The Joke Thread

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by Coops

DLD.

Coops.

ok

I don't get it

What are they thinking?

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by carstenb

ok

I don't get it

What are they thinking?

"Don't look down", I guess

[carstenb]

aha!

[LakeSuperior]

I was wondering if anyone on CF heard the joke about the cannibal who passed his friend in the jungle?

[LakeSuperior]

I was watching professional poker on TV and I saw a leper card player throw his hand in.

[Finistere]

Sven and Ole were fishing on the shore of Mille Lacs when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had No matches, he asked Ole for a light.
'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Ole replied and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'Wow, dats a big lighter ya got der!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Ole, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a gol darn Genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.
'Could I see him?'
Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Sven says, 'Hey der! I'm a good pal of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.


The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the one million ducks Sven yells at Ole, 'What da hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'


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[D&D]

An old WD40 advert...and a real reminder of how far our 'PC' standards are moved....

[socaldmax]

Back when real men worked on Madison Ave.!

[Cormorant]

That WD-40 ad seems to be a fake. A very funny fake, but still. . . .

snopes.com: 1964 WD-40 Ad Full of Sexual Innuendo

[D&D]

Originally Posted by Cormorant

That WD-40 ad seems to be a fake. A very funny fake, but still. . . .

snopes.com: 1964 WD-40 Ad Full of Sexual Innuendo

Ah well...we suspected as much, but let it 'slip through to the keeper' on the basis that it was, as you say, very funny...

[Coops]

Wonder if Badger's Arse toilet paper is real then.

Badger's Arse Industrial Toilet Paper - VIZ

Coops.

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by Coops

Wonder if Badger's Arse toilet paper is real then.

Badger's Arse Industrial Toilet Paper - VIZ

Coops.

Gawd, Coops, that's funny!

I dunno if Badger's Arse is real, but in the real world there are some odd materials used for this purpose. In my former life, I had several periods where I spent some time at AWRE, the British nuclear research site. The paper in the bogs there was government issue and almost unusable. Each and every square was imprinted with a very official emblem and the words " On her Majesty's service". As a visiting Yank, I thought that odd... and kinda funny, too!

Jim

[Canibul]

no ****?

[GeoPowers]

Two cell phones meet in a crowded subway. They date, fall in love, and one day get married. The ceremony was lackluster, but the reception was excellent!

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but you'd better not start anything!"

Two cows were chewing cud in a pasture. Daisy says to Dolly, "I went to the barn last night and was artificially inseminated!" "I don't believe you", says Dolly. Daisy says, "I swear it's true- no bull!!"

Frank


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[GordMay]

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

***

C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors”