Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 06-07-2015, 20:18   #316
Senior Cruiser
 
senormechanico's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Aug 2003
Boat: Dragonfly 1000 trimaran
Posts: 5,210
Re: The New Joke Thread

Deja vu, or reposting old joke thread..?
__________________

__________________
"I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you have earned,
but not greed to want to take somebody else's money"

-Thomas Sowell
senormechanico is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2015, 22:01   #317
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by senormechanico View Post
Deja vu, or reposting old joke thread..?
For those who might be new on CF or never before caught the links........

Two older threads:

The Joke Thread


Jokes


__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2015, 16:31   #318
D&D
Registered User
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Yamba, Australia
Boat: Lagoon 440, #406
Posts: 1,393
Re: The New Joke Thread

This 'theme' was inevitable. Greek ATM's...

Click image for larger version

Name:	Greek ATM's.jpg
Views:	271
Size:	16.8 KB
ID:	104861

...and there'll probably be plenty more to follow...
__________________
...throw off the bowlines...sail away from safe harbor...catch the winds in your sails...EXPLORE...DREAM...DISCOVER...

www.floatingimpressions.com.au
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2015, 21:03   #319
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

We have a handful of old Greek Drachmas from our pre-Euro travel days.
Mostly 500 & 100 denominations.
Now accepting bids at:

youmustbekidding.edu



__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2015, 13:24   #320
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

Subway has severed ties with Jared and has now employed a new spokesperson.

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2015, 14:07   #321
Registered User
 
ontherocks83's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Boat: Checkmate Strobe 201
Posts: 1,533
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Subway has severed ties with Jared and has now employed a new spokesperson.

picture didn' post
__________________
-Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum
-Molon Labe
ontherocks83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2015, 15:53   #322
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

Here it is.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	5 dollar fooltlongs.jpg
Views:	240
Size:	71.3 KB
ID:	105107  
__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-07-2015, 16:50   #323
D&D
Registered User
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Yamba, Australia
Boat: Lagoon 440, #406
Posts: 1,393
Re: The New Joke Thread

The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the "Style Invitational."
The requirements last week were to use the two words " Lewinsky" (the Intern) and "Kaczynski" (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.
Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or x-outs!

Third place :
There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place :
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky .

And the winning entry :
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown!
__________________
...throw off the bowlines...sail away from safe harbor...catch the winds in your sails...EXPLORE...DREAM...DISCOVER...

www.floatingimpressions.com.au
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14-07-2015, 22:20   #324
CF Adviser
 
Pelagic's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Boat: Van Helleman Schooner 65ft StarGazer
Posts: 5,515
Re: The New Joke Thread

DONATING BLOOD IN SCOTLAND
A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior
to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the
need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so,
the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type.
The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his
blood, a new BMW, five carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more
of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a
box of Black Magic chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture
as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again,
that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money... but you only gave
me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma
veins".
__________________
Pelagic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-07-2015, 16:08   #325
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

So i was at a movie yesterday and this guy's phone behind me rang. I told him "shhhhh!" then the guy behind me told me "you shhhh!".

His phone rang again and i told him to "shhhhhhhhh!" once again he said "YOU SHHHHH!".

His phone rang once again and i told him "SHHHHHHH!" and he told me "SHUT UP!"

I got up and almost punched him, but i saw my WWJD (what would Jesus do) braclet............





so i lit him on fire and sent him to hell.
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-07-2015, 18:02   #326
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

Need to use a link vs copy/paste due to some copyright legal stuff.... Sorry about that.


What We've Learned About Pluto
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-07-2015, 05:01   #327
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

Pulling into the crowded parking lot at the shopping center I rolled down the car windows to make sure my puppy had fresh air. She was stretched full out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? "Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young lady, gave
me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"




Youngsters today......
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-07-2015, 05:11   #328
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

So with the dog safe in the car my wife and I went inside to buy something for our daughter-in-law at an exclusive lingerie shop. Inside, I was feeling very out of place when a beautiful clerk asked if she could help. In a cocky manner, I asked, “Where are all the men’s clothes?” In a demure voice the clerk replied, “All of these clothes are for men, sir.”




Youngsters today.....
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2015, 17:20   #329
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed"

At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."
__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19-07-2015, 17:23   #330
Registered User
 
svmariane's Avatar

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Currently in South Pacific. Home Port: Vienna, Austria
Boat: Celestial, Stay'sl-Rigged Sloop, 48 ft
Posts: 1,061
Re: The New Joke Thread

An oldie - First heard (by me) back in the early 70ies

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
__________________

__________________
"Being offended is not the same thing as being right." Dave Barry
svmariane is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 18:57.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.