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Old 13-12-2009, 12:11   #616
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Hundreds protest global warming!

A seen at the summit...............


..................
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Old 14-12-2009, 01:25   #617
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In Dana's book "Two Years Before the Mast" written in the early 1800's, the ultimate way to insult a sailor was to call him a "Marine" . I think that still applies today.
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Old 14-12-2009, 01:39   #618
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just
what do those symbolise?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'


And So The Christmas Season Begins......
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Old 15-12-2009, 13:11   #619
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hee hee - I like that one Anjou
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Old 15-12-2009, 13:37   #620
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Make sure to read story at bottomÖ





Fantastic. Greg sends along this DIY FYI:
"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down.
First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.
Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize the guy was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."
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Old 15-12-2009, 21:56   #621
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Ok - Hadn't heard this before.

4 military guys arrive at the pearly gates after the carrier they were on was sunk.

St. Peter says to get in they have to pass a test.

St. Peter asked the first guy, "What's 2 + 2?"
The guys anwers, "6"
"no"
"5"
"no"
"4"
"Yes - welcome to heaven"

He asks the second guy the same thing"

"The square root of 12"
"Yes - welcome to heaven"

He asks the 3rd guy

"less than 7"
"yes"
"more than 2"
"yes"
"less than 5"
"yes"
"more than 3"
"yes"
"it's 4"
"yes - welcome to heaven"

He asks the 4th guy

"5 - Hooo - Haaaa, Semper Fi!" and the guy charges past St. Peter through the gates.

"There was an angel hovering nearby who asked St. Peter, "what the heck was that all about."

"Clearly they were all military"

"How do you know that and how do you know they deserve to enter."

"Easy. The first guy was a ships engineer. Smart as seaweed and crude as mud. He kept cutting it down until it fit.

The second guy was a carrier pilot. He gave the right answer in a way that allows him to show off.

The third guy was a gunner. Uncomfortable commiting a firm answer he bracketed the target until he got a hit."

"What about the last guy? He didn't even get the right answer."

"Ah. He was a marine. Braver than Sir Lancelot and dumber than dirt but you gotta just love 'em."
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Old 15-12-2009, 22:19   #622
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Calif View Post
Ok - Hadn't heard this before.

4 military guys arrive at the pearly gates after the carrier they were on was sunk.

St. Peter says to get in they have to pass a test.

St. Peter asked the first guy, "What's 2 + 2?"
Quote:
He asks the second guy the same thing"

"The square root of 12"
"Yes - welcome to heaven"
pilot math?
Quote:
The second guy was a carrier pilot. He gave the right answer in a way that allows him to show off.
(can you guess who I deal with for a living?)
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Old 15-12-2009, 22:32   #623
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pilot math?

(can you guess who I deal with for a living?)
Oh, crap. That's funnier than the joke. Transcribing mode not thinking mode. Every marine knows its the cube root of 12

Hoo- Haa! Semper Fi!
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Old 16-12-2009, 06:59   #624
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For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, and Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce
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Old 16-12-2009, 07:41   #625
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pirate Little Johnny

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS... CAN I GO NOW?"
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Old 17-12-2009, 10:09   #626
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Oh, crap. That's funnier than the joke. Transcribing mode not thinking mode. Every marine knows its the cube root of 12

Hoo- Haa! Semper Fi!
Umm...we don't say hoo-haa it's hoorah pronounced oorah. A hoo-haa is the name for a woman's mysterious lady parts.
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Old 17-12-2009, 10:56   #627
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I was informed that the correct pronunciation was originally " Whoo-Ahh..." wthout an R at all. And that subsequent versions are mis-interpretations of the original.

I was also told that the original derivation is from H.U.A. for 'Heard, Understood, Acknowledged.'

That's what I was told.

But you know how SEALs will pull your leg.
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Old 17-12-2009, 11:00   #628
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Hmm. Not sure what the history is I just know that the big angry DIs left no room for interpretation when they were explaining it to us.
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Old 17-12-2009, 12:13   #629
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Quote:
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...Hoo- Haa! Semper Fi!
Hooah! (Army) or Ooo-Rah! (Marines):

Originally used by the British in the late 1800's in Afghanistan. More recently adopted by the United States military to indicate an affirmative or a pleased response, or meaning anything and everything except "no"; and also:
- Heard understood acknowledged.
- I don't know what you said but I want you to think I was paying attention, or Iím not listening.
- I disagree but I'll do it anyway.
- I want you to think I care.
- I want to show you I can act motivated.
- I do not know, but will check on it.
- I haven't the vaguest idea, but am too embarrassed to ask for clarification.
- Stop snivelling.
- You've got to be kidding.
- That is really neat, I want one too.
- Yes.
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Old 17-12-2009, 12:35   #630
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GordMay View Post
Hooah! (Army) or Ooo-Rah! (Marines):

Originally used by the British in the late 1800's in Afghanistan. More recently adopted by the United States military to indicate an affirmative or a pleased response, or meaning anything and everything except "no"; and also:
- Heard understood acknowledged.
- I don't know what you said but I want you to think I was paying attention, or Iím not listening.
- I disagree but I'll do it anyway.
- I want you to think I care.
- I want to show you I can act motivated.
- I do not know, but will check on it.
- I haven't the vaguest idea, but am too embarrassed to ask for clarification.
- Stop snivelling.
- You've got to be kidding.
- That is really neat, I want one too.
- Yes.
Ha, yeah that's about right. Just add in some cuss words every other hoorah and you'll be dead on.
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