Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 27-06-2015, 05:34   #196
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 549
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
The following is a true story, but it still cracks me up over 20 yrs later...
We could hear the howls of laughter coming up from Control, 20 ft below us, everyone was cheering!
Piss-poor leadership. Small man influencing smaller men in a negative way. Inexcusable. If he worked for me and I knew of this, I would have fired him.
__________________

__________________
fryewe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 08:24   #197
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by fryewe View Post
Piss-poor leadership. Small man influencing smaller men in a negative way. Inexcusable. If he worked for me and I knew of this, I would have fired him.
On any submarine, you either learn to work well with others, or you become the butt of every joke. The Nav. never learned to work well with others. I was being polite when I said he was not well liked.




You know, I was really expecting to see a lawyer post up how he wasn't amused by all of the lawyer jokes, seriously. But this?? Really? THIS is what you have to complain about?

What ever happened to: "If you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself."?

Either chuckle or move along.


Now for another joke.

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.
__________________

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 12:08   #198
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 549
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
On any submarine...

You don't know what happens "on any submarine." You know what happened on the one(s) you served on. On any well-led, successful submarine (or other Navy ship), every man is supported in his difficult duties by the leadership. On a well led ship, if the knuckle-dragging A-gangers want to hassle a shipmate, and the NAVETs or Sonarmen want to whine up each other's skirts, they damn well know to do it in a manner that doesn't diminish the cohesiveness of the ship.
Quote:
...he was not well liked.

Being "well liked" is what you try to achieve in middle school. It's not a criterion for success in life or your profession.
Quote:
You know, I was really expecting to see a lawyer post up how he wasn't amused by all of the lawyer jokes, seriously. But this?? Really? THIS is what you have to complain about?

What ever happened to: "If you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself."?
I didn't complain. Just made a statement of fact. And your "nothing nice" hypocrisy is unsurprising. Your actions on the bridge of USTAFISH and your re-telling of the story were really nice things to say about the Nav, huh?[/QUOTE]

Quote:
Either chuckle or move along. Neither your actions at the time nor the re-telling of your anecdote are amusing, so no chuckle is warranted. Perhaps a roll of the eyes.

The circumstances of your anecdote are more to be ashamed of than to be told on a public forum for "amusement." That you feel no shame is telling.
__________________
fryewe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 13:03   #199
Registered User
 
jeanathon's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: WNC mountains U.S.
Boat: 1968 Hinterhoel Redwing
Posts: 498
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by fryewe View Post
I didn't complain. Just made a statement of fact. And your "nothing nice" hypocrisy is unsurprising. Your actions on the bridge of USTAFISH and your re-telling of the story were really nice things to say about the Nav, huh?
[/QUOTE]


Is this a reunion of old shipmates? Fry do you have a mustache?
Carry on.
__________________
Let's ban together to ban sillycone....
jeanathon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 13:06   #200
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 549
Re: The New Joke Thread


Is this a reunion of old shipmates? Fry do you have a mustache?
Carry on.[/QUOTE]

I do like to wear khaki and have a couple of large steel ball bearings in my pocket on most days...
__________________
fryewe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 15:25   #201
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by fryewe View Post
I didn't complain. Just made a statement of fact. And your "nothing nice" hypocrisy is unsurprising. Your actions on the bridge of USTAFISH and your re-telling of the story were really nice things to say about the Nav, huh?
[/QUOTE]


I see you're still not working well with others. That is a problem.

Your personal problem.

__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 15:39   #202
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,845
Re: The New Joke Thread

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't mess with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking!"








My apologies in advance to all of the following classes of people who may feel that they may have been insulted by the preceding joke:

Chicken farmers, children of chicken farmers, Vietnam veterans, Vietnamese people, beer drinkers, machine gun mfrs, machete mfrs, anyone shot by a machine gun, anyone maimed by a machete and anyone who may have been deeply offended by the violent depiction of conflict in this fictional story told as a joke or who feels that the pilot of the aircraft was perhaps lacking in skill.

My goal was not to offend, but apparently these things happen, somehow.
__________________
socaldmax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 16:28   #203
One of Those
 
Canibul's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Turks and Caicos Islands
Boat: Catalac 12M
Posts: 3,209
Re: The New Joke Thread

I see you're still not working well with others. That is a problem.

Your personal problem.

[/QUOTE]

You must have fired him in a previous life.
__________________
Expat life in the Devil's Triangle:
http://2gringos.blogspot.com/
Canibul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 16:47   #204
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Australia, Central Coast.
Boat: Boden 36 Triple chine long keel steel, named Nekeyah
Posts: 693
Re: The New Joke Thread

svmariane, here's a joke for you.

