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Old 01-01-2013, 18:20   #1831
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Re: The Joke Thread

I was thining I should post this in the thread about "Manson Supreme in Weed" but those guys might be offended.
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Old 01-01-2013, 18:28   #1832
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicholson58 View Post
I was thining I should post this in the thread about "Manson Supreme in Weed" but those guys might be offended.
not offended ........................................... but sad
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Old 01-01-2013, 18:36   #1833
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
Just trying to be humorous. Go here>>. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twink_(gay_slang)

That's cool. Never heard it before, now i know. Have to say that i would not mind being thought of as young and good looking. I am not gay but have been called it many times by homophobes that i have worked with if i defend the gay lifestyle. I always ask them why they think i would take that as an insult. I am amused by their strange and illogical reasons about why they hate them and i just love to argue. Passes the day at work.

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Old 01-01-2013, 22:20   #1834
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Carnacisms...
Remember Johnny Carson doing Carnac the Magnificent?
What's your favorite one-liner from Carnac?

Carnac: "Do-whacka-Do"
The question: What to look for when you're hunting Do-Whackas.

Carnac: "Old wives tale"
The question: what do cannibals find hard to digest.

Carnac:"Scalliwags"
The question: What does youre scalli do when it's happy?

Carnac: "Flypaper"
The question: What do young wrap a zipper in?


That should get young started....
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Old 02-01-2013, 00:49   #1835
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicholson58 View Post
I was thining I should post this in the thread about "Manson Supreme in Weed" but those guys might be offended.
In the place where this guy was living, it should say "My Poppies"
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:19   #1836
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Re: The Joke Thread

A little boy went up to his granny and asked her 'Granny, can you make a noise like a frog ?' the Granny replied 'Why's that son ?' and the boy said 'Cos my dad says when you croak it, we're all going to Disneyland !'
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Old 02-01-2013, 10:22   #1837
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Homeless Man's Funeral

Homeless Man's Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director
to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or
friends, so the service was to be at a pauper 's cemetery in the Nova Scotia
back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and,being a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone
and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew
left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for
being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
already in place. I didn 't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out
my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like
I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept,
we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started
for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never
seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for
twenty years."

Apparently I 'm still lost....it 's a man thing.
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Old 02-01-2013, 14:56   #1838
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Re: The Joke Thread

Well I have had another terrible lesson...
How best to explain it?
Oh, what a tangled language English is and how easy it is to misconstrue;

I took a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later we went on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as I dropped her at her door I stared into her beautiful big brown eyes and says 'I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'

She agrees and a date is made.
The next night after a shower and shave and wearing my best clothes I knocked on her door and when she opens it she slapped me hard across the face. I was stunned. 'What was that for?' I asked.

She said 'I looked up beautiful climbing rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said,

"Best suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in an open bed.'

Well, I've learnt to pick my words better in future!

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Old 02-01-2013, 15:00   #1839
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Re: The Joke Thread

Old fella with very wrinkly face goes to the barber and says " I cant seem to shave between these wrinkles can you help me?"
Barber says "Sure..it's easy". He reaches into a drawer and gets out a small ball and tells the old guy to put it in his mouth and round the cheek out for shaving.

"Really great," Says the old guy, "works a treat. But what If I accidentally swallow it?"

"No problems," says the barber," just bring it back in a few days time like everyone else does."


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Old 02-01-2013, 19:03   #1840
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Re: The Joke Thread

Paddy says to Mick,"You know, Christmas is on a friday this year"

Mick says,"Well then, let's hope that it is not the thirteenth"

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Old 03-01-2013, 12:57   #1841
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by delmarrey View Post
Therapy, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

What is up with that?
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Old 03-01-2013, 13:02   #1842
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Therapy View Post
Therapy, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

What is up with that?
The mods are reviewing the thread and perhaps culling out offending material. If it bad enough the will close the thread to new additions, or delete it altogether.
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Old 03-01-2013, 16:26   #1843
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Originally Posted by Adelie View Post
The mods are reviewing the thread and perhaps culling out offending material. If it bad enough the will close the thread to new additions, or delete it altogether.
I'm sure it's gone forever! Not much good info in any of the 10 or so posts.
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Old 03-01-2013, 17:11   #1844
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Re: The Joke Thread

A very drunk Yank was in a pub in England and decided to try his luck with the two women next to him.

"You ladies have a wonderful accent... Are you from Ireland?"

The rather proper (sober) ladies become indignant and explain, "we are from Wales!"

A tad confused the Yank kills off his pint and says, "I'm sorry, are you to whales from Ireland?"
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Old 06-01-2013, 00:44   #1845
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Re: The Joke Thread

What's the funest way to put out a boat fire?

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