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Old 26-04-2015, 21:10   #4786
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Re: The Joke Thread

Sixty Years of Math In America:


1. Teaching Math in 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is
his profit?

2. Teaching Math in 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit?


3. Teaching Math in 1970s


A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a
profit?

4. Teaching Math in 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is
$20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.


5. Teaching Math in 1990s


A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because

he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for
the habitat of animals or the preservation of our
woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)


6. Teaching Math in 2000s

If you have special needs or just feel you
need assistance because of race, color, religion,
sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then
don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for
you. There are no wrong answers.

7. Teaching Math in 2020

Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara
100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos.
Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

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Old 26-04-2015, 22:39   #4787
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by sailorboy1 View Post
I feel her pain!!!

And what about those "Falling Rocks" signs! Why would we give rocks the Ok to randomly fall out onto the road in front of us? We should move those out to the middle of a field or something!

In NSW, the 'Falling Rocks' signs read:

"Falling Rocks Do Not Stop"

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Morons know nothing about the Laws of Physics
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Old 26-04-2015, 23:32   #4788
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by sailorboy1
I feel her pain!!!

And what about those "Falling Rocks" signs! Why would we give rocks the Ok to randomly fall out onto the road in front of us? We should move those out to the middle of a field or something!
Collusion between the farm lobbyists and the auto collision center lobbyists.
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Old 27-04-2015, 01:27   #4789
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Re: The Joke Thread

E = ma^2 + mb^2

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(Einstein-Pythagorean Theorem)

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Old 27-04-2015, 07:01   #4790
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Re: The Joke Thread

Ethel In The Nursing Home

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK," he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!"
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Old 27-04-2015, 08:47   #4791
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikolina View Post
Don't really care how many queers are in your family it's a "joke thread". Try posting a joke!
Like you just did in this post?
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Old 27-04-2015, 08:49   #4792
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by mlydon View Post
Jokes, dammit! All this gay chatter should be in the gay thread, NOT the moke thread

What do you say to a blond woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing - she's already been told twice

What do you call a blond with a brunnette dye job?
Artificial intelligence

What do blonds put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles
yeah twenty year old misogynistic jokes are just SO hilarious. Gosh. Let me write this stuff down! I wonder if Letterman knows about this!! Do you write your own material?

and I'd believe it if you said yes.
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Old 27-04-2015, 09:14   #4793
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Re: The Joke Thread

[QUOTE=Canibul;1811072]yeah twenty year old misogynistic jokes are just SO hilarious...[/QUOTE]

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

If you are having sex with TWO women and ONE more woman walks in, what do you have?
Divorce proceedings, most likely.

Four Secrets to a Happy Marriage (From a Man’s Perspective)
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have sex.
4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!
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Old 27-04-2015, 13:52   #4794
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Re: The Joke Thread

A sailor walks into a gay bar during a storm and yells "hey how's the ......"



you complete it depending of your level of joke
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Old 15-05-2015, 09:53   #4795
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Re: The Joke Thread

The Religious Debate:

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy.*
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.*
He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise, Rabbi Bernie to represent them in the debate.*
However, as Bernie spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish; they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Bernie sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.*

Rabbi Bernie looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Bernie pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Bernie pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Bernie was too clever and that the Jews could stay in Italy.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.

The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.*
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.*

Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us.*
He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.*
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins.*
The Rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.*
He had me beaten at my every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Bernie.
"How did you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Bernie.*
"First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger!
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Bernie. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine."


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