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Old 02-10-2015, 17:12   #466
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
No, sorry, it's just me.

I found a new source of jokes, but these are the cleanest 10% of them. The other 90% are funnier (IMHO) but not nearly family friendly enough for CF. Some of these I cleaned up the language a little bit.
So it's "just me", huh?
"Just me" posting as "socaldmax".
Right.
Dagnabbit....
KNEW it was an alias!





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Old 02-10-2015, 22:44   #467
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, "What's going on?"

My wife said, "Erm... We've been playing on the Wii Fit." She winked at my mate and said, "Dave did VERY well."

As I walked out of the room, I heard them giggling and calling me stupid, but I had the last laugh. I checked the next day, and none of his scores had even registered!
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Old 03-10-2015, 00:13   #468
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two blondes are in a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the
water. A game warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and
says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first woman.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the game
warden.

"But officer," replied the second girl, "we aren't fishing. All we have
are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the
bottom of the river."

The game warden lifted up the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe
magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it,"
shrugged the game warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that,
the game warden left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the women started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb Fish Cop! Doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this
river?!"
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Old 03-10-2015, 14:36   #469
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
25. Should be 8 nickels = 2 paradigms


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I learn something every day.

Many times it is what I thought I knew the day before and that is just how stupid I really am.
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Old 06-10-2015, 18:00   #470
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Re: The New Joke Thread

snarl.....
.
.
.
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Old 06-10-2015, 19:08   #471
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A 78 yr old woman, when asked if she objected to her older husband chasing young girls replied:
"I've got a dog that chases cars. But he doesn't have a driver's license, so what's he gonna do with them if he catches them?"
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Old 06-10-2015, 21:32   #472
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Re: The New Joke Thread

George and Frank and finished a round of golf, showered and were getting dressed when George noticed Frank tugging a tiny pink thong up his thighs.

"Jesus Frank - when did you start wearing those?" George asked.


"Right after my wife found them under the seat of the car" Frank replied
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Old 07-10-2015, 07:26   #473
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
They would. And if you measured the speed of the light coming out of it would be, well lightspeed...
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Old 07-10-2015, 07:49   #474
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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They would. And if you measured the speed of the light coming out of it would be, well lightspeed...
And a different color...
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Old 07-10-2015, 07:58   #475
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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And a different color...
Not to you. But to an outside observer, yes.
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Old 07-10-2015, 09:04   #476
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Actually, if you are going at the speed of light, you'll be goig at the same speed as the light being emitted from your headlights, which means it won't be emitted.

So - your headlights will not work. Although if you have a car that goes at he speed of light - having headlights is probably the least of your problems
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Old 07-10-2015, 10:46   #477
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by carstenb View Post
Actually, if you are going at the speed of light, you'll be goig at the same speed as the light being emitted from your headlights, which means it won't be emitted.



So - your headlights will not work. Although if you have a car that goes at he speed of light - having headlights is probably the least of your problems

Yes, speed of light is a constant, and is un-achievable anyway


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Old 07-10-2015, 11:21   #478
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by carstenb View Post
Actually, if you are going at the speed of light, you'll be goig at the same speed as the light being emitted from your headlights, which means it won't be emitted.

So - your headlights will not work. Although if you have a car that goes at he speed of light - having headlights is probably the least of your problems
You didn't get Einstein's memo on relativity. It was some stuff on mankind's great achievement.
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Old 07-10-2015, 12:23   #479
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Re: The New Joke Thread

If you were driving a car at the speed of sound would the horn work? Would only people in the back seat be able to hear the radio?
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Old 07-10-2015, 12:32   #480
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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If you were driving a car at the speed of sound would the horn work? Would only people in the back seat be able to hear the radio?
Speed of sound is not a constant
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