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Old 29-11-2010, 11:35   #1036
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The statistics on sanity suggest that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.
If they’re okay, then you're "it".
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Old 30-11-2010, 13:21   #1037
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TSA's cover girl of the month.........



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Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
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Old 30-11-2010, 13:43   #1038
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TSA's cover girl of the month.........



.

WOW! Look at those lungs! I want to meet her
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Old 30-11-2010, 13:49   #1039
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The statistics on sanity suggest that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.
If they’re okay, then you're "it".

The Farmer's Almanac is predicting a very cold winter. It must be true because the squirrels are gathering NUTS. Three of my neighbors have disappeared already.
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A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
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Old 30-11-2010, 15:49   #1040
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I have friends who shrivel up when it gets cold. If that's not a test for being nuts I don't know what is!
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Old 30-11-2010, 15:59   #1041
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I have friends who shrivel up when it gets cold. If that's not a test for being nuts I don't know what is!
Wouldn't that make them scrota (plural form of scrotum), not nuts?
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Old 30-11-2010, 16:17   #1042
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Wouldn't that make them scrota (plural form of scrotum), not nuts?


In the service we took liberties with "Semper Fidelis" (always faithful)
and made it "Semper Fi Scrotus" (always on the ball).
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Old 05-12-2010, 16:09   #1043
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A Dark and Stormy nite

> It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly
>
>
> And
>
> Each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
>
> She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and
>
> Wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her
>
> From the storm.
>
>
>
> Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out.... She screamed...
>
> He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
>
> He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
>
> He knew this was a forbidden union and
>
> Expected her to pull back.
>
>
> He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
>
> The storm raged on...
>
>
>
> They knew it was wrong...
>
> Their families would never understand... So consumed were
>
> They in their FEAR that they heard no opening
>
> Of doors...just the faint click of a camera......
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Old 05-12-2010, 16:19   #1044
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pirate

Teacher; Glen.. how do you spell crocodile

Glen; K.R.O.K.O.D.I.A.L

Teacher; No Glen... Thats wrong..

Glan; Maybe... but you asked me how I spell it...
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Old 05-12-2010, 16:22   #1045
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pirate


A pirate walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."


"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."


"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."


"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."


The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"


The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off and I got fitted with a hook, but I'm fine, really."


"What about that eye patch?"


"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them **** in my eye."


"You're kidding, right?" said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird ****."


"It was my first day with the hook."

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Old 05-12-2010, 17:14   #1046
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Teacher; Glen.. how do you spell crocodile

Glen; K.R.O.K.O.D.I.A.L

Teacher; No Glen... Thats wrong..

Glan; Maybe... but you asked me how I spell it...
Glen and Glan.

Twins?
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Old 05-12-2010, 17:35   #1047
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Glen and Glan.

Twins?
Diffrunt name... same spella
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Old 05-12-2010, 18:12   #1048
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18 months later, the pirate came back into the bar, and had a small steering wheel stuffed down the front of his trousers. The barkeep observed aloud, "you've got a steering wheel in your pants!" "Yeah," says the pirate, "it's driving me nuts!"
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Old 09-12-2010, 15:59   #1049
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What do you get if you cross a dyslexic, an agnostic, and an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

The satanic dyslexic sold his sole to Santa.

Sincerely,
A.N.D.
The National Association of Dyslexics

P.S. Dyslexics of the world untie.
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Old 09-12-2010, 17:48   #1050
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A Little Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had chewed all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.
Just thought you might like the real story!!
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