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Old 06-08-2018, 15:33   #3166
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Re: The New Joke Thread

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers.
Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are “small amounts” of horse meat in their burgers.
Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK
Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet
____________________________________________
“I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse..... I guess Tesco just listened!

Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?

Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle

Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!

Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night ...I still have a bit between my teeth.

A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.

Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn

I just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... “AND THEY'RE OFF!"

Tesco now forced to deny the presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

Said to the missus, “These Tesco burgers give me the trots...

"To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian".....

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?" Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"

I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit...Talk about flogging a dead horse.

Last night the wife made meatloaf, so I had dinner with two nags.

Since they’re selling the meat wrapped in plastic, is that technically a “Trojan Horse?”

Instead of choosing “rare, medium or well done, it’s now Win, Place or Show”

At first, I thought, “Oh great, I’ve been saddled with another email to forward, but something spurred me on.”

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Old 06-08-2018, 17:31   #3167
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Re: The New Joke Thread

NFOMCL

That is GOLD.

Feeling a little horse now, from laughing so much....
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Old 07-08-2018, 15:56   #3168
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers. (etc..)
Okay. That's a fantastic addition to the thread! You win!
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Old 07-08-2018, 18:17   #3169
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by svmariane View Post
Okay. That's a fantastic addition to the thread! You win!
Well, I had no idea that had happened so it made the stories relevant.
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Old 08-08-2018, 05:32   #3170
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Nothing wrong with eating horse meat, no idea why people should get fussed about it.
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Old 08-08-2018, 05:43   #3171
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by john61ct View Post
Nothing wrong with eating horse meat, no idea why people should get fussed about it.
In the immediate instance they are fussed because an expectation was broken, they expected to be paying for and eating beef/cow and instead the got cow mixed with horse.

More generally some folks have more sentimental attachments to horses that make eating them unappealing, like eating dog or cat.
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Old 08-08-2018, 07:04   #3172
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Re: The New Joke Thread

IN THE CONFESSIONAL

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
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Old 08-08-2018, 16:58   #3173
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud
pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunk
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the
morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s pouring
rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t
you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys
helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of
yourself!

“God loves drunk people too you know.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out
into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still
there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.
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Old 08-08-2018, 19:05   #3174
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Important plackard for the cockpit Click image for larger version

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Old 08-08-2018, 20:54   #3175
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Reference the occasional outbreak in this thread concerning sexist jokes, I thought that - even though we all have busy lives and important things to do - we might take a moment (or eight minutes) to imagine ourselves in another place, with another attitude, and another perspective. So I give you the "Drum Battle of the Sexes" and let the chips fall where they may. The punchline? You figure out the winner.


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Old 08-08-2018, 21:41   #3176
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Re: The New Joke Thread

You need not be a Classical Music buff for this to put a smile on your face!
{Red Nose Day events....}
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Old 10-08-2018, 02:21   #3177
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 10-08-2018, 08:15   #3178
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Re: The New Joke Thread

And Down On The Farm.......
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Old 10-08-2018, 08:43   #3179
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Maybe he was a movie producer!

#metoo!
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Old 10-08-2018, 17:54   #3180
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
Maybe he was a movie producer!

#metoo!


#memoo
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