The Joke Thread

[shorebird]

Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate

^^^^^

We once met someone who thought the Auckland Harbor Bridge goes from Auckland to Sydney. Geographically uninformed Yank, it was.

Ann

Three Canadian.s are sitting in a small town bar in the southern US. Some local Yanks notice the strangers, and wonder who they are, so they finally send a guy over to ask.
"So where are you boys from?" asks the American.
"Edmonton, Alberta" says the first Canuck.
"Flin-Flon, Manitoba" says the second.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," replies the third.
The American heads back to his table without saying a word. His friends ask "So where's those boys from?"
"Dunno," he says, "they don't speak any English."

[avb3]

Originally Posted by shorebird

Three Canadian.s are sitting in a small town bar in the southern US. Some local Yanks notice the strangers, and wonder who they are, so they finally send a guy over to ask.
"So where are you boys from?" asks the American.
"Edmonton, Alberta" says the first Canuck.
"Flin-Flon, Manitoba" says the second.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," replies the third.
The American heads back to his table without saying a word. His friends ask "So where's those boys from?"
"Dunno," he says, "they don't speak any English."

Not bad, but as a Canadian formerly from Edmonton and living in the southern states for six months of the year, I can tell you the good old boys and girls would be highly offended by anyone referring to them as Yanks.

And a few of those good old boys have a rather unique perspective on the English language, eh. I mean, I listened to a rather engaging conversation of the correct grammatical use of "y'all" and "all y'all".

There isn't a Yank alive who would comprehend that.

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by avb3

And a few of those good old boys have a rather unique perspective on the English language, eh. I mean, I listened to a rather engaging conversation of the correct grammatical use of "y'all" and "all y'all".

Being from Massachusetts I had to laugh when I was in the military and a group of southern boys speaking in a VERY thick southern drawl looked me straight in the eye and said "you talk funny." It took everything I had not to fall on the ground laughing

[avb3]

If you want to try to understand the incomprehensible, try following this Newfie's yarn. I've met this guy... He is NOT drunk... He just talks that way. Funny, funny stuff.

http://youtu.be/KjLVBDJUZ1U

Can you imagine the conversation between him, a Cajun and an Aussie?

[avb3]

Here is another classic by him...

http://youtu.be/xGPBzzR4T7w

[avb3]

No explanation needed

[sailorboy1]

Heard that Willie Nelson visited Denver yesterday. Today all the pot shops report supply problems.

[Coops]

Ever wondered what we mods were like as babies?

Devil Baby Attack - YouTube

Coops.

[captain58sailin]

The difference between a northern girl and a southern girl? Northern girl says "You can". southern girl says "Ya'll can".

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

The difference between a northern girl and a southern girl? Northern girl says "You can". southern girl says "Ya'll can".

Why do you think there are so many military bases in the south.

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

Being from Massachusetts I had to laugh when I was in the military and a group of southern boys speaking in a VERY thick southern drawl looked me straight in the eye and said "you talk funny." It took everything I had not to fall on the ground laughing

Y'all do talk funny! Last I checked there are r's in the English language.
Having said that when I first moved here I did learn to just say OK if I had to ask someone to repeat more than 3 times ....

[avb3]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

Y'all do talk funny! Last I checked there are r's in the English language.
Having said that when I first moved here I did learn to just say OK if I had to ask someone to repeat more than 3 times ....

I've always been intrigued as to why DC is pronounced "War-shing-ton" by so many from the N.E.

It's right up there with the shingles on the "ruff".

It makes y'all wonder, right? (And of those of you from down by southern Alabama, I know it's all y'all.)

Now it's aboot time we all understood each other, eh?

[ontherocks83]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

Y'all do talk funny! Last I checked there are r's in the English language.
Having said that when I first moved here I did learn to just say OK if I had to ask someone to repeat more than 3 times ....

We just talk so much fastah we have to be efficient in what we say so the r's get skipped ovah. I.e. its is much faster to say "khakis" rather then "car keys". See how smat we ah

[jeanathon]

Keeping the southern theme....
Southern Talk

A real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas . Sitting in a cocktail lounge,
he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly
lady. Can ah be persuaden y'all to give me a piece of ass?

"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then
she looked around the room, smiled and said, "Sure, why not? You're an
attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip
away up to your room?"

When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and
the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did
for me. It was real sweet and right neighborly of y'all. But where ah come from in
Alabama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink."

[OutOfControl]

Q: What do you call a southern girl who can run faster than her brothers?
A: A Virgin

Highlight area after A: to reveal answer