Things to Do After Sex: A Practical Guide For Any Situation - mostly (?!) male related...........
(You will enjoy the reading more if you become creative and try to imagine the various given situations)
- Go home.
- Call her a cab.
- Apologize. And explain how you almost never "finish" that quickly.
- Unlock the men's room door and get back to your desk.
- Pay the lady.
- Roll over and go to sleep.
- Take a shower
- Compliment her on her dancing skills as she leaves for the main stage.
- Ask her her name.
- Turn the video camera
- Make yourself a sandwich.
- Tell her to make you a sandwich.
- Change the sheets
- Put the whip back in the freezer
- Clean up the condom wrappers.
- Hang up the phone
and put your credit card back in your wallet.
- Check for sores.
- Ask the waiter for the check.
- Take off the wig and fishnets.
- Return to your seats and pretend to enjoy the in-flight movie
- Remove the beads from your ass.
- Remove the beads from her ass.
- Put another log on the fire.
- Ask if they are in the same sorority.
- Bask in the afterglow.
- Act like you're actually putting her number in your phone
- Try hard not to look so surprised you actually had sex with a woman.
- Engage in some obligatory pillow talk.
- Sneak her back to the reception
to before the other bridesmaids miss her.
- Climb out the window before her father comes home.
- Climb out the window before her husband comes home.
- Defog the windshield so you can drive her home.
- Reload for round two.
- Put the sock in the hamper.
- Tip the washroom attendant for not seeing/hearing anything.
- Remove your ball gag and release The Gimp.
- Let the dog back in the room.
- Let the dog out of the room............
- Turn off Cinemax and go to sleep.
- Get her a towel.
- Take the rubber bands off your wrist and let the blood flow back into your hand.
- Uncuff her.
- Beg her to uncuff you.
- Chew your arm off to get away without waking her up.
- Tell the cabdriver he can turn the rearview mirror back to where it belongs.
- Try not to laugh when she tells you she's "never done anything like that before."
- Wipe off the clown makeup.
- Hold her. That's right. Hold. Her.
- Turn off the Barry White/Marvin Gaye/Righteous Brothers/Sting mix.
- Blow out the candles.
- Deflate your girlfriend and put her back under the bed
- Shut down the hot tub jets and grab a towel.
- Try to convince yourself you didn't see an Adam's Apple.
- Put the cap back on the lube.
- Fluff up the coat pile and get back to the party.
- Drop the keys at the front desk.
- Log off and wipe down your keyboard.