Little Johnny must have been quite a pupil.
One afternoon, playing for time until the last bell, the teacher asked her class of eleven year olds ; "If you did not have skin, what would you like to be covered with?"
Stephen: " Gold, Miss. If I was covered with gold, I could peel a little bit off , go into town to the Porsche dealer, and buy a Cayman!"
Archie: " Platinum, Miss. I could peel a bit off and have the best Ferrari, better than Stephen's old Porsche!"
Meanwhile, Johnny is bouncing up and down in his seat up the back, waving his arm.
"Miss!Miss!"
"OK Johnny, what would you like in place of your skin?"
"Pubic hair, Miss!"
Young Miss colors a bit and asks with a little menace in her voice, " Johnny, why pubic hair??"
"Well Miss, my big sister only has this much ( holds up hand with palm open) and you should see all the cars at our place!!

Regards,
Richard.
__________________
boden36 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 16:55   #205
Registered User
 
chris mac's Avatar

Join Date: May 2015
Location: edmonton alberta
Boat: 1980 san juan 7.7
Posts: 253
Re: The New Joke Thread

Socaldmax, nice disclaimer;-)
A salesman is driving through the countryside on his way his next customer enjoying a little whiskey, when he sees a three legged chicken running beside him. He looks down and notices his speed at 90 kmh. He looks back at the chicken just as it picks up speed and zooms awaydown the road.
The salesman slams on the brakes, jumps out of his car,throws away his whiskey and swears off drinking forever.
The next week he's going down the same road, enjoying a joint when he sees a three legged chicken running beside him. He notices his speed at 110 kmh just as the chicken once again doubles it's speed and is gone. He slams on his brakes throws away the pot and swears off drugs forever.
The next week he is on the same road completely sober cruising at 130kmh when he sees the three legged chicken again. This time he floors the gas pedal and gets the car up to 200 before the chicken decides to speed up and zoom away. He slams on the brakes and fish tails into the ditch.
A farmer sees him crash and comes running over and asks if he need help. "I need a shrink, I'm halucinating" says the salesman and proceeds to tell the story.
The farmer tells him to calm down, you're not halucinating, I breed three legged chickens, extra leg means extra meat, extra money.
The salesman feels better and asks, do they taste any different than normal chicken?
The farmer replies, I don't know, haven't caught one yet!
__________________
chris mac is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 17:09   #206
Senior Cruiser
 
Jim Cate's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2008
Location: cruising SW Pacific
Boat: Jon Sayer 1-off 46 ft fract rig sloop strip plank in W Red Cedar
Posts: 9,476
Send a message via Skype™ to Jim Cate
Re: The New Joke Thread

back to hospital stories...

I went to visit a friend in hospital and was surprised to find him running terror stricken and stark naked down the corridor in the ward, chased by a nurse wielding a pair of scissors. Down the hall was the doctor, shouting " No, nurse, I said slip off his spectacles"

Jim
__________________
Jim and Ann
s/v Insatiable II, lying Hunter river overnight.
Jim Cate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 17:12   #207
One of Those
 
Canibul's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Turks and Caicos Islands
Boat: Catalac 12M
Posts: 3,209
Re: The New Joke Thread

I was going to ask if you knew why lawyers always wear neckties..




(keeps the foreskins from slipping up and covering their faces)
__________________
Expat life in the Devil's Triangle:
http://2gringos.blogspot.com/
Canibul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 17:38   #208
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Somewhere along the US West Coast
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,496
Images: 122
Re: The New Joke Thread

[QUOTE=Canibul;1857112]I was going to ask if you knew why lawyers always wear neckties..




(keeps the foreskins from slipping up and covering their faces)[/QUOTE

__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful!
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints!

http://choate-40.blogspot.com/
delmarrey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 17:49   #209
D&D
Registered User
 
D&D's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Yamba, Australia
Boat: Lagoon 440, #406
Posts: 1,393
Re: The New Joke Thread

What's the difference between a leech and a lawyer?

A leech gets off your back when you're dead...
__________________
...throw off the bowlines...sail away from safe harbor...catch the winds in your sails...EXPLORE...DREAM...DISCOVER...

www.floatingimpressions.com.au
D&D is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27-06-2015, 17:56   #210
Senior Cruiser
 
StuM's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Port Moresby,Papua New Guinea
Boat: FP Belize Maestro 43
Posts: 4,584
Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Cate View Post
back to hospital stories...

I went to visit a friend in hospital and was surprised to find him running terror stricken and stark naked down the corridor in the ward, chased by a nurse wielding a pair of scissors. Down the hall was the doctor, shouting " No, nurse, I said slip off his spectacles"

Jim
Or ... carrying a steaming bowl ... "Lance his boil"
__________________

__________________
StuM is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:15.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.