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Old 07-11-2018, 15:42   #3721
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Re: The New Joke Thread

@D&D,

Dark humour there.

Or, the link didn't work.
Ann
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Old 07-11-2018, 15:46   #3722
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Yep doesn't work here, tried three platforms. Also looks too small, maybe got truncated
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Old 07-11-2018, 16:31   #3723
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Re: The New Joke Thread

No glass or pedestrians were harmed in the making of this video:

https://twitter.com/tyrantasorus/sta...23980715233280

After viewing, scroll down for two different ones....
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Old 07-11-2018, 16:50   #3724
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
As a kid I worked in the oil patch as a contract welder.
Our motto was measure it with a mic, mark it with chalk, beat to fit.
Ha! Nice!!
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Old 08-11-2018, 08:22   #3725
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Some type of crazy contest


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Old 08-11-2018, 09:33   #3726
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Never thought of it that way
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Old 08-11-2018, 09:52   #3727
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pirate Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eigenvector View Post
Never thought of it that way
Ahahahaaa.. With me it'll be 'All my friends in Hell..'
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:34   #3728
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Re: #^_(

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YEP. Hilarious. NOT!
This could be almost as offending to any one that had any child born with a defect of any sort.
Some (or even one) could consider this horrid.

Just close this thread then HUH! _%^&_@)&%*&$)_(^*

Do what I do. Laugh at the ones you find funny, ignore the ones that offend you.. Same way I pick my friends...As far as closing this thread, maybe you should just stop reading it??I personally look forward to it every morning. Just because you find it offensive, doesn't mean others do. Kinda like changing the channel...
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:35   #3729
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Ahahahaaa.. With me it'll be 'All my friends in Hell..'


You know, if only the super do gooders make it to heaven, that could be hell?
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Old 08-11-2018, 12:22   #3730
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by OldManMirage View Post
Mom and dad are having their first baby. Delivery goes fine, but the Doctor quickly notices a problem. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son has no eyelids."





Mom and dad are aghast. "Doctor, what can you do ?"





Doc says, "Its ok, we do have a procedure. When we circumcise him, we simply take the forskin and use it to create eyelids. He'll be fine, its just he will be a little cockeyed."


Yes but think of the foresight he’ll have!
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Old 08-11-2018, 13:20   #3731
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This happened in a time long ago in a country far away. But as I speak the language spoken there, I can vouch for the veracity of it.

A lady, a keen breeder of doggies, is having a difficult time with one of her little breeding bitches whose ears keep bunging up with the doggy's luxuriant growth of fur. The lady visits the local apothecary and asks: “Can you recommend a good depillary?”

The apothecary reaches to a shelf behind him, brings down a bottle of something and sez: ”This one is quite wonderful! Absolutely capital! You can use it full strength under your arms, and you can use it on your face if you dilute it five to one with ordinary water”

“Well”, sez our lady, “it's actually for my snautzer”

“Oh”, in that case”, sez the apothecary, “dilute it twenty to one and don't ride a bicycle for three days!”

TP
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Old 08-11-2018, 15:40   #3732
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Okay... Could NOT resist "stealing" this one:

Ever wonder how old or how long a joke has been around?

Two couples were playing cards when Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

When Dave arrived home he asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Then Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?"

Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."




This is from Gulfardo and Guasparruolo; The Lover's Gift Regained written in about 1350 and updated for modern times.
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Old 08-11-2018, 16:41   #3733
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Re: The New Joke Thread

How do your circumcise a whale...???
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You need four skin divers....
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Old 08-11-2018, 17:51   #3734
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Would 4 mohels work?
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Old 08-11-2018, 18:20   #3735
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Q. What is the difference between a hoover and a harley?


A. Location of the dirtbag.
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