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Old 11-01-2019, 04:58   #4171
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Re: The New Joke Thread

OK, time for a little test.


Q: “What do you call a sail with only two corners?”
A: I haven’t got a clew!

Q: If a boat could fly where would it go?
A: an airport

Q: How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

Q: Why is sailing like sex?
A: When it's good, it's really, really good. And when it's bad.....it's still pretty good.

Q: What do you call a competitive sailor who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What do you call a paddle sale at Cabela's.
A: Quite an oar deal.

Q: Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat?
A: He was afraid of cap sizing.

Q: Why did the sailor keep his money on an elevated sea floor?
A: It was a bank.
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Old 11-01-2019, 05:08   #4172
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Out of 4000 jokes, the Chuck Norris ones are still the best. He da man
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Old 11-01-2019, 06:08   #4173
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pirate Re: The New Joke Thread

Who's Chuck Norris.???
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Old 11-01-2019, 06:20   #4174
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by boatman61 View Post
Who's Chuck Norris.???
A fairly old American TV/movie star. He usually payed the part of a patriotic "tough guy" martial artist. He has a decent sense of humor about the absurdness of some characters he played.

I once anchored in a cove where he had a mansion set back about 200 yards from shore. Apparently we weren't supposed to anchor there because he came out to the yard and hit several golf balls that were obviously destined for our boat. None reached us and eventually he went back inside.
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Old 11-01-2019, 06:46   #4175
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Re: The New Joke Thread

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Old 11-01-2019, 06:54   #4176
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Many years ago we hade a fishing boat near Dallas. We were out fishing and a helicopter pops up over the lake chasing a cigarette boat doing about 50 knots. A guy swings out of the open helicopter door and opens up on the speeding boat with a fully automatic AR. We heard on the news that night 911 got about 20 calls from concerned citizens but they were just filming an episode of Walker Texas Ranger.
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Old 11-01-2019, 07:24   #4177
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:58   #4178
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by ontherocks83 View Post
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Legend has it that when little Carlos* was born, the only one that cried was the doctor. You just don’t slap Chuck Norris and get away with it.


* His name is actually Carlos Ray Norris. In fact, it wasn’t until he joined the Air Force that Carlos became “Chuck” Norris.
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Old 11-01-2019, 11:30   #4179
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Re: The New Joke Thread

My apologies.

SNL's Weekend Update: Michael Che on Bidets

https://youtu.be/tyKgETz_n8I
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Old 11-01-2019, 12:26   #4180
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 11-01-2019, 15:44   #4181
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 11-01-2019, 15:53   #4182
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What did the commune use after dark for light before the invention of the candle?





Light bulbs.
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Old 11-01-2019, 15:54   #4183
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Old 12-01-2019, 04:37   #4184
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Re: The New Joke Thread

If I ever go missing, do not put my picture on milk cartons.
Put it on Captain Morgan bottles.
That way my friends can find me!
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Old 12-01-2019, 05:49   #4185
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Red sky at night - sailor’s delight.
Blue sky at night - day.

Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?
A: Snowbows.

Q: What's the difference between a polar bear and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a polar bear ...
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