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Old 22-01-2014, 18:28   #3106
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Re: The Joke Thread

Making change? The classic: Paper Moon - Five/Ten

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Old 23-01-2014, 07:09   #3107
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Re: The Joke Thread

I have to go along with Therapy here. Math - even simple math - is a skill and if you don't use it, you lose it. I have been teaching a class to college graduates for the past two decades that involves some simple math - addition, subtraction multiplication and long division. All stuff you learned to do in grade school. But about half the class struggles with it. They aren't dumb people - just out of practice.

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Old 23-01-2014, 07:35   #3108
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Re: The Joke Thread

I find that cribbage helps keep my mind shrap.
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Old 23-01-2014, 11:58   #3109
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by captain58sailin View Post
I find that cribbage helps keep my mind shrap.
A shrap mind is a terrible thing to waste!
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Old 23-01-2014, 12:44   #3110
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Re: The Joke Thread

I have an excuse when I take 3 pts instead of the 2 I'm supposed to.
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Old 24-01-2014, 14:00   #3111
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Re: The Joke Thread

Clever bear,

Watch Till End: Bear steals an entire dumpster... [VIDEO]

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Old 24-01-2014, 17:44   #3112
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Re: The Joke Thread

This will keep your mind sharp for math.

The problem with time and timezones. [VIDEO]

So how does a gps know the time????
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Old 24-01-2014, 19:38   #3113
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by avb3 View Post
If you want to try to understand the incomprehensible, try following this Newfie's yarn. I've met this guy... He is NOT drunk... He just talks that way. Funny, funny stuff.

elmo0003 - YouTube

Can you imagine the conversation between him, a Cajun and an Aussie?
Wow You REALLY have to be paying attention to understand even half of what this guy says.
Entertaining.
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Old 24-01-2014, 19:45   #3114
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by glenn.225 View Post
This will keep your mind sharp for math.

The problem with time and timezones. [VIDEO]

So how does a gps know the time????
Great Rant.... half way thru I started humming Chicago

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Old 25-01-2014, 14:26   #3115
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Re: The Joke Thread

Coops, we are starting to get philosophical here, we need some more jokes!
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Old 25-01-2014, 14:30   #3116
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Re: The Joke Thread

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

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Old 25-01-2014, 14:32   #3117
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Re: The Joke Thread

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the

night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll

not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll

be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He

falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the

stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls

flat on his face,


'Shoite,


Shoite !'


He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to

the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door

and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes

a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto

the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.



'Bi'Jesus... I'm focked,' he says.



He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,

hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He

takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the

stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes

a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and

falls into bed.


The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of

coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last

night ?'


Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' ****ed. But how'd you know?'


'Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.'

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Old 25-01-2014, 14:35   #3118
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Re: The Joke Thread

In hindsight, I probably should have posted on the forum 'I've blown the head gasket on my 1998 Ford Xr3' rather than 'I just f#*ked a 14 year old escort!'.
The police haven't seen the funny side of it and confiscated my laptop.
News isn't all bad though as the wife has gone to stay with her mother for the forseeable future

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Old 25-01-2014, 14:37   #3119
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Re: The Joke Thread

A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a picture of his wife.
The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"

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Old 25-01-2014, 14:38   #3120
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Re: The Joke Thread

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'
Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma,it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'

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