The New Joke Thread

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Therapy

Feeling small today.

Go the other way and you can feel real big:

The Scale of the Universe 2

[senormechanico]

Stu,

That was fantastic !
Thanks

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by senormechanico

Stu,

That was fantastic !
Thanks

Ditto

[Sailor g]

Originally Posted by Therapy

Ditto

Ditto your ditto! Love the pics!

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by StuM

Go the other way and you can feel real big:

The Scale of the Universe 2

Okay - that was neat.

BUT..........

Notice how they excluded chocolate cake?
My theory stands......

[socaldmax]

I clicked through all of the planets and didn't see Rosie O'Donnell. Did she get downgraded?

[sparrowhawk1]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I clicked through all of the planets and didn't see Rosie O'Donnell. Did she get downgraded?

She's behind Uranus

[Therapy]

Engineers' Conversion Table



1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahertz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 1000 mockingbirds =1 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

[StuM]

> 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

That's only in "Short Soup". For "Long Soup" you need 2240 lbs

[sammyy]

Originally Posted by D&D

Paddy's wife gave birth to triplets.

"How on earth did that happen?" Paddy said.

His wife replied..."Remember that night I was very dry and we had no Vasoline so we used 3-in1 oil?"

"Bejaysus..." said Paddy "I'm feckin glad we didn't use WD40!!"

Brilliant.....had me crying with laughter

[jongleur]

16. 1000 mockingbirds =1 kilomockingbirds

Maybe: 2000 mockingbirds =2 kilomockingbirds

Just a suggestion.

Otherwise, great list.

[Cormorant]

Somehow the recent request for family-friendly humor reminded me of the classic non-family-friendly joke. . . . But I will not tell it or link to it here. If you haven't seen Penn and Teller's documentary "The Aristocrats," you can find it on YouTube. A lot of famous comedians give commentary on -- and tell -- the joke.

[Therapy]

[Therapy]

[Therapy]

Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed.