The Joke Thread

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by osirissail

I thought this was a joke thread???? What's funny about post 1209??

Most comedians base their jokes on tragedy. And that situation is tragic. A woman rules the day with feelings, a man rules the day with goals. When feelings under mind the goals then the day is lost, why bother. What a tragedy!

[svnakia]

What kind of navigation does a Zombie do?







Un-dead reckoning.

[boatman61]

Hoi n de Polloi's

[hummingway]

'MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD IN NEWFOUNDLAND'


'Hello, is this the Police Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Jack Murphy...He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, twelve St Johns Police Officers descend on Jack's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Jack and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.

'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by osirissail

I thought this was a joke thread???? What's funny about post 1209??

Well, if you read between the lines it is a biting attack on the oppression of women within male centric societies throughout the ages.

I am surprised that your inner dolphin didn't alert you. Mine cried

[capn_billl]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Well, if you read between the lines it is a biting attack on the oppression of women within male centric societies throughout the ages.

I am surprised that your inner dolphin didn't alert you. Mine cried

My inner dolphin just sprayed coffee all over the keyboard.

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by osirissail

I thought this was a joke thread???? What's funny about post 1209??

The fact that they are putting two extreme stereotypes together? In your teens / early 20s, did you never have a conversation that approximated 1209? Or know a buddy who did?

I had a girlfriend when I was about 18 who systematically got rid of my friends so I could spend more time with her. She even turned off my computer once because I was spending too much time (in her opinion) on my university tutorial and she promptly wiped out a morning's work.

I've been there, done that and had the girlfriend who did not recognise what was important to me. I am sure the ladies on here have seen the other side of the coin too with man whose were insensitive to their needs.

1209 resonates with my past - that is what makes it funny. To me at least.....

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Most comedians base their jokes on tragedy. And that situation is tragic. A woman rules the day with feelings, a man rules the day with goals. When feelings under mind the goals then the day is lost, why bother. What a tragedy!

Indeed. I have heard it said that women are defined by their relationships and men by their work/hobbies. 1209 is a case in point IMO.

[Don1500]

Still wasn't that funny. The reply was from a guy telling the gal where she should shut up, in reality that guy probably wouldn't open his mouth to his gal. But he has the courage to type it anonymously to someone else. Not that funny. Pathetic really. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. "It's his Jeep, let him make his own mistakes. Saving him from making them will only cost you. And never say 'I told you so.' Besides, you could be wrong. As for the money, to a guy these things have worth far beyond the actual value. Much like your Prada sling-backs."

[Jesse]

She reminds a lot of my buddy's 5th ex wife, she had other fine qualities as well. After her he gave up on marriage and started buying a new house and car for a woman he hated every five years. It seems to be working well for him and he claims it's cheaper too.

[daddle]

Micronesia gun joke, ya gotta know the islands....

"Chuuk, Chuuk."
"Palau, Palau."
"Did you hit him?"
"Yap"

Heh...

[Therapy]

A Wish......



I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish. "I want to
live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out
of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

[Bill Burgette]

Sounds about right to me.

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. A thimble full of mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1
bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour =
Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubingat Yale or Harvard University
Hospital = 1 IV League

[lookoutnw]

Originally Posted by Spin_Drift

Sorry you did not find it amusing...

The Dad is talking too scientific for a four year old to understand. Way over the little child's head.

Would it have been enough to just talk in the level of a four year old and say (for example), when the air touches the part of an apple where the peel is missing, it turns brown...instead like talking to a scientist...?

So the kid thought...well...you get the drift... I hope this clarifies it a little...

Best wishes, -Spinner

.

I guess you never spent time near engineers...

[Wand]

Sean to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're having sex with your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

Paddy: "Well the joke's on them the stupid buggers, because I wasn't even at home yesterday."