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Old 20-03-2015, 19:35   #4621
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Re: The Joke Thread

C, Eb and G walk into a bar. The bartender looks at 'em and says "Sorry, no minors".
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Old 20-03-2015, 20:48   #4622
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by rassabossa View Post
C, Eb and G walk into a bar. The bartender looks at 'em and says "Sorry, no minors".
I can't help but wonder how many sailors will get that one.

Well played.
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Old 20-03-2015, 21:26   #4623
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Re: The Joke Thread

kinda struck a chord ...

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Old 20-03-2015, 22:21   #4624
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Re: The Joke Thread

twang...good one BigJohn. Your post struck a note.
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Old 20-03-2015, 22:48   #4625
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Re: The Joke Thread

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twang...good one BigJohn. Your post struck a note.
i like the tone of that ...

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Old 21-03-2015, 00:11   #4626
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The Joke Thread

It was a bit off key to me.
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Old 21-03-2015, 11:28   #4627
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Re: The Joke Thread

As soon as I read that joke, this started going through my head:

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Old 21-03-2015, 20:16   #4628
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Re: The Joke Thread

Maybe i missed it - what was remotely funny about that video?
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Old 21-03-2015, 20:26   #4629
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Re: The Joke Thread

Thread drift (for which I'm famous).

It starts in the key of C with the first notes being C, E flat, and G.
I've got perfect pitch (been told it's about 1 in 1,000 who have it) so when I read the joke, that song popped up in my head.
Sorry to be so obtuse.

Perfect pitch can be a problem sometimes, but usually it's a blessing.
Imagine not needing to look at a tachometer, you KNOW the rpm.
Tuning your guitar or whatever. You just KNOW when it's right.
Lots of other examples, but...
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Old 21-03-2015, 20:40   #4630
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by rassabossa View Post
C, Eb and G walk into a bar. The bartender looks at 'em and says "Sorry, no minors".
and it goes on ...


so E-flat leaves and C and G have an open fifth between them.


After a few more drinks, the fifth is diminished: G is out flat.


the original goes on and on, see: RJ’s Journal – A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.. – Last.fm..


Al
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Old 22-03-2015, 07:37   #4631
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Re: The Joke Thread

I think y'all are just picking on them.
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Old 22-03-2015, 10:12   #4632
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Re: The Joke Thread

I don't know if any of you have heard of the "Leningrad Cowboys" but I get a kick out of them and not bad music either.
Give it a try!
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Old 22-03-2015, 15:30   #4633
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Re: The Joke Thread

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. The words ‘Iran’ and ‘Iraq’ are to be pronounced ‘eeran’ and ‘eeraq’
(not ‘eyeran’ and ‘eyeraq’ - oh for christ saaake!)

-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
8. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
9. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

10. Finally, please note that the word is “laboratory”
(not labratory - that makes It sound like a toilet)
------------------
God Save the Queen!
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Old 22-03-2015, 15:44   #4634
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

How'd that work out for ya last time?
LOL
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Old 22-03-2015, 19:49   #4635
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by D&D View Post
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. The words ‘Iran’ and ‘Iraq’ are to be pronounced ‘eeran’ and ‘eeraq’
(not ‘eyeran’ and ‘eyeraq’ - oh for christ saaake!)

-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
8. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
9. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

10. Finally, please note that the word is “laboratory”
(not labratory - that makes It sound like a toilet)
------------------
God Save the Queen!


LMAO!!!
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