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Old 11-05-2009, 08:48   #331
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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. ?Billy, you be first,? she said, ?What does you mother do all day?? Billy stood up and proudly said, ?She?s a doctor.?

?That?s wonderful. How about you, Amie??

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, ?My father is a mailman.?

?Thank you, Amie,? said the teacher, ?What about your father, Tim??

Tim proudly stood up and announced, ?My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.?

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Tim?s house and rang the bell. Tim?s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Tim?s father said, ?I?m actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old??
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Old 11-05-2009, 09:22   #332
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JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE




What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan



What is a Yankee?


The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?


The position of the dirt bag





Why is divorce so expensive?


Because it's worth it.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?



Doughnuts


Why is air a lot like sex?


Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


What do you call a smart blonde?



A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?


Their personalities..


What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?


10 years and 45 lbs


What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?


45 minutes


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?


Through his chest with a sharp knife


Why do men want to marry virgins?


They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?


Because those men already have boyfriends.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?


After a year, the dog is still excited to see you


Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?


The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?


Because they have cotton balls.


What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?


A porcupine has the pricks on the o utside.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?


'Are you sure it's mine?'


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?


Mace will do that to you.


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?


Everyone has the same DNA.


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?


Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?


A different bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a

blonde baby?


They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?


A speech impediment


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?


A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?


Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?


A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' -A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t
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Old 12-05-2009, 09:21   #333
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The Pastor's Ass


The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the
race
again and it won again.


The local paper read:

PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered
the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.



The next day the local paper headline
read:

BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S
ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid
of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline
the
next day:


NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so
she
sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN
SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back
the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
wild.


The next day the headlines read:


NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.


The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion
can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
life.


So be yourself and enjoy life.


Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and
live longer!

Have
a nice day!
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Old 13-05-2009, 09:06   #334
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband
is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and
hides in the
bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the
little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the
lover are in
the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove,
let's go
outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'
The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'
The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends
like that...that
is way more than those two things cost.
I'm taking you to church, to confession.'
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit
in the
confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that sh*t again; you're in my
closet now...
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Old 14-05-2009, 09:41   #335
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Spread the Stupidity

Only in America�..... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America���.

do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke...
Only in America�..... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


Only in America��.

do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


Only in America.....

do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


Only in America�..�do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
our skin?


Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?


Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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Old 14-05-2009, 09:48   #336
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Black and White
(Under age 40? You won't understand.)


<cid:11.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com> You could hardly see for all the snow, spread the rabbit ears as far as they go...pull a chair up to the TV set,

'Good Night, David.
Good Night, Chet.'

<cid:12.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com> My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread Mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli.

<cid:13.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com> Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then..

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

<cid:14.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com> We all took gym, not PE...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. We all wore white, short sleeved, buttoned shirts and (short) blue shorts for gym, washed over the weekend and brought back clean on Monday. We all took showers at end of Gym before going to our next class.
<cid:15.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com> Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention..

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses?
Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either, because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

<cid:16.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com>

I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.

Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.
Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
<cid:17.94039844@web31304.mail.mud.yahoo.com>

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.
How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA. AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED.
I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!
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Old 15-05-2009, 08:06   #337
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help
you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
: )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to.
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Old 15-05-2009, 08:11   #338
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Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all
Brunettes, charter a
double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and
the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up,
having a great time, when one of them realized she
hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She
decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the
Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here?
We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard
and whispered...

'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!'
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Old 18-05-2009, 08:28   #339
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A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT
MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER
NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO .'

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY
GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN.

SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT
CAME A CARD THAT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED
A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS
FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER
CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG, AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER
CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED
AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .
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Old 19-05-2009, 11:57   #340
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DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
> >
> > (Or the uncertainty of the English language)
> >
> >
> > Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
> > family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got
> > married, did you?'
> > Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
> > intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must
> > have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce
> > Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
> 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then
> I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
> > took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife
> > at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
> > 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids..'
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
> > has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe,
> > but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the>
> > curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce
> > you man and wife.'
> >
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
> > 1. The DNA all matches..
> > 2. There are no dental records.
> >
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long
> > it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
> > The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and
> > hangs up..
> >
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
> Gonzalez..
> > 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other
> > detective replied.
> > 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a
> > hole in Juan.'
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------------------
> > Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe:
> 'Yeah.
> > Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
> >
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and
> > asks him how he is feeling.. 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four
> > letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
> > 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!'
> >
> > ------------------------------------------------------------
> > While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display>
> > of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
> > since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my
> > husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini>
> > or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get>
> > it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
> >
> >
> .................................................. .....................
> >
> > The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive
> > clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning,
> > accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little>
> > old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
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Old 20-05-2009, 09:41   #341
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A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste)

[cid:BD15373119964A2B9119EC20593A8B0E@ShopPC]

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers... None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're a*s-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room.
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Old 20-05-2009, 11:45   #342
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The Landlubber and The Genie

A landlubber was walking along a California beach on a recent afternoon, when he noticed an old bottle washed up on the shore. Picking it up he brushed off the sand and in doing so out popped a genie.
The lubber was anxious to receive his obligatory 3 wishes, but the genie proceeded to tell him that he was having a tough time in the current economy and could only grant one wish.
The man thought for a bit and said I have always wanted to visit Hawaii, but I am deathly afraid of flying, so taking a plane is not an option for me. I am also terrified of the water so taking a boat is out of the question. My wish is that you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there.
The genie once again explained his current financial crisis. With the rising cost of building materials, labor, and engineering involved, I cant possibly comply with your wish. I promise if you pick another wish I will make it so. the genie said.
The man thought for a minute and said, Okay, I too have suffered in this economy and can certainly understand you plight. My other wish is this. I have always wanted to be able to understand the mystery that is the female of the species. I want to understand women. That is my wish.
A look of despair came over the face of the genie as he said
Do you want that bridge 2 lanes or 4?
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Old 21-05-2009, 08:02   #343
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An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie


At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.


That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie
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Old 21-05-2009, 10:13   #344
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Rather dry joke taken from Family Guy:

Q: Do you know why W.S Gilbert was frequently drunk on this transatlantic crossings?

A: Because he was quartered on the port side!
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Old 21-05-2009, 12:01   #345
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Subject: Fw: Doctors &amp
; their stories

>>

> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in

the cab!

> I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and

began to take off her underwear.

> Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong

one.

>

> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX

>

>

>

> 2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

> Big breaths, I instructed.

> Yes, they used to be, replied the patient..

>

> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA .

>

>

>

> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her

husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

> Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the

family that he had died of a, 'massive internal fart.'

>

> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

>

>

>

> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with

one of his medications.

> Which one, I asked?

> The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now

I'm running out of places to put it!

> I had him quickly un dress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
body!

> Now, the instructions=2
0include removal of the old patch before applying a

new one.

>

> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA.

>

>

>

> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, How long

have you been bedridden?

> After a look of complete confusion, she answered....Why, not for about

twenty
years -- when my husband was alive.'

>

> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

>

>

>

> 6.. I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So, how's your breakfast this

morning?

> It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.

> I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient replied.

> I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet

labeled 'KY Jelly.'

>

> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

>

>

>

> 7.. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with

purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and

wearing strange clothing, entered.


> It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she

was scheduled for immediate surgery.

> When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed

that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that

read, 'Keep off the grass.'

> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the

patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

>

> Submitted by RN, no
name.

>

>

> AND FINALLY!!!...

>

>

>

> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite

> embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.

> To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling

softly.

> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst

out laughing and further embarrassing me.

> I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,

> I'm sorry.

> Was I tickling you?

> She replied, No doctor, but=2
0the song you were whistling was,

> 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

>

> Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)
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