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Old 29-03-2014, 22:14   #3331
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Re: The Joke Thread

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I guess the police cars and yellow tape is not enough of a deterrent?

wondering around with no destionation

Yes, when they arrive, 3 hours later. In the meantime...



BTW, the correct spelling is wander and destination.
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Old 29-03-2014, 22:23   #3332
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Re: The Joke Thread

Why is it called seven eleven if they or open twenty four hours a day?
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Old 29-03-2014, 22:27   #3333
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Re: The Joke Thread

By the way spelling is not my thing. Being henpacked ether is not a thing I fansy. I gots no degree stateing I have to right wright. I can tawlk. But hey you r pikkin up wut im pouttin doawn.

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Old 30-03-2014, 01:23   #3334
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Quote:
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By the way spelling is not my thing. Being henpacked ether is not a thing I fansy. I gots no degree stateing I have to right wright. I can tawlk. But hey you r pikkin up wut im pouttin doawn.

wondering around with no destionation
well you're way ahead of me on capitalization and punctuation
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Old 30-03-2014, 03:43   #3335
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The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Wonderinlost View Post
By the way spelling is not my thing. Being henpacked ether is not a thing I fansy. I gots no degree stateing I have to right wright. I can tawlk. But hey you r pikkin up wut im pouttin doawn.

wondering around with no destionation

The world needs diversity and like being chased by a bear , we all need a proportion in the shallow end


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Old 30-03-2014, 07:06   #3336
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Re: The Joke Thread

An old man always told me through my troubles hire the special people they are fun to watch at work. I always wondered or was it wander away from that tought.... thumbs

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Old 30-03-2014, 07:47   #3337
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Why is it called seven eleven if they or open twenty four hours a day?
As to the name 7-Eleven. It wasn't always 24 hours. They started as Tote-m Stores and changed the name when they revolutionized things by being open from 7 AM to 11 PM. Prior to them stores all closed around 6 PM and many opened at 8 or 9. They were the ones to really make the stores into "Convenience" stores.
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Old 30-03-2014, 09:23   #3338
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Re: The Joke Thread

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As to the name 7-Eleven. It wasn't always 24 hours. They started as Tote-m Stores and changed the name when they revolutionized things by being open from 7 AM to 11 PM. Prior to them stores all closed around 6 PM and many opened at 8 or 9. They were the ones to really make the stores into "Convenience" stores.
Interesting. Never knew that. A little before my time just like ready for this joke, I was told that there was a time stores used to closed on Sundays. I want to go back to then.

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Old 30-03-2014, 09:33   #3339
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Interesting. Never knew that. A little before my time just like ready for this joke, I was told that there was a time stores used to closed on Sundays. I want to go back to then.

wondering around with no destionation
Before my time too, but I read a lot. Blue Laws required Sunday closings and in parts of the South, businesses closed on Wednesday afternoons too. Part of the time when we worked less but got the same amount accomplished.
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Old 30-03-2014, 09:50   #3340
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Before my time too, but I read a lot. Blue Laws required Sunday closings and in parts of the South, businesses closed on Wednesday afternoons too. Part of the time when we worked less but got the same amount accomplished.
Wow wensday afternoons as well. Sometimes I get sad hearing this and see where we are now in the states.


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Old 30-03-2014, 15:22   #3341
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Wow wensday afternoons as well. Sometimes I get sad hearing this and see where we are now in the states.


wondering around with no destionation
I think the rum and diesel are reversed in your picture. I'm pretty sure I think a lot more about rum than I do diesel, but then again, I have a sailboat.
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Old 30-03-2014, 15:56   #3342
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderinlost

Interesting. Never knew that. A little before my time just like ready for this joke, I was told that there was a time stores used to closed on Sundays. I want to go back to then.

wondering around with no destionation
For the last 4 weeks I have been putting up with closed on Sunday. It's a huge pain in the arse. Especially if you couldn't go grocery shopping sat....
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Old 31-03-2014, 00:35   #3343
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Re: The Joke Thread

As it is a joke thread, we better have some.

What do you call a rock group who meticulously plan their annual tours?



OC/DC

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Old 31-03-2014, 00:38   #3344
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Re: The Joke Thread

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there
are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

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Old 31-03-2014, 00:43   #3345
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Re: The Joke Thread

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of
her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this
guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot
of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he
tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong,
honey. I love you!'

His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my
ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had
any Vaseline.

I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong.

I love you, too.'

Coops.
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