Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 11 votes, 4.45 average. Display Modes
Old 08-01-2013, 18:32   #1846
Moderator Emeritus
 
Coops's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern NSW.Australia
Boat: Sunmaid 20, John Welsford Navigator
Posts: 9,550
Re: The Joke Thread

A funny vid, especially for the musos amongst us.

Life as a recording engineer. [VIDEO]

Coops.
__________________

__________________
When somebody told me that I was delusional, I almost fell off of my unicorn.
Coops is offline  
Old 09-01-2013, 00:29   #1847
Registered User
 
Rhapsody-NS27's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: VA, boat: Deale, MD
Boat: 1981 Nor'sea 27
Posts: 1,409
Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
A funny vid, especially for the musos amongst us.

Life as a recording engineer. [VIDEO]

Coops.
Too Funny! I'm sending that one to some friends.
__________________

__________________
Daniel - Rhapsody Blog,
“A sailor’s joys are as simple as a child’s.” — Bernard Moitessier
"I don't need therapy, I just need my boat"
Rhapsody-NS27 is offline  
Old 09-01-2013, 13:34   #1848
Registered User

Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Thailand
Boat: Seeker 42
Posts: 63
Send a message via Skype™ to Underdog
Seniors birthday

My Dad turned 84 recently. I thought I would get him something different for his birthday present, and hired a hooker to turn up on the day at his place.

She arrived, in low cut clinging clothes and when he answered the door she said "I'm here to give you super sex."

Dad thought about it for a bit and then said "I'll have the soup."
__________________
Underdog is offline  
Old 09-01-2013, 14:13   #1849
Moderator Emeritus
 
Coops's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern NSW.Australia
Boat: Sunmaid 20, John Welsford Navigator
Posts: 9,550
Re: The Joke Thread

"If someone from the early 1900's suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?"

"I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entire volume of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers."

Coops.
__________________
When somebody told me that I was delusional, I almost fell off of my unicorn.
Coops is offline  
Old 09-01-2013, 14:54   #1850
Senior Cruiser
 
skipmac's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: 29° 49.16’ N 82° 25.82’ W
Boat: Pearson 422
Posts: 12,388
Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
"If someone from the early 1900's suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?"

"I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entire volume of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers."

Coops.
Now that is hilarious, probably because there is a more than a little truth in it.
__________________
The water is always bluer on the other side of the ocean.
skipmac is offline  
Old 10-01-2013, 08:29   #1851
Moderator Emeritus
 
Ex-Calif's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Singapore
Boat: Maxi 77 - Relax Lah!
Posts: 11,514
Images: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coops View Post
"If someone from the early 1900's suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?"

"I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entire volume of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers."

Coops.
"Pictures of cats" - Yeah. Uh, huh. Sure...
__________________
Relax Lah! is For Sale <--- Click
Click--> Custom CF Google Search or CF Rules
You're gonna need a bigger boat... - Martin Brody
Ex-Calif is offline  
Old 10-01-2013, 08:40   #1852
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 280
Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Calif View Post
"Pictures of cats" - Yeah. Uh, huh. Sure...
Well, either cats or female kittens!!! :P
__________________
MehmetCan is offline  
Old 16-01-2013, 01:05   #1853
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Now in Blaine, WA
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,702
Images: 122
Re: The Joke Thread

Young Boy: Captain, you sure do have a big stomach!

Captain: Listen kid, that's not a big stomach!

It just happens to be lots of freeboard.
.................................................. ..........................

Boatyards are to boats as beauty parlors are to women.
Either can make an entirely new one, or just patch up what's looking old.

.................................................. .........................

Murphy sure had the best of me today. Even my ship in a bottle sunk.

.................................................. ..........................

Larry: You know, it took me two months to make up my mind to marry my wife. But it took a whole year to decide what boat to buy.

Bob: Yep! Buying a boat is serious business!

.................................................. ...........................

Name on the transom of a powerboat; "Student Driver"

.................................................. ...........................

Just got through doing the weekly maintenance and I only found one thing worn out.............Me!
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
delmarrey is offline  
Old 16-01-2013, 04:37   #1854
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland, French canals/Med/Spain
Boat: Birchwood Centre Cockpit 33, Broom Shannon Class 42 flybridge.
Posts: 476
Re: The Joke Thread

Paddy left Ireland and flew to America to visit his cousin, as he was coming out of the terminal a shifty coloured fella sidled up to him and said 'You want some **** man' Paddy says 'No thanks I live on a farm and we've tons of **** back home'.

Later he's walking down the street and he gets took short and is desperate for the toilet so he pops into a hospital and pleads with the lady on reception to let him use the toilet, she says' It's not a public facility and I can't. By this time Paddy's near crying and says Please Maa'm I'm desperate and near touching cloth.
The lady relents and shows him the toilet and points to a row of buttons on the wall and explains what they're for.

