The Joke Thread

[Coops]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

I met this very kinky chick. She wanted to make love in a bath of milk. As I prepareed to fill the tub I asked, "Pasteurized?"

She replied, "No. Just past my boobs. I can splash my eyes."

Ah the good ones keep coming round don't they? Listen to verse two.

Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) - YouTube

Coops.

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by Coops

Ah the good ones keep coming round don't they? Listen to verse two.



Coops.

I tried watching Benny Hill on Netflix recently. He was way funnier when I was 12 - LOL.

His sketch comedy is dated but his songs are timeless.

[Coops]

Agree totally, cannot watch his old shows now, very passe. Your joke just reminded me of him that's all.

What do you reckon this penguin says when he gets back on his feet then?

Penguin slips on the ice resulting in an adorable sound. [VIDEO]

Coops.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Coops

Ah the good ones keep coming round don't they? Listen to verse two.

Coops.

Too bad! Can't watch here in the USA.

[Coops]

Wow, you guys have some problems with this. Go to Youtube, "Benny Hill. Ernie The fastest Milkman in the west". Perhaps you can find one that the restrictions on broadcasting are not so severe.

Coops.

[delmarrey]

The USA version.

Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) - YouTube

[Nicholson58]

Originally Posted by Lajos

I did 6 months in Japan, teaching English... They have allot of trouble with the "L" and "R" pronunciation, I had 2 phrases that would make them practice: "in my car, I drive on the Road but if I carry a box and drop it, I drop a Load"... Or; "I have a red pen and I have Led in my pencil"..... For some reason this would crack up the other teachers....

I had a Chinese professor who taught machine design. It took a while to understand that a foubahrink was a "four bar link" and paryerr rines were Lines equidistant apart.

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by Coops

Agree totally, cannot watch his old shows now, very passe. Your joke just reminded me of him that's all.

What do you reckon this penguin says when he gets back on his feet then?

Penguin slips on the ice resulting in an adorable sound. [VIDEO]

Coops.

A dork penguin - very good!

[Coops]

That is so funny Delmarrey, you can't see mine and i can't see yours, so that is one game off the table then.

Coops.

[Therapy]

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed
by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.

[guyfromiowa]

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine.

Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.

[Johnathon123]

Me thinks Therapy and Guy from Iowa are subscribed to the same "joke of the day" email list :-))

Nice joke though

[lookoutnw]

Well, if you figure out what to do with the cab, I got a city bus that needs to go away....

[nes]

Donald & Daisy



Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.


The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"


Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.


"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.


The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"


"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"


You smiled ...... I saw you!!.......ok...now you can't wait to send it someone else
who needs a smile......

[Redcoat]

Question: Is sex Work?

A U.S.Marine Colonel was about to start the morning
briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

...He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

God Bless the enlisted man