world:

1. Those who tell you everything they know
__________________
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 17:16   #506
Bailing as fast as I can.
 
GILow's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Boat: Swanson 42
Posts: 2,851
Re: The New Joke Thread

From Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker series:

I teleported home one night with Ron and Sid and Meg

Ron stole Meggie's heart away and I got Sidney's leg




Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
http://www.swansonsailor.id.au
GILow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 18:05   #507
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,762
Re: The New Joke Thread

Two gerbils we're standing outside of a gay bar, under both looked at the other and ask do you want to go in and get s*** faced
__________________
motion30 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 18:08   #508
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 5,530
Re: The New Joke Thread

LOL :thumbup:
__________________
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 18:17   #509
Registered User
 
LakeSuperior's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2008
Boat: Teak Yawl, 37'
Posts: 1,488
Images: 7
Re: The New Joke Thread

Bear with me on this one!

A scientist interested in all things avian became obsessed with the ways in which seagull biology interacted with that of other mammalian physiology.

This rather strange-minded individual found that by feeding live seagulls to porpoises he could make the fishlike mammals live forever.

As it were, when he was out collecting more seagulls for his non-environmentally sound experiments, a lion escaped from the local zoo and took up residence in his driveway. Upon returning and finding the lion rather docile, the scientist jumped over the lion (bearing his cage of soon-to-be-porpoise-food) with the intent of proceeding to his laboratory.

A police officer happening by witnessed this and immediately arrested the scientist.

The charge: Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises
__________________
LakeSuperior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-10-2015, 00:57   #510
Moderator
 
carstenb's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Copenhagen
Boat: Jeanneau Sun Fast 40.3
Posts: 4,579
Images: 1
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Bear with me on this one!

A scientist interested in all things avian became obsessed with the ways in which seagull biology interacted with that of other mammalian physiology.

This rather strange-minded individual found that by feeding live seagulls to porpoises he could make the fishlike mammals live forever.

As it were, when he was out collecting more seagulls for his non-environmentally sound experiments, a lion escaped from the local zoo and took up residence in his driveway. Upon returning and finding the lion rather docile, the scientist jumped over the lion (bearing his cage of soon-to-be-porpoise-food) with the intent of proceeding to his laboratory.

A police officer happening by witnessed this and immediately arrested the scientist.

The charge: Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises
__________________

__________________
I spent most of my money on Booze, Broads and Boats. The rest I wasted - Elmore Leonard
carstenb is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:50.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.