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Old 08-12-2013, 18:26   #2896
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Re: The Joke Thread

Sorry Son
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Old 08-12-2013, 18:56   #2897
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Re: The Joke Thread

Sorry, My dam dog always gets in the way.
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Old 08-12-2013, 19:43   #2898
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Re: The Joke Thread

It's just great being out on the boat.
Well, until uncle Bob wants to come along.
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Old 08-12-2013, 20:22   #2899
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Re: The Joke Thread

Wow, Finally got a great family picture down on the beach.
Can't wait to post this one on Facebook. Just so excited.
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Old 08-12-2013, 20:35   #2900
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Re: The Joke Thread

My Daughter just loves to take the dogs for a run on the beach.
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Old 09-12-2013, 07:29   #2901
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Re: The Joke Thread

Dilbert
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Old 09-12-2013, 14:30   #2902
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Re: The Joke Thread

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and is sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a
Very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your
Prostate today, but this new procedure is a little
Different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees,
then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,
'99'.
The old guy obeys and says,
"99".
The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side
and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,
'99".
Again, the old guy says,
'99'."
The doctor said, “Very good”.
Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees
Raised slightly.
I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with
the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis
to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say,
'99'.
The old guy begins,
"One...
two…
three…"


You don't stop laughing because you grow old.

You grow old because you stop laughing!
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Old 09-12-2013, 17:09   #2903
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Re: The Joke Thread

Christmas is has arrived for Santa, and as with every year there is a last minute rush of elves loading the sleigh, Mrs Claus packing a thermos of tea and general running around.

Minutes before he is ready to leave, the sleigh is loaded to the gunnels, the elves have tied down the last of the load, suddenly there is a knock at the door. They open the door to find an official looking man with a clipboard holding out a badge and saying "FAA inspector, I'm here for a pre-flight safety inspection!".

Well, this is a bit of a first for Santa, but he's always one to obey the rules so he stands by dutifully as the FAA man carefully inspects the harness, checking the condition of each of the buckles, the suppleness of the leather, measuring the frequency and volume of the bells and finally tests Rudolph's nose brightness with a portable light meter.

He seems satisfied, but turns to Santa and says, "One last job, pilot proficiency test."

Santa is a bit nervous, he got his license years ago, but he steps up into the sleigh and the FAA man sits down beside him.

Just as they are ready to set off, Santa glances across at the FAA man and is startled to see that he appears to be holding a shotgun.

"What is that for!?" exclaims Santa.

"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell you..." says the FAA man, " but you are going to lose an engine on takeoff."
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Old 09-12-2013, 18:06   #2904
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GILow View Post
Christmas is has arrived for Santa, and as with every year there is a last minute rush of elves loading the sleigh, Mrs Claus packing a thermos of tea and general running around.

Minutes before he is ready to leave, the sleigh is loaded to the gunnels, the elves have tied down the last of the load, suddenly there is a knock at the door. They open the door to find an official looking man with a clipboard holding out a badge and saying "FAA inspector, I'm here for a pre-flight safety inspection!".

Well, this is a bit of a first for Santa, but he's always one to obey the rules so he stands by dutifully as the FAA man carefully inspects the harness, checking the condition of each of the buckles, the suppleness of the leather, measuring the frequency and volume of the bells and finally tests Rudolph's nose brightness with a portable light meter.

He seems satisfied, but turns to Santa and says, "One last job, pilot proficiency test."

Santa is a bit nervous, he got his license years ago, but he steps up into the sleigh and the FAA man sits down beside him.

Just as they are ready to set off, Santa glances across at the FAA man and is startled to see that he appears to be holding a shotgun.

"What is that for!?" exclaims Santa.

"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell you..." says the FAA man, " but you are going to lose an engine on takeoff."
He's fallen into this group>>> War on the Little Guy

And the CF forum may be next.
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Old 09-12-2013, 18:18   #2905
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called Fact Hunt.

Coops.
I just peed my pants on thefact hunt.
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Old 10-12-2013, 06:11   #2906
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GILow
Christmas is has arrived for Santa, and as with every year there is a last minute rush of elves loading the sleigh, Mrs Claus packing a thermos of tea and general running around.

Minutes before he is ready to leave, the sleigh is loaded to the gunnels, the elves have tied down the last of the load, suddenly there is a knock at the door. They open the door to find an official looking man with a clipboard holding out a badge and saying "FAA inspector, I'm here for a pre-flight safety inspection!".

Well, this is a bit of a first for Santa, but he's always one to obey the rules so he stands by dutifully as the FAA man carefully inspects the harness, checking the condition of each of the buckles, the suppleness of the leather, measuring the frequency and volume of the bells and finally tests Rudolph's nose brightness with a portable light meter.

He seems satisfied, but turns to Santa and says, "One last job, pilot proficiency test."

Santa is a bit nervous, he got his license years ago, but he steps up into the sleigh and the FAA man sits down beside him.

Just as they are ready to set off, Santa glances across at the FAA man and is startled to see that he appears to be holding a shotgun.

"What is that for!?" exclaims Santa.

"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell you..." says the FAA man, " but you are going to lose an engine on takeoff."
Spewed my coffee!
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Old 10-12-2013, 06:54   #2907
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Re: The Joke Thread

The Fact Hunt got me too!!!!

Thanks Coops!
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Old 10-12-2013, 07:27   #2908
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Re: The Joke Thread

Well, that's about the biggest joke I ever heard about sailors and sailing in general!

They say 27% of "sailors" NEVER use sails!

Devils!

Latest Survey Shows 27% of Sailors Never Use Sails When on Water

Who would EVER hate sailing!?

Croatia Total Split - One In Four Charter Sailors Hate To Sail

What do you think? Are we really just full of it?
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Old 10-12-2013, 14:37   #2909
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Re: The Joke Thread

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken ran up and said "don't do it, you'll never hear the end of it"

Coops.
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Old 10-12-2013, 16:54   #2910
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Re: The Joke Thread

I love to pamper my wife after she's had a stressful day at work. I get her to text me when she's leaving so I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so the moment she walks through the door the dishes are piled up and waiting for her.

Coops.
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