SF soft music,
WS warm seat,
WA warm air,
WWF warm water flush,

The nurse said 'Paddy DO NOT touch this button here marked TR' !

As he closes the door he calls out 'Thank you Maam for your kindness'

He sits in superb comfort and does the business and thinks to himself 'These Yanks sure have all the comforts' he just can't resist playing with the buttons, Music on, then off, Warm air blowing gently round his ass, Warm water genty carressing his nether regions. When he's finished messing around with the buttons he just can't resist pushing the one marked TR.

When Paddy wakes up later his heads spinning and he looks up at the Doctor standing beside his bed, 'Holy Mother of God where am I' says Paddy
The Doctor replies 'The nurse told you not to touch any other buttons didn't she ?' 'That's right said Paddy What was the one marked TR for anyway ?'
The Doctor said ' That button is for Tampax removal, you are in male surgical and your balls are under your pillow !.
__________________
Irish rambler is offline  
Old 16-01-2013, 22:36   #1855
Registered User
 
sctpc's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne Australia
Boat: saga kan walker 31ft
Posts: 545
Send a message via Skype™ to sctpc
Re: The Joke Thread

***Not The Joke You Expecting***

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
" Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know ****?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
__________________
May there always be water under your boat,

sctpc is offline  
Old 16-01-2013, 22:48   #1856
Registered User
 
Nessus's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 69
Re: The Joke Thread

Two whales are swimming along when they see a whaling ship.

Upset with what they see one of the whale devises a plan.

First whale says to the second whale I'm going to swim under that boat and use my blow hole to blow the boat over. Once that's done and the whalers are in the water you eat em.

Second whale says, well I'll do the blowjob part but I ain't eating no seamem
__________________
Nessus is offline  
Old 17-01-2013, 00:57   #1857
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Now in Blaine, WA
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,702
Images: 122
Re: The Joke Thread

Found this in the "Men seeking Woman" of the personal ads.


Ahoy Thar Matie!

Been at sea for a spell. Was Shanghi'd aboard a weathered ketch with a fresh paint job, carrying a small crew.

Thought I was going for a cruise and willing to do my share to keep the sails full and on course.

We hit some rough seas and she stared lose'n fasteners and part'n sheets. Then squeak'n and grown'n she required more maintenance, rig'n and shoring to keep her afloat.

The storm got worse! She broached, split up & went down fast. Hardly had time to escape the whirlpool.

So, here I am cast a drift hope'n some big shark doesn't come along & mistake me for chum.

I'm sending out an SOS and been scanning the horizons for a seaworthy vessel with smooth lines and secure hatches, with her Captain at the helm and able to fair heavy weather and the heat.

Each day is a new adventure! So, may the winds be at your back, and watch for the light in the darkness. It could be this first mate!
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
delmarrey is offline  
Old 17-01-2013, 01:34   #1858
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Now in Blaine, WA
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,702
Images: 122
Re: The Joke Thread

Learn Chinese in 2 Minutes

Are you harboring a fugitive? ....................................... Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP .................................................. .............Kum Hia Nao

Stupid man .................................................. .................Dum Gai

Small horse .................................................. ................Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high! .................................................. No Bai Dam Ding!

Did you go to the beach? ............................................Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table ........................................Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift ...........................................Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here .................................................. ..Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? ....................................Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution .........................Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet? .....................................Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone .............................................No Pah King

Do you know the Macarena? .................................Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

You are not very bright! .............................................Yu So Dum!

I got this for free .................................................. .......Ai No Pei

I am not guilty .................................................. ........... Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer .........................................Wai Go Nao

Our meeting was scheduled for next week ...............Wai Yu Kum Nao?

They have arrived .................................................. ..Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight .................................................. .......Lei Lo

He’s cleaning his car ................................................Wa Shing Ka

Your body oder is offensive .................................Yu Stin Ki Pu

Pew! Does this bathroom stink ...........................Hu Flung Dung?


And to learn more here is a good book store...............


.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	wongs_books.jpeg
Views:	132
Size:	46.9 KB
ID:	52983  
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
delmarrey is offline  
Old 17-01-2013, 06:34   #1859
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Niagara on the Lake Canada
Posts: 147
Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post

EDITED

.

I believe a certain stereotypical accent is also required. You don't mention the accent.That is very important, so as to not seem to be a foreigner.
__________________
justlearnin is offline  
Old 19-01-2013, 13:07   #1860
Registered User
 
Mexdon's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Mexico City
Boat: CR 56 CC to be built 2014 2015
Posts: 455
Send a message via Skype™ to Mexdon
Re: The Joke Thread

As requested by Woodsy on another thread here is my signature posted in perpetuity

When I was a boy my momma would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs. Can't do that now, too many f**kn security cameras.
__________________

__________________
When I was a boy my momma would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and 6 eggs. Can't do that now, too many f**kn security cameras.
Mexdon is offline  
Closed Thread

Tags
Jokes, paracelle

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:49.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.