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Old 13-08-2013, 15:55   #2236
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Re: The Joke Thread

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne
Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Maynard was admitted in
Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."


Coops.
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Old 13-08-2013, 21:21   #2237
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Re: The Joke Thread

Here is an English lesson!!

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, we noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.

For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Is everybody clear on that?
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Old 14-08-2013, 06:29   #2238
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Re: The Joke Thread

"Re: The Joke Thread
Today we have a lesson on "Irony"

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U. S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing
this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U. S. Department of the Interior, asks us,

"Please Do Not Feed the Animals."

Their stated reason for this policy is because,

"The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."

Thus ends today's lesson in IRONY.

T1 Terry"


This is the joke forum. What get's posted here is supposed to be funny. Am I missing something.
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Old 14-08-2013, 07:06   #2239
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[QUOTE Am I missing something.[/QUOTE]

Yes.
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Old 14-08-2013, 07:08   #2240
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Apparently
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Old 14-08-2013, 07:35   #2241
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Re: The Joke Thread

http://www.yachtforums.com/forums/at...20054536_n-jpg
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Old 14-08-2013, 09:44   #2242
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Krogensailor View Post
This is the joke forum. What get's posted here is supposed to be funny. Am I missing something.
Don't ya know? That humor is based on human tragedy or error?
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Old 14-08-2013, 10:43   #2243
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Re: The Joke Thread

Something is usually funny because it is true.
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Old 14-08-2013, 14:02   #2244
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by carstenb View Post
almost fits .. but if you are raising the french flag shouldn't you be opening a bottle of wine not a beer?
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Old 14-08-2013, 16:02   #2245
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Brilliant!
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Old 14-08-2013, 16:12   #2246
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Krogensailor View Post
"Re: The Joke Thread
Today we have a lesson on "Irony"

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U. S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing
this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U. S. Department of the Interior, asks us,

"Please Do Not Feed the Animals."

Their stated reason for this policy is because,

"The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."

Thus ends today's lesson in IRONY.

T1 Terry"

This is the joke forum. What get's posted here is supposed to be funny. Am I missing something.
Maybe a sense of humor, or a rodeo mask
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Old 14-08-2013, 16:16   #2247
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capttman

Maybe a sense of humor, or a rodeo mask
Haha. I haven't seen it but the clown bit sounded humurous.
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Old 14-08-2013, 23:29   #2248
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Re: The Joke Thread

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess
I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Aldi's. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Aldi's.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Aldi's."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Aldi's, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Aldi

T1 Terry
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Old 15-08-2013, 02:23   #2249
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Re: The Joke Thread

Anyone know about MSD's (Material Data Sheets) are all harzardous materials supposed to come with them? After an exhaustive Goolgle seearch this was all I could find
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Old 15-08-2013, 02:32   #2250
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by T1 Terry View Post
Anyone know about MSD's (Material Data Sheets) are all harzardous materials supposed to come with them? After an exhaustive Goolgle seearch this was all I could find
Tired of life? There are easier ways of committing suicide than posting this where sailors of the fairer sex will see it. Let the flaming begin
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