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Old 07-02-2018, 13:20   #2791
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Wow guys do we really want to ruin the joke thread with a healthcare debate?
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Old 07-02-2018, 13:30   #2792
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.

"What's this?" asked the skipper, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"

"No," explained his crew, "It's just a little wave."
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Old 07-02-2018, 13:37   #2793
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Why do divers always roll backwards into the water?
Otherwise they would fall into the boat.

Why is it always "women and children first"?
The sharks won't be hungry anymore.

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Old 08-02-2018, 19:19   #2794
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Re: The New Joke Thread

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact.

“Nancy, Nancy?”
"Is that you, Ray?”

“Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

“That's wonderful! What's it like?”

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.



















Then I have lunch (you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course.




















Then it's more sex until late at night.. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”

"Oh, Ray! Are you in Heaven?"

“No, I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."
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Old 08-02-2018, 19:57   #2795
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Re: The New Joke Thread

As someone once said, "There is no such thing as an old joke, just old listeners."
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Old 10-02-2018, 15:07   #2796
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 11-02-2018, 08:51   #2797
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Apologies in advance...



What do you call an Avogadro's number of buttocks?

Molasses.
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Old 11-02-2018, 09:15   #2798
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pirate Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by goat View Post
Not really, they call it football, but their feet rarely touch the ball.
Ahh.. Okay.!!! a bit like 'Freedom' then..
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Old 11-02-2018, 12:21   #2799
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Apologies in advance...



What do you call an Avogadro's number of buttocks?

Molasses.
An ass has two buttocks, left and right. So an Avogadro's number of buttocks would equal one-half molasses. What the other half is, I do not know.
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Old 11-02-2018, 18:59   #2800
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Re: The New Joke Thread

All I can promise you is that Avogadros are not constant!

I'm missing so many of my molar units I'm having trouble chewing these days!
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Old 11-02-2018, 19:16   #2801
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Keeping with the current theme:



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Old 11-02-2018, 19:47   #2802
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Reminds me of the old hippie at the Woodford Folk Festival a cuppla years back, handing out home-made 'cigarettes'.

There was a queue of people lined up to receive his 'blessing', all apparently to no avail, as his comment to each was:

"Here, take a number"
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Old 11-02-2018, 21:07   #2803
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Ahh.. Okay.!!! a bit like 'Freedom' then..
Right! Can't have freedom unless encircled by walls.
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Old 12-02-2018, 03:13   #2804
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by LakeSuperior View Post
Apologies in advance...



What do you call an Avogadro's number of buttocks?

Molasses.
Ok..I admit it... I had to look it up!
So what do yo call a number of Avogadro's eating beans around a campfire?
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Old 12-02-2018, 09:06   #2805
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Ok..I admit it... I had to look it up!
So what do yo call a number of Avogadro's eating beans around a campfire?
Mole Vaquero's ?

I went to the Bible (Blazing Saddles) but you sir have me stumped.

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