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Old 23-04-2015, 11:36   #4756
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by captain58sailin View Post
That means if there are 10 people are in your family, one of them is gay.
actually, the combined family is bigger than that and there are three that I know of.
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Old 23-04-2015, 11:50   #4757
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Re: The Joke Thread

It is just a statistic I heard some time ago. I use it to give Homophobs a hard time.
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Old 23-04-2015, 12:55   #4758
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Re: The Joke Thread

run into any of those at the Homer Spit saloon?
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Old 23-04-2015, 15:18   #4759
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by captain58sailin View Post
It is just a statistic I heard some time ago. I use it to give Homophobs a hard time.
Wifey B: So how do you count bi-sexual? Base it on their primary partner? I mean like we have a lot of friends who are sort of mostly lesbian.
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Old 23-04-2015, 15:37   #4760
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Re: The Joke Thread

I'm definitely a lesbian.
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Old 23-04-2015, 16:02   #4761
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
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Wifey B: So how do you count bi-sexual? Base it on their primary partner? I mean like we have a lot of friends who are sort of mostly lesbian.
Nobody ever does count the bi-sexuals.
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Old 23-04-2015, 16:06   #4762
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Re: The Joke Thread

Maybe we can get back to jokes on the joke thread:

A CF Skipper is walking through town looking for crew, when he sees a five-story building with a sign that reads, "Crew Association: Yacht Crew Available" Since he is without crew, he decides to go in. The Security Guard, a very salty type, explains to him how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor and once you find what you are looking for, for crew, you can go there and make a selection. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you who's inside."

Everything seems straightforward enough, so the CF Skipper starts going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the crew on this floor are beginners." The CF Skipper laughs, and without hesitation moves on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the crew here are experienced, smart but weak."

Still, this isn't good enough, so the CF Skipper continues on up. He reaches the third floor and the sign reads, "All the crew here are experienced, smart and strong." He still wants to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, he keeps going. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect, "All the crew here are experienced, smart, strong and former America's Cup Champions." The CF Skipper get excited and is about to go in when he realizes that there is still one floor left.

Wondering what he is missing, he heads up to the fifth floor. There he finds a sign that reads, "There are no crew here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a Cruiser's Forum Skipper!"
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Old 23-04-2015, 16:34   #4763
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by BandB View Post
Wifey B: So how do you count bi-sexual? Base it on their primary partner? I mean like we have a lot of friends who are sort of mostly lesbian.
And the quote I believe attributed to Woody Allen,

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

And

I couldn't be bisexual. I would have to face rejection by men and women.
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Old 23-04-2015, 17:20   #4764
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
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And the quote I believe attributed to Woody Allen,

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

And

I couldn't be bisexual. I would have to face rejection by men and women.
See? That's why I would never do a threesome. Why would I want to disappoint two women?
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Old 23-04-2015, 17:22   #4765
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Re: The Joke Thread

Speaking of jokes on the joke thread, has anyone heard from Coops or did I miss something?
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Old 23-04-2015, 21:17   #4766
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Re: The Joke Thread

Was told recently by a teacher friend of a student in one of his classes, a recent immigrant from Africa, named Ufuk....
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Old 23-04-2015, 23:55   #4767
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Re: The Joke Thread

A teacher asked the children in her 3rd year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny answered first.
"I want to start out as an S.A.S. Officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Muslims, return as a national hero, then become a billionaire, go to the most
Expensive clubs, find me the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this unfortunate response from little Johnny, decided not to acknowledge what he said and simply tried to continue with the lesson.
"And how about you, Sarah?"


"I want to be Johnny's tart!"
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Old 24-04-2015, 05:12   #4768
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Re: The Joke Thread

Some retired perspective;

1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably pissed.

4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.

6. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.

8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers. If you find one, what's your plan?

10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.
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Old 24-04-2015, 14:05   #4769
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Re: The Joke Thread

MARIJUANA AND MARRIAGE



For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two laws. They legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makesperfect Biblical sense.



Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned". Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!
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Old 25-04-2015, 01:38   #4770
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Re: The Joke Thread

Rainy Day Woman #13&35 - Bob Dylan: http://youtu.be/h0Zxd5jp-lI
I take a more liberal view
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