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anjou · 02-09-2009, 08:31

Does that suggest men are somewhat simplistic or women are overly complex? or maybe it just means women are capable of twiddling many knobs while men struggle with one button

**GordMay** · 03-09-2009, 05:01

Not necessarily.
Women may be more ambiguous, tortuously convoluted, and perversely abstruse; whilst men may be more clear, direct, and obvious, in their respective thinking.
Then again, maybe not.

anjou · 03-09-2009, 05:24

I couldnt possibly comment.

Christian Van H · 03-09-2009, 05:46

Referring to the above diagram; "an engineers view of the two genders", you DONT even want to know what happens if you set dial D-2 off by more than two detents!

Dont ask how I know this...

anjou · 03-09-2009, 06:27

Looking at the above diagram, its obvious that man is simple, as denoted by one switch, capable of only being on or off whereas woman - WO (With Out) MAN ie, woman without a man, is more advanced, developed and capable of numerous possibilities.

anjou · 03-09-2009, 07:00

Things You Would Love To Say at Work :1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.2. I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.3. How about never? Is never good for you?4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.14. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.16. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.17. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?18. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.19. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?20. Do I look like a people person?21. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.22. If I throw a stick, will you leave?23. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.24. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.25. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

anjou · 03-09-2009, 07:01

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hellhappened to your bra.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whisperingwhen you are not.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like anidiot.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell yourfriends over and over again that you love them.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-loversare really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logicallyconverse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mysticalKung ** powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over inthe morning and see something really scary.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicablerug burns on the forehead/knees.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you aretougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you areinvisible.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think peopleare laughing WITH you.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in thetime-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literallydisappear.

mmckee1952 · 03-09-2009, 08:21

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,
"I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at
60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from
her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know
that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks
over at his wife and growls,
"Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be
thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal
radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
clenched teeth, "Damn it, woman, can't you keep your big mouth
shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not
wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but
took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license
out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very
well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your
seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the
driver turns to his wife and barks, "GODDAMN, WHY DON'T YOU
PLEASE SHUT YOUR FAT MOUTH?"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your
husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

"Only when he's drunk

osirissail · 03-09-2009, 19:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by anjou

Looking at the above diagram, its obvious that man is simple, as denoted by one switch, capable of only being on or off whereas woman - WO (With Out) MAN ie, woman without a man, is more advanced, developed and capable of numerous possibilities.

Another example:

bmiller · 03-09-2009, 19:31

BBurg · 05-09-2009, 14:41

Perfect Eyesight

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don't remember."

Blue Tree · 06-09-2009, 06:57

So Paddy asks Murphy: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which Murphy replies:

"You Thick idiot - If they fell forwards they'd still be in the f...in' boat.

anjou · 06-09-2009, 07:38

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are walking down Oxford St when Watson sees a house with a big yellow doorway. 'I say Holmes old chap, what is it?', .....'Why, its a lemon entry Dear Watson'

MikeZ · 06-09-2009, 09:18

mmckee1952 · 08-09-2009, 10:57

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom
door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you
live.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left
open.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is
free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be
the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are
pretty, some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but they all exist very
nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a
detour.

06-09-2009, 07:38	#463
anjou Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Malvernshire, on the sunny side of the hill. Boat: 50' steel canal and river cruiser Posts: 1,905	Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are walking down Oxford St when Watson sees a house with a big yellow doorway. 'I say Holmes old chap, what is it?', .....'Why, its a lemon entry Dear Watson' __________________ www.amy-artimis.blogspot.com

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05-09-2009, 14:41	#461
BBurg Registered User Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 8	Perfect Eyesight Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try." "That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight". "Where did it go?" says Arthur. "I don't remember."

06-09-2009, 06:57	#462
Blue Tree Registered User Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8	So Paddy asks Murphy: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which Murphy replies: "You Thick idiot - If they fell forwards they'd still be in the f...in' boat.

06-09-2009, 09:18	#464
MikeZ Registered User Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 82

08-09-2009, 10:57	#465
mmckee1952 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Cobbs Creek, VA Boat: 1976,Irwin 37 CC, Blue Bayou Posts: 270 Images: 27	Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet? You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.