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Old 15-12-2013, 20:39   #2941
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yowieboy View Post
Hate to be a spoilsport (why does everyone who says that really love to be a spoilsport?), but the Japanese in that joke is complete gobbledegook.
Ah well, I guess it doesn't really matter...
Yeah, I figured that out when I tried Google Translate.... er... whoops.
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Old 15-12-2013, 22:15   #2942
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
At least we know who to turn to for translations now.
Sure, anytime Coops. Just be aware that I don't do Strine...
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Old 16-12-2013, 21:40   #2943
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Re: The Joke Thread

OoHhh That hurts!

A drunk man who smelled like beer
sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking
out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his
newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man
turned to the priest sitting across from him
and asked, 'Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's
caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much
alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes
and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response,
'Well, I'll be doggone'
Then returned to
his paper.

The priest, thinking about what
he had said, nudged the man's knee
and apologized. 'I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here
that the Pope does.'



MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the
answer.
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Old 16-12-2013, 22:05   #2944
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Re: The Joke Thread

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two cartons of "COOPERS PALE ALE" cheap at the local bottle shop.

I placed the cartons on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two cartons of beer, leaned over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy swedish accent, "Nice vehicle, but I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ...

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"


She should learn to barter with an Aussie..

Coops.
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Old 16-12-2013, 22:14   #2945
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
She should learn to barter with an Aussie..

Coops.
This bill board should be in Oz.


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Old 16-12-2013, 22:17   #2946
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two cartons of "COOPERS PALE ALE" cheap at the local bottle shop.

I placed the cartons on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two cartons of beer, leaned over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy swedish accent, "Nice vehicle, but I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ...

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"


She should learn to barter with an Aussie..

Coops.
Now if those had been James Squire....
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Old 16-12-2013, 22:17   #2947
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
This bill board should be in Oz.


.
If you drink and drive, you're a bl--dy idiot.
If you make it home, you're a legend!
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Old 16-12-2013, 22:23   #2948
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Re: The Joke Thread

If drinking and driving is illegal, then why do bars have parking lots?
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Old 16-12-2013, 22:23   #2949
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Re: The Joke Thread

> Sure, anytime Coops. Just be aware that I don't do Strine

OK then, what really is the Japanese for "Wrong Hole!"
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Old 16-12-2013, 22:30   #2950
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by StuM View Post
> Sure, anytime Coops. Just be aware that I don't do Strine

OK then, what really is the Japanese for "Wrong Hole!"
In china the word for homosexual is wong ho.

And you can buy the magazines at........


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Old 16-12-2013, 23:01   #2951
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Re: The Joke Thread

Ah... the Kowloon bookshop....

In Hong Kong back in the dreamtime.... sung to the tune for 'Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam'

Me no likee British sailor
Me no likee him at all
Yankee sailor call me 'Darling'
British sailor call me dirty whore...

Me no likee Aussie sailor
Me no likee him at all
Yankee sailor **** me one time
Aussie sailor **** me all night long.....
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Old 17-12-2013, 07:58   #2952
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Re: The Joke Thread

The Barber

A Guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half' .

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said....

'Your house'
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Old 17-12-2013, 09:50   #2953
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GILow View Post

Yeah, I figured that out when I tried Google Translate.... er... whoops.
You bothered sending Terry's joke through Google translate , you have waaaaay too time on your hands lol

Dave
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Old 17-12-2013, 10:40   #2954
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by StuM View Post
> Sure, anytime Coops. Just be aware that I don't do Strine

OK then, what really is the Japanese for "Wrong Hole!"
Well, translation is all about context, you know. Care to elaborate, or provide an illustration...?

Off the cuff, I'd say, 穴が違うよ! (ana ga chigau yo!)

Ah, just did a net search and found the joke that you probably are referring to. "Gama Su!" ain't it, I can tell you that.
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Old 18-12-2013, 19:51   #2955
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Re: The Joke Thread

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
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