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Old 13-03-2013, 15:20   #1981
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Re: The Joke Thread

A silly/funny little video to make you smile.

Never underestimate the power of a plucky little pony. [VIDEO]

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Old 13-03-2013, 15:48   #1982
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Re: The Joke Thread

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
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Old 13-03-2013, 15:49   #1983
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Re: The Joke Thread

Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
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Old 13-03-2013, 16:05   #1984
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Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
We used to know that one about a drummer. The other one was,"What's the difference between a drummer and a pig?' "The pig won't stay up all night for a chance to do the drummer"

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Old 13-03-2013, 19:36   #1985
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Re: The Joke Thread

Nice....i lol when i read it on the computrr before posting....my wife and i were on a roadtrip...i had her reading the jokes outloud from this thread and we got some good laughs.

This thread is one of my favorites.
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Old 14-03-2013, 13:10   #1986
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Re: The Joke Thread

The paperless future>>>> The Paperless Future - "Emma"
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Old 14-03-2013, 16:09   #1987
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Re: The Joke Thread

Click image for larger version

Name:	<a title=funny pic.jpg Views: 306 Size: 28.8 KB ID: 57025" style="margin: 2px" />
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Old 14-03-2013, 21:26   #1988
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Re: The Joke Thread

I told this one to a guy I used to know. He was a real nice guy and owned his own business. He had used to be a biker (and supposedly an enforcer or something) so a "biker". I looked at him and asked do you know the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? He looked at me with a look. I said the location of the dirt bag.... He had the most dumb founded look on his face and the rest of the day kept saying "I cant believe you said that to me". It's a good thing he had a good sense of humor, but in my defense I had known him for about a year by then. But we weren't that close.
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Old 15-03-2013, 01:54   #1989
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Re: The Joke Thread

Gandhi was a great spiritual leader! Frail through fasting, toughened feet through walking barefoot with bad breath from his vegetarian diet. He was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis...

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Old 15-03-2013, 03:21   #1990
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Re: The Joke Thread

An even worse one......


Now that we have need of a new Pope, it should be revealed that a particularly qualified and distinguished man may not be selected, though some (not all) insiders at the Vatican say he is an ideal contender. Here's his story...

Bishop Hans Grapje was raised by Dutch immigrant parents. He attended a Catholic school in Boston. As a young man, he aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the army during WWII. He spent two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot until, in 1943, his aircraft was shot down and he lost his left arm.

While a POW, Hans spent the remainder of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual advice and last rights to dying soldiers, allied and enemy. He was renowned for his ecumenical tenderness and compassion. After the war, Grapje became a priest and served as a missionary throughout Africa. In spite of his handicap, he was noted for piloting his own bush plane into the deepest, most primitive villages to spread the church's message and charity to the impoverished.

In 1997, then Archbishop Grapje was serving at an outpost in Zimbabwe when an explosion in one of the country's vast silver mines caused a catastrophic cave-in. The archbishop, in spite of his age and infirmity, went down into several of the shafts to administer last rights to those who would never escape. He was in one of these shafts when it partially caved in, trapping him and several rescuers. Although he was rescued three days later, he suffered several painful injuries, including one that cost him his right eye. Additionally, the silver content in the shaft's air supply had poisoned him, causing his skin to take an indigo hue - a condition known as purpura - that persists to this day.

Although the Cardinal has devoted, and indeed risked, his life in the service of God for nearly 70 years, as a scholar, a mentor, and the epitome of a holy man, church politics preclude his ascension to the Papacy.

Church leaders have made it clear they don't want a one-eyed, one armed, flying, purple, Papal leader.

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Old 15-03-2013, 03:49   #1991
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Re: The Joke Thread

...and continuing with Coops' Catholic theme...

Each Friday night after work,Ole would fire up his outdoor grill on the shore of Big Stone Lake and cook a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors were Catholic... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over Ortonvill all the way to Clinton , and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran, and raised a Lutheran, but now you are a Catholic."

Ole's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors,and, as he rushed into Ole's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement...

There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer, you vuz raised a deer, but now you is a walleye."
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Old 15-03-2013, 13:15   #1992
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Re: The Joke Thread

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I told this one to a guy I used to know. He was a real nice guy and owned his own business. He had used to be a biker (and supposedly an enforcer or something) so a "biker". I looked at him and asked do you know the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? He looked at me with a look. I said the location of the dirt bag.... He had the most dumb founded look on his face and the rest of the day kept saying "I cant believe you said that to me". It's a good thing he had a good sense of humor, but in my defense I had known him for about a year by then. But we weren't that close.
Hay, come on, Harley's are great bikes, 98% of all Harleys are still on the road.....The other 2% made it home.

A chicken was walking around the farm one day and saw a horse stuck in the mud. The chick runs into the barn and gets the farmers Harley to pull the horse out. The horse is greatfull and says that he is very indebted to the chick. Well, as luck would have it just two days later the chick was stuck in the mud and the horse found him. The horse straddled the mud and told the chick to grab on to what was hanging there and he saved the chick.

Moral of the story...You don't need a Harley to pick up chicks if you're hung like a horse.
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Old 15-03-2013, 22:13   #1993
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Hay, come on, Harley's are great bikes, 98% of all Harleys are still on the road.....The other 2% made it home.
Next time I see him I gotta tell him that one so if I suddenly am never heard from again.. you gotta support my family.
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Old 16-03-2013, 03:49   #1994
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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side!
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Old 16-03-2013, 07:55   #1995
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side!
Bazinga!
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