Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 11 votes, 4.45 average. Display Modes
Old 09-12-2012, 09:24   #1756
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,848
Re: The Joke Thread

When my wife and I have sex we always do it twice............................................. ..................I like the time in the winter the best
__________________

__________________
motion30 is offline  
Old 10-12-2012, 06:14   #1757
Moderator Emeritus
 
Ex-Calif's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Singapore
Boat: Maxi 77 - Relax Lah!
Posts: 11,514
Images: 4
Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by GaryMayo View Post
Calling most tattoos and piercings body arts, is like calling a fart aroma therapy.

Attachment 50860
I asked my grandma why she had a bat tattooed on her breast. She said it started out as a butterfly...
__________________

__________________
Relax Lah! is For Sale <--- Click
Click--> Custom CF Google Search or CF Rules
You're gonna need a bigger boat... - Martin Brody
Ex-Calif is offline  
Old 10-12-2012, 06:17   #1758
Moderator Emeritus
 
Ex-Calif's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Singapore
Boat: Maxi 77 - Relax Lah!
Posts: 11,514
Images: 4
Re: The Joke Thread

I just got fired from my job at the crisis hotline.

Some guy called and said he was laying on the railroad tracks and going to kill himself.

I accidentally turned to the page on heart attacks. I told him to remain calm and stay on the line.
__________________
Relax Lah! is For Sale <--- Click
Click--> Custom CF Google Search or CF Rules
You're gonna need a bigger boat... - Martin Brody
Ex-Calif is offline  
Old 10-12-2012, 17:44   #1759
Senior Cruiser
 
Therapy's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: W Florida
Boat: The Jon boat still, plus a 2007 SeaCat.
Posts: 6,894
Images: 4
Re: The Joke Thread

I always thought this one was pretty funny.


tattoo remover (lower back tattoo removal - funny snl skit) - video

I can't figure out how to put a video in. Never have figured it out.
__________________
Who knows what is next.
Therapy is offline  
Old 10-12-2012, 19:05   #1760
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Now in Blaine, WA
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,702
Images: 122
Re: The Joke Thread

If you are traveling a lot and don't always know the language of the country you are visiting, then this T-shirt is for you. It has a phrase book printed on it so just point a finger at the pictogram you need and then point it twice at the question mark, which means, 'Where is it?' and in no time you have found what you were looking for... Or not.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	Tshirt.jpg
Views:	230
Size:	24.4 KB
ID:	51029  
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
delmarrey is offline  
Old 11-12-2012, 12:13   #1761
Registered User
 
multihullsailor6's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Cruising in the SUN! Cruising towards Malta.
Boat: 37' Oldenziel cat
Posts: 442
Re: The Joke Thread

I LOVE it! Where can I buy one of these T-shirts?
__________________
Roger
Catamaran "Burnout"
multihullsailor6 is offline  
Old 11-12-2012, 13:31   #1762
Moderator
 
noelex 77's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Living on dirt waiting for our new yacht to be built.
Boat: Half built Bestevaer.
Posts: 10,619
Re: The Joke Thread

It's far more fun miming it. Your not a proper cruiser until you have made the appropriate animal noises in a butchers shop to indicate the sort of meat you want.

Airport. Both arms out and run around making aeroplane noises...............Maybe I should buy the T-Shirt.
__________________
noelex 77 is offline  
Old 11-12-2012, 14:13   #1763
Senior Cruiser
 
skipmac's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: 29° 49.16’ N 82° 25.82’ W
Boat: Pearson 422
Posts: 12,388
Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by noelex 77 View Post
It's far more fun miming it. Your not a proper cruiser until you have made the appropriate animal noises in a butchers shop to indicate the sort of meat you want.

Airport. Both arms out and run around making aeroplane noises...............Maybe I should buy the T-Shirt.
Read a recommendation years ago from a guy that traveled all over the world on business. First thing he would do when he checked into a new hotel was to pick up a book of matches at the front desk with the hotel's name and address on the cover. Then if he was lost in the city he would catch a cab and show the matchbook cover to the driver and point at the address.

Said it worked great for years until some place in Asia. He showed the matchbook cover to the driver who nodded happily and promptly drove him to the local match factory.
__________________
The water is always bluer on the other side of the ocean.
skipmac is offline  
Old 11-12-2012, 14:36   #1764
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Now in Blaine, WA
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,702
Images: 122
Re: The Joke Thread

I think the numbers should be bigger and it needs to have a "$" symbol to ask "how much?".
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
delmarrey is offline  
Old 11-12-2012, 15:51   #1765
Moderator Emeritus
 
Ex-Calif's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Singapore
Boat: Maxi 77 - Relax Lah!
Posts: 11,514
Images: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by noelex 77 View Post
It's far more fun miming it. Your not a proper cruiser until you have made the appropriate animal noises in a butchers shop to indicate the sort of meat you want.

Airport. Both arms out and run around making aeroplane noises...............Maybe I should buy the T-Shirt.
When I first got to Japan we wanted to buy swordfish at the local market. Apparently you can't make compund words from a dictionary. i.e. Ken + Sakana /= swordfish and my drawings suck...
__________________
Relax Lah! is For Sale <--- Click
Click--> Custom CF Google Search or CF Rules
You're gonna need a bigger boat... - Martin Brody
Ex-Calif is offline  
Old 11-12-2012, 20:37   #1766
Registered User
 
Lajos's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 131
I did 6 months in Japan, teaching English... They have allot of trouble with the "L" and "R" pronunciation, I had 2 phrases that would make them practice: "in my car, I drive on the Road but if I carry a box and drop it, I drop a Load"... Or; "I have a red pen and I have Led in my pencil"..... For some reason this would crack up the other teachers....
__________________
Lajos is offline  
Old 12-12-2012, 13:13   #1767
Senior Cruiser
 
delmarrey's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Now in Blaine, WA
Boat: Modified Choate 40
Posts: 10,702
Images: 122
Re: The Joke Thread

I've been away from the work force so long now that I needed to buy a new clock.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	week clock.jpg
Views:	169
Size:	18.7 KB
ID:	51090  
__________________
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!

Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......
delmarrey is offline  
Old 12-12-2012, 13:16   #1768
nes
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego, Ca
Boat: Hunter 326
Posts: 151
Re: The Joke Thread

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
__________________
nes is offline  
Old 12-12-2012, 15:21   #1769
Moderator Emeritus
 
Ex-Calif's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Singapore
Boat: Maxi 77 - Relax Lah!
Posts: 11,514
Images: 4
I met this very kinky chick. She wanted to make love in a bath of milk. As I prepareed to fill the tub I asked, "Pasteurized?"

She replied, "No. Just past my boobs. I can splash my eyes."
__________________
Relax Lah! is For Sale <--- Click
Click--> Custom CF Google Search or CF Rules
You're gonna need a bigger boat... - Martin Brody
Ex-Calif is offline  
Old 12-12-2012, 15:54   #1770
Don't ask if you can't handle it
 
sailorboy1's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the boat somewhere
Boat: Hunter 410
Posts: 12,326
Re: The Joke Thread

I had to read that 4 times before I got it

I was just so distracted by the milk bath to start with.
__________________

__________________
jobless, houseless, clueless, living on a boat and cruising around somewhere
sailorboy1 is offline  
Closed Thread

Tags
Jokes, paracelle

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 00:55.